Mary's Quest: Only A Scar
by The J.A.M. a.k.a. Numbuh i
Summary: Dakota Dee is back! This time, Mary Melody will have to go on a Quest to save her loved ones. This is a dark fanfic with dark themes, so beware. Now with maps available! Nominated for 16 UKE Awards! Reuploaded with corrections
1. Authors Note

Additional information for this fanfic is available in my profile. I can't post it here because FFN will remove the links. 


	2. Trailer!

  
TONIGHT   
  
ON THE ABC WEEKEND SPECIAL SATURDAY MORNING MOVIE:   
  
  
  
  
  
"LOVE can rescue you from the Pit of Hell. Just make sure you don't jump in there again." - The J.A.M.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_STEVEN SPIELBERG PRESENTS / PRESENTA / APRESENTA / PRÉSENTENT_**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**LAST TIME, ON _THE FOURTEEN..._**   
  
[UNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARPUNWARP!!!]   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**THE FUTURE SEEMED PROMISING**   
  
_ "Um, Furrycoat, we've beaten this and stayed together, but I *am* scared of what lies ahead. Do you think we'll be able to handle any more roadblocks?"   
He tilted his head, raised an eyebrow, thought for a moment, and replied, "I think we'll manage."_   
  
  
  
**THE FUTURE SEEMED SETTLED**   
  
_ "Looks like J is safe and sound as well."_   
  
  
  
**THE FUTURE SEEMED RESOLVED**   
  
_ With a bit of effort, Junior pulled one arm free from his sister's embrace, and pulled out his picture of the Looniversity again. The building was there, in all its glorious shiny colours once more. "We did it, teams!!! We won!!!"_   
  
  
  
**THE FUTURE SEEMED RESTORED...**   
  
_ A deep kiss proclaimed the continuation of the relationship, for now, and for a long time to come._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**BUT NOW**   
  
_ "Something is definitely wrong."_   
  
  
  
**THIS VILLAIN**   
  
_ Despite her cleverness, though, she had recently been defeated. And while that in itself was not completely unheard of, what really burned her up was that her defeat had not come from her nemeses, none of them at all._   
  
  
  
**DOESN'T TOLERATE FAILURES**   
  
_ "HOW???!!!!" snarled Dakota Dee, red with anger, and fuming intensely. "HOW could I have failed??!! I SAW those two split up!!! I SAW Acme Loo GONE!!! Mary shouldn't be here!! The J.A.M. shouldn't be here!! The Looniversity shouldn't be here!! **_THE J_ SHOULDN'T BE HERE, [CENSORED] IT**!!!!"_   
  
  
  
**ESPECIALLY HER OWN...**   
  
_ Another crystal glass flew across her private dining room and shattered on the opposite wall._   
  
  
  
**DAKOTA DEE IS BACK**   
  
_ A brilliant blue flash stunned everytoon, sending them to the floor, believing the light to be explosion-generated._   
  
  
  
**AND THIS TIME**   
  
_ "Dee, please, don't do this!! What if you fail, like last time?? What then??"   
"Oh, trust me, Tex, I WON'T fail!! I know *exactly* where to hit him now!!"_   
  
  
  
**THERE'S NO STOPPING HER**   
  
_ "It was nice while it lasted, J, now you're no more!"_   
  
  
  
**MARY MELODY MUST NOW GO ON A QUEST**   
  
_ The teenager nodded at the elder, and she eyed the blackness resolutely. Squaring her shoulders, she rolled forward, and stepped inside._   
  
  
  
**TO RESCUE HER LOVED ONES**   
  
_ What had happened to all her friends? Where were they? Were they all right? Were they still alive?_   
  
  
  
**BUT THERE ARE THOSE**   
  
_ His left eye was gone, having only a milky sunken orb where it used to be. A loud scar ran across it, indicating that it had been lost in a violent way._   
  
  
  
**WHO LIKE THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE**   
  
_ "Well, I haff lots of monee, and I'm helpeeng odders, so I guess I am. Bott what's rrong?"_   
  
  
  
**AND THERE ARE THOSE**   
  
_ The humanmaid rolled reside him, fearing that a terrorist group had figured out his scheme. "What's going on? Al-Qaida??"_   
  
  
  
**ON THEIR OWN QUEST**   
  
_ But no matter. His target might have got away, but there was no escaping Final Judgment. He flew high above the city, and set a new course on his computer.   
He had a mission to complete._   
  
  
  
**OF _TERMINATION_**   
  
Still, a low power energy blast to the brain should be enough to kill the evil feline.   
  
  
  
**SHE MUST NOW MAKE A DECISION**   
  
_ Slowly, she reached into her body pocket and pulled out her pistol.   
That toon *must* be destroyed.   
  
The Questor knelt behind a rampart and drew a bead on the toon's head…   
Her hands weren't trembling.   
  
Her fingers tightened._   
  
  
  
**BEFORE SHE RUNS OUT OF TIME**   
  
_ She glanced at her watch and saw that she had less than 30 minutes to go._   
  
  
  
**ONE BLEMISH**   
  
_ "Right here," she repeated. "You have a small scar here."_   
  
  
  
**IS ALL THAT IS NEEDED**   
  
_ Then, her fingers and toes curled when she heard the most gut-wrenching feline yowl she had ever heard, practically yanking tears from her eyes._   
  
  
  
**TO RESTORE THE PAST **   
  
_ In Project   
ACME ACRES   
Coming soon!_   
  
  
  
**PRESERVE THE PRESENT **   
  
_ It was those questions that kept her from accepting this "new reality" and going with the flow._   
  
  
  
**AND RESCUE THE FUTURE **   
  
_ "-I won't let you destroy J!"_   
  
  
  
**BUT**   
  
_ "Joor boyfrend ees a #### *looser*," hissed the feline, lowering his ears and throwing the pictures in her face._   
  
  
  
**WHO WILL RESCUE _HER_**   
  
_ He reached to her with an extended index claw. She staggered back even more and fell back on an old black couch. He *still* continued padding toward her.   
Looking up, he was right above her, his index claw reaching for the top of her t-shirt. The panther was also licking his lips and fangs in a tremendously disturbing manner.   
Oh dear God, no.   
The humanmaid squirmed as far back as she could, but he still reached for her. And what else could she do? Any pleading would probably not be understood. And with a minimal knowledge of Spanish, there would be no way she would be able to reason with him.   
The jaguar hooked his claw on the neck of her shirt._   
  
  
  
**FROM THOSE SHE IS RESCUING?**   
  
_ Slowly, the carnivore brought them down on her shoulder blades, and slowly pressed so that the tips went through her shirt.   
The omnivore was to the point of hyperpanic when she felt eight needles press on her skin.   
  
  
He spat, continued to eye her with rage, and prepared to pounce. She cowered down, "I-I didn't mean to insult you or anything, but please don't kill me! Don't eat me!! Don't-AAAAAAHHHHH!!"   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I can defeet joo-"   
"You're welcome to try-"   
"Forr de highest carnívoro-"   
"We fight under the sky-"   
"Onteel one of oss dies-"   
"No turning back-"   
"No calleeng de pack-"   
"One-on-one is the attack-"   
"Or a coward and traeetor he weel be-"   
"For the rest of his days in ignominy-"   
"Unless we both die-"   
"And our bodees lie-"   
"Proclaiming to all a tie-"_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**CREE SUMMER FRANKS**   
  
_ "After all I went through, I do NOT need that now."_   
  
**LUKE RUEGGER**   
  
_ "Joo lost."_   
  
**CANDI MILO**   
  
_ "He doesn't look THAT MEAN."_   
  
**KATH SOUCIE**   
  
_ "Isn't time travelling dangerous, Professor, huh-huh?"_   
  
**CALAMITY COYOTE AS HIMSELF**   
  
_ "¡¡¿¿ESTÁS LOCO??!!"_   
  
**LITTLE BEEPER AS HIMSELF**   
  
_ "HE WANTS TO EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"_   
  
**JAMES EARL JONES**   
  
_ "Be careful with those around him, because he is not alone."_   
  
**DANIEL WHEELER**   
  
_ "You-You want me to kill him. To destroy him."_   
  
**THE J.A.M.**   
  
_ "I see. Do we have to bring radiation suits again?"_   
  
  
  
  
  
**SPECIAL APPEARANCES BY**   
  
  
**JOHN KASSIR**   
  
_ "Dee, no!! Going back THAT far could hinder *everyone's* existence, including *yours*!!!"_   
  
**FRANCESCA MARIE SMITH**   
  
_ "AGAINST!!!"_   
  
**NANCY CARTWRIGHT**   
  
_ "HELPING???"_   
  
**DANIEL RADCLIFFE**   
  
_ "The one and only."_   
  
**NOEL BLANC**   
  
_ "You're a clone?"_   
  
**and PHYLICIA RASHAD**   
  
_ "You talk in your sleep, hun."_   
  
  
  
  
**PARTAKE IN**   
  
_ The male was about to continue running, but the female held his paw firmly. He glared at her, and she glared back with uncanny bluntness. "Come with me if you want to live."_   
  
  
  
  
**MARY'S QUEST: ONLY A SCAR **   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**SOMEONE _IS_ OUT TO GET YOU...**   
  
_ *Stop that. You're getting paranoid.*   
  
"You got that right, sister."_   
  
  
  
  
  
**MARY'S QUEST: ONLY A SCAR**   
  
_ At this point, something within Mary shattered..._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_**NEXT / NÄCHSTE / NÄSTA / A CONTINUACION / A SEGUIR**_


	3. Prologue

(…unWARP!)

Good evening.

_This fanfic is being re-released with corrections, minor additions, and the annoying reformatting required by FFN (what is it about them and extended punctuation, anyway?). If you want the original MS Word formatting, contact me.

* * *

_

PROLOGUE

Many times, insignificant events can have long lasting repercussions. Any slight alterations can create huge tangents in the timeline, both for good, and for evil. Here, someone is once again out to destroy a nemesis, a relationship, a timeline, and even a soul. Can one toon alone save even one of them, especially when the soul has been destined for Final Judgment, or even restore the space-time continuum to its original track?

There is a tremendous amount of Spanish dialogue here. So much, in fact, that a glossary will appear at the end of each chapter, though not all chapters have Spanish. It's also recommended that "Mary" and "The Fourteen", available on this server, be read in order to understand some elements of this story.

Rated PG-13 bordering on R due to non-comical cursing, non-toony violence, and implied situations.

There are two maps available for this story. One can be found at:

www (dot) .ttafans (dot) com (slash) tiki-downloadfile (dot) php?fileId260

and the other at

www (dot) .ttafans (dot) com (slash) tiki-downloadfile (dot) php?fileId262

* * *

There was a mansion, a huge mansion, in Acme Acres.

Some time ago, the mansion had extensions added to it, because the family had extended.

One of those extensions was a female human teenager. She looked exactly like her mother did at her age, except that she inherited her father's brown hair, and his cunning, which had now far surpassed what he had at her age.

Despite her cleverness, though, she had recently been defeated. And while that in itself was not completely unheard of, what really burned her up was that her defeat had not come from her nemeses, none of them at all.

Instead, somehow, somewhere, sometime, and strangely enough, without their actual knowledge of it, _her parents'_ nemeses had managed to defeat her.

And stay together.

Another crystal glass flew across her private dining room and shattered on the opposite wall.

"HOW!" snarled Dakota Dee, red with anger, and fuming intensely. "HOW could I have failed! I SAW those two split up! I SAW Acme Loo GONE! Mary shouldn't be here! The J.A.M. shouldn't be here! The Looniversity shouldn't be here! _**THE J** SHOULDN'T BE HERE, (CENSORED) IT_!" In the hall with her was a teenage green rabbit buck who wore a black shirt, and his name was Tex. Normally he would just be sitting there admiring Dakota in her designer blue shirt, hot pink pants, and white sneakers, but he was currently ducking behind a chair, ears pointing diagonally down, thumping one foot-paw (lapine gestures of fright), and dodging the flying glassware. When the projectiles ceased, he peeked behind the chair and saw her typing furiously on the computer in front of her. "What could have gone wrong!" she asked him.

Venturing closer, he replied, "Dee, I've told you: you can't destroy true love! My best guess is that even _after_ they broke up, True Love brought them back together!" He knew more than that, of course, since his brothers, sisters, and he—The Fourteen—helped a trifle, but Dakota didn't need to know that at this moment. "Dee, you have no idea how much it pains me to see you doing this and getting upset over this, but with all this hate, you're only hurting yourself!" She was apparently immersed in whatever she was looking at on her computer screen, hence her lack of response. Peeking over the white ultra-thin monitor, he moved his ears forward and asked, "What are you reading now?"

"The J.A.M.'s 'angst-ridden' testimony. There must be _something_ there that will tell me what went wrong!"

The buck sighed. "I doubt anything there will give you any details of anything. Dee—" The humanmaid stopped typing when she felt his paw over her left hand. Finally, she looked up at his almond-brown eyes. "Dee, please, stop this! There are legal ways of acquiring the property, and I'm sure there are even better locations for what you wanna build!" The humanmaid would have swooned, or even shivered, but she had enough sense to suppress that. She considered him, after all, her sidekick, and nothing more.

"My dear Tex, you just can't grasp the whole principle of it all, can you?" She rubbed his paws with both of her hands, making him grind his teeth softly and nearly making him melt. "We rich people have power which is not to be denied. We are above the rest. We are smarter, stronger, better fed, better protected, and better informed than the rest. The J had every single one of those qualities, except the 'richer' part, but with the rest, he had everything in him to make it BIG in the business world! But no, he had to become a goody-two shoes who _wouldn't_ give or take bribes, or _wouldn't_ twist the rules for his benefit! Have you any idea how much wealth _both_ of us together could have made by NOW?" By now, she was crushing his paws and making him lower his ears and grind his teeth loudly, so with a quick yank he pulled himself free, with deformed knuckles, unfortunately. The Caucasian returned to the article, "That stupid black panther just HAD to choose the wrong side…"

Shaking his paws back to normal, the lagomorph replied, "This is also because he chose Anni over you, isn't it?"

"DON'T—YOU—**_EVER_**—MENTION YOUR SISTER'S NAME IN MY PRESENCE, RABBIT!" she snarled again, right after pulling him nose-to-nose by his shirt. Shoving him away, she turned to the screen again. "The J had it in him to become one of the wealthiest toons in the world, but he threw that chance away. He didn't want to make money with me, so he's not going to make money for anyone else. He doesn't deserve your sister—he doesn't deserve ME—" she snarled, "—he doesn't deserve to _exist_, (CENSORED) IT!" A shadow covered her features. "And to top it all off, he had the GALL to REFUSE to tell me his real name! There HAS to be a way to remove him from the plane of existence! He's a waste of ink, I tell you!"

Recovering from the shove, Tex padded back to her left. "Dee, you can't remove him from the timeline. Nothing you did against Mary or The J.A.M. had any effect on them, _or_ J. And no matter what you do, they will stay together forever." He tried to sound harsh and stiffen his ears back, but it just wasn't in him. He simply couldn't speak up against her.

It didn't matter anyway, since Dakota was again immersed in the article. So immersed; that she did a close-up on one of the pictures in it. After a moment of thought, she did a web search on a particular incident, and feature, of the adult jaguar. "Perhaps," mused the humanmaid, "The J is good only because his _father_ is good. Perhaps then I've been concentrating my efforts on the wrong targets?"

"Huh?" asked the lepus, closing one eye and cocking his head for a brief moment, wincing in confusion.

"Yes. I've been hitting on the couple as one, but not on the influential toon. But what if I could turn The J.A.M. evil, before The J is born? Could J then become a villain, and my ally, _if_ he's born at all?"

He chattered with nervousness. Now she was not only planning to remove a soul, two even, from the timeline; but was now bent on actually _destroying_ a soul. "Dee, that's dangerous ground you're treading on. You know Waiting Ones are bombarded with every temptation you can think of, and the more they reject them, the stronger they become! There's no way The J.A.M. could be turned to the Dark Side!"

The humanmaid slowly turned to look at the nervous rodent on her left. "You know what, Tex? You're absolutely right. I can't change a 'Waiting One'." She stood and briskly walked out of the dining hall. "I _can_ however, change anyone else!"

For a moment, Tex looked at her as she left, trying not to ogle her posterior, without much success. So he turned his attention to the article on the monitor, particularly the segment Dakota had just read. And what he read drained him of all colour in his fur, shirt, eyes, everything. Pointing his ears diagonally down, he pressed on his shirt what anyone would consider a button, but which was actually a communicator.

"Condition red!" he whispered urgently. "Condition red!" Then, he bounded after Dakota. "Hey, um, Dee? You're not going to use the time machine again, are you? You know how much energy it uses, and you KNOW how much power it drains from your dad's factories!"

She just kept walking, "My dear sidekick, you're not thinking tetra-dimensionally! Once I change the past, I will have already built more generators! There will not be _any_ power drain in the New Present!" He bounded after her down long flights of stairs and long hallways.

"Dee, please, don't do this! What if you fail, like last time? What then?"

"Oh, trust me, Tex, I WON'T fail! I know _exactly_ where to hit him now!" She reached a metal door, which had a fingerprint recognition/retina recognition/aniplasm recognition lock. She put her face and right hand on the respective metal moulds, and waited for the computer to analyse her. Moments later, a green light lit up above the metal door, and opened with a loud hiss. The "couple" went inside the vault, with the door closing automatically behind them.

Inside, there was the time machine.

It was basically a console with a transporter pad on its left, and on top of the pad there was a large parabolic dome, with apparently focused on whoever or whatever stood on the pad. Dakota walked to the console and began programming it.

"Dee, please!"

"Shuddup," she mumbled. "I'm concentrating here!"

The rabbit looked over her shoulder, read the date, and nearly screamed in panic. "Dee, no! Going back THAT far could hinder _everyone's_ existence, including _yours_!"

She snatched the orange remote control, for the return trip, whirled at him, and pointed, "Are you FOR me or AGAINST me, rabbit!"

(KABLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM!)

Before Tex could answer, both toons were blown against a wall by a sudden explosion. Once the dust settled a trifle, Dakota groggily looked up and saw a large hole on the vault wall, leading to a recently formed tunnel. After shaking her head to reset herself, she saw who had decided to make said hole and tunnel.

"AGAINST!" yelled a brown-eyed blue doe, with yellow blouse and orange dress, tail jutting out, and ears held stiff against her back. She hopped down into the vault, making sure Dakota noticed her stomping toward her.

"ANNI!" coughed Dakota, standing up, and still holding the remote control. "How the Purgatory did you find us here!"

"We have _very_ long ears," she grunted, stomping dangerously toward her nemesis, spreading her arms out. "And _these_ ears are especially tuned to hearing any plans you have against J!"

It was here when her brother noticed something was amiss. He winced, "Anni? You're all alone here? Where are the others?"

"Junior's stupid plan of getting Professor Calamity and Chuck to transport the machine out of here was taking too long, so I took the initiative. Thank God I still have those C-4 samples Slappy gave me! Oh, and some 'help' did come along."

The "couple" looked up and saw another toon pad in from the hole in the wall. It was a male, but the species was not very well defined. He wore a red shirt under a yellow vest, and blue shorts. His fur was cream coloured, with black points on his ear tips, muzzle, paws, foot-paws, and tail, like a Siamese cat. His ears were large, but triangular. Rodent teeth hung from his upper jaw, and carnivore fangs hung right alongside them. His muzzle was too short to be rodent, and too long to be feline. His black tail had thin translucent fur, allowing the hide to show through a trifle.

"Nolan?" asked Dakota.

"The one and only," he replied, with his light British accent.

The humanmaid had no time for this. "Leave us, Nolan! This isn't your battle!"

The strange toon also padded dangerously toward her, hissing-chattering, bristled tail swishing, back arched and bristled, and low stiff ears. "As long as M is involved, it is _more_ than my battle, girl!"

Here, everyone stopped, turned to him, raised an eyebrow, the rabbits lowered one ear, and all asked quizzically, "I thought The M didn't like you."

He ground his incisors and frowned at being questioned that for the _nth_ time. "That's beside the bloody point right now, but if you put her life in danger, then Oi'm going to stop you!"

Still keeping her quizzical expression, the villain asked, "Say, Nolan, you're part cat, right?"

"Fifty per-cent feline, aye, why do you ask!"

As a response, Dakota suddenly pulled out a fire hose from behind her, twisted the nozzle open, and thoroughly drenched him _and_ blew him out the vault in less than one second. She proceeded to blow back Anni and Tex, too, before they had a chance to warp anywhere. The rabbit siblings got smashed against the wall and were momentarily stunned, giving the Caucasian the time she needed to finish programming the time machine.

Nolan groggily padded out from the hole, wringing out his clothes, giving a long annoyed squeak, "Gah! What did she think she was doing? Handicapping me? Like Oi'd succumb to that old cliché—" His thoughts were interrupted when he saw his nemesis step on the transporter pad, and press a button on the remote control. With as much speed as he could muster, her ran toward her, but not before a blue light engulfed the whole pad. He chattered, "Oi know this is bloody mad, but—" He jumped into the blue light, and disappeared.

(WARPWARP—!)

The siblings warped from the walls and also disappeared in the blue light.

(WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

The light faded, revealing an empty pad, and a toonless vault.

The only witness of this event was an orange rabbit doe with a black shirt and black shorts, who had arrived just as the light faded away, causing her ears to point diagonally down in terror. Moments later, the rest of her siblings—the remnant of The Fourteen—bounded up behind her.

A tear formed in her almond-brown eye as she pointed her ears diagonally down and cursed, "(CENSORED) no! Nolan!"

* * *

"LOVE can rescue you from the Pit of Hell. Just make sure you don't jump in there again." — The J.A.M.

Cree Summer Franks

Luke Ruegger

Candi Milo

Kath Soucie

Calamity Coyote and Little Beeper as Themselves

James Earl Jones

Daniel Wheeler

The J.A.M.

partake in

MARY'S QUEST: ONLY A SCAR

along with

John Kassir

Francesca Marie Smith

Daniel Radcliffe

Nancy Cartwright

and Noel Blanc

Special appearance by Phylicia Rashad.

Written by The J.A.M. (but please call me J.A.M.)

Edited by professor Nathaniel T. Freeman

_To Him Who rescued me from Destruction. _


	4. Ze: These Are Words Of Wisdom: Let It Be

ZE - THESE ARE WORDS OF WISDOM: LET IT BE

There was a cave, a den, a lair, hidden in the depths of Acme Forest. Currently, it served as a home for a certain Mexican jaguar, whose name was The J.A.M. He lived alone, but that didn't stop him from getting visits, which normally consisted of his most trusted friends, and his girlfriend, Mary Melody. And it was precisely Mary who had decided to visit him today and have a long chat with him.

Being a "bit player", and a human at that, Mary didn't have a defined wardrobe, which meant that she could dress differently each day. Today she decided to forego her roller blades and wear her white shoes, as well as a hot blue t-shirt and dark blue pants, with a white bow in her hair.

Her visit, of course, meant that he had another chance to show her his rag doll impersonation. Basically, Mary was sitting in the middle of the couch, and he was stretched out over her, his spine toward her, with his torso over her legs, in a _very_ feline pose. His head was on her right, and it was raised a trifle so she could scratch his ears more freely, making him purr. She then found her favourite spot, right between his ear and jaw, which triggered a certain reflex as she scratched.

He curled a trifle, bent his left leg, and his foot-paw twitched in time with her scratches. "PrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrstop that!" he chuckled.

Mary decided to continue with the rest of his head, but that spot was marked precisely by one of his fur spots, so she was sure to find it again. She basked in the thought that not only was he her boyfriend, but he was an extraordinary pet when he needed to be. While most of the time he behaved like a "normal" toon, as she was, these non-anthropomorphic times were reserved for her and her only. She continued scratching his ears and moved to his whiskers, which instinctively made him press his muzzle against her fingers.

She was his now, and he was hers, and would be for a long time to come.

Their heads slowly drifted closer and both prepared for a deep kiss—

"Furrycoat? What happened to you?" she asked suddenly, backing off a trifle.

"Huh? What?" he replied, stopping his purring and snapping out of the romantic mood. "What happened to me where?"

"Right here," she insisted, pointing near the corner of his left eye.

He felt his face for a moment, but didn't feel anything strange. "Nothing there, Panterita."

She leaned closer and gently brushed back some fur from the corner of his eye. This made him close his eyes and start purring again, but only for a moment. "Right here," she repeated. "You have a small scar here."

"Oh," he realised. "Don't worry about that. It's small enough to have the fur there cover it."

She was getting more concerned and less romantic by the minute. "But how did you get it? It must have been a close call if you were injured right next to your eye!"

The onça tilted his head back as he searched his memories for the incident in question. A minute later his orange eyes looked into her dark brown ones, "Well, Panterita, to tell you the truth, I really can't remember what happened. I think I was either 3 or 4 years old, or so my mom tells me, and I got it from rough-housing with my big brother."

The African-American sat back, somewhat shocked, "Rough-housing? If you got a serious injury like that from rough-housing, I'd hate to see what you would get if you got into an actual fight!"

"Aw, Mary, don't get upset over it. It happened so long ago, that if my parents had never told me about it I would have never found out how I got the thing. My brother told me that when he saw the injury he got tremendously scared, but then he was glad that it was just a small gash and not an ocular puncture." He tilted his head again, remembering, "I _do_ remember being incredibly angry for a while, and even taking karate lessons for a bit. I didn't get far, though, since I eventually forgave him."

"But it must have been a horrible experience for you!"

"So I'm told, yes, but it turned out for the best. This little scar brought us to a nurse who was a Waiting One. Eventually, she told us the Good News, and we all became Waiting Ones as well." He lowered his ears and head, and suppressed a shiver as he pondered, "I can't imagine where I'd be now if I hadn't been rescued in time. Kinda scary to think about it, you know. I _did_ sport a black eye for the school photographer the following Monday, so I'm told, which he fixed with a little fur dye." He raised his ears and turned to look at her eyes again. "We all got over it, we all forgave, and only a scar remains of that day. So you don't need to get anxious over it, Panterita."

Panterita pondered on the information. It was a sad event, but it had been dealt with, buried, and the whole family had moved on. So there really was no reason to bring it up. Both of his eyes worked just fine, and looked even better, especially this close. "All right, Furrycoat," she said with a very distinct romantic tone returning, "If you have no problem with it anymore, then _I_ won't either—" Two heads moved in for the previously scheduled ki—

(Beereereereereereereep! Beereereereereereereep!)

"Excuse me a moment," he sighed, and reached over the armrest to pick up the phone from the coffee table. Mary was amazed at how much he could stretch, and pondered on tickling him as he answered.

(Beep)

"¿Bueno?"

"Mister J.A.M., I presume?" asked the other party. The jaguar straightened up a trifle when he recognised the speaker.

"Professor Coyote?"

"Excellent voice recognition skills, young feline. I take it that Mary Melody is there with you?"

"Yes, she is. Do you wish to speEAK to her!" He pressed the phone to his chest and giggled at Mary, "Stop it!" He put the phone back beside his head.

"No, I just wanted to confirm that she was with you. I am at Calamity's laboratory on the other side of the forest, with a few of your friends. He has asked me to invite you here so you can witness an extraordinary experiment."

"I see. Do we have to bring radiation suits again?"

"Heh heh, no, I don't think so. This experiment won't be generating gamma rays, and _do_ remember that he has plenty of suits for all of you."

"Of course. Nice of him to pick a Saturday to invite us, though,"

"Now, now, J.A.M., this experiment won't take that much of your time. You two can return to your—ahem—'activities' once he finishes."

The onça flinched again, but not at his girlfriend's tickling. "Um, sure. We'll be right there, I guess. Bye." He hung up and stretched again to return the phone to its recharging base.

"What did Professor Coyote want?" asked the humanmaid, still amazed at how feline he looked when he stretched. Furrball came to mind, naturally, but here the situation was _far_ from similar. Furrball never answered the phone, or much less purred in the bass range.

Her boyfriend explained the phone call, and after that he asked, "So, you wanna visit Calamity's lab for a while?"

Normally Mary would have declined the invitation, but Calamity _was_ a close friend of theirs, and she knew that The J.A.M. was also interested in new technology, though he wasn't as obsessed with it as Calamity was. "Sure, if we don't take too long."

"We won't. I can pedal us there in about fifteen minutes," he replied while standing.

"Actually, Furrycoat," she said, also standing, "I want to try out something we learned earlier."

"Try what?"

"This: just stand right there." He did, and watched as she stood next to him, turned, held his paw, and looked up. Keeping in mind Calamity's laboratory, she jumped and reached outside the frame. With a quick yank, she pulled down the scenery over her boyfriend's lair, and the couple now stood outside another cave: the entrance to Calamity's laboratory. _Education works wonders_, she thought as she smiled at her boyfriend, and both walked/padded inside.

There, they saw the rest of their friends: Lightning Rodriguez, Sweetie Bird, Sneezer, and Little Beeper, as well as Arnold Pit Bull, Vinnie The Deer, Banjo The Woodpile Possum, Furrball, and Fifi LaFume. All stood watching Calamity and Wile E. Coyote work on their current project.

Analysing the setup as best as he could, The J.A.M. asked, "Another mainframe, Cal?"

"No," he signed back, still working on the console. "This uses a standard PC. What looks like a mainframe is actually the mechanism that it controls."

"I see," the onça reflected. "And what is it?"

"A transporter."

The jaguar examined the setup more carefully. There was a PC on the console, and on its left, there was a large pad with an inverted parabolic dish above it. "Œ! For a moment there I thought that the set of 'Star Trek' had a garage sale!" Mary giggled at that, as the young canine stopped working and turned to lower his ears and frown at his fellow carnivore.

The elder canine replied for him, "Quite a humorous analogy, Mister J.A.M. But no, this device is entirely built from original parts."

"Not from Acme®™, I hope," said the African-American, suddenly, wary of the whole thing.

The Mexican canid signed, "Don't worry, Mary. When building serious stuff, I buy from everyone _but_ Acme®™." All the toons sighed in relief at that. At least this wouldn't explode in their faces for no apparent reason.

Wile E. continued, "I, too, was worried that Calamity would use inferior materials for this experiment, and when I saw it, for a moment I thought he was building a time machine! Theoretically, it _can_ function as one, though, but not without a massive energy input. Right now it just safely transports objects, and toons, from one place to another."

"Isn't time travelling dangerous, Professor, huh-huh?" asked Sneezer, suddenly remembering all the "Back To The Future" movies.

He looked down at his alumnus, "Yes, it is, especially if you interact with others from the past or future. I'm thinking of creating a safety mechanism for it, in case Calamity _does_ get his paws on a huge energy source. The mechanism would allow you to travel to the past or future, but as an observer only, without being able to interact with others. That way, you wouldn't be able to create paradoxes or rifts in the space-time continuum that 'could destroy the galaxy, or even the universe'." He winked at the mouse, letting him and the rest know that he enjoyed a good movie as well.

Calamity finally finished adjusting the console and turned to his friends, "It sounds complex, but it is," the rest chuckled a trifle. "This needs more components to actually function as a time machine, though, _besides_ huge amounts of energy. I wanted all of you to be here so I could show you how it transports objects from one place to another."

"Woodn't joo josst haff to do a scene change to do dat?" asked Lightning.

"You could do that," replied the young latrans. "But if you remember from class, you first need to make sure you _know_ the place you're pulling the scenery from. If you need something taken to somewhere you never heard of, or if you need to move something dangerous, this machine can help you, _without_ needing to carry it in a scene change. Not all the components are activated right now so it can only transport short distances. I wanted all of you here to see it work before I put all the modules on line." Having finished programming the PC, he pressed "Enter", and pressed the ever-popular Red Button on the console. A few LED's lit up on the console, and a low hum filled the lab. "Now, I'll transport something small, say, a CD, a short distance, say, from here to the outside of the—"

Everyone whirled toward the machine as the hum suddenly turned very loud, with a frighteningly rising pitch. Every single LED on the console now shone brightly.

"Cal? I thought you said that not everything was ACTIVATED!" piped Sweetie, hopping backward.

"It wasn't!" he signed.

"Calamity, what's going on?" asked Wile, ears low, rushing to the machine.

"I don't know! All the components activated spontaneously!" Calamity too, had his ears low and was tucking in his tail. At this, all the toons began walking/padding back from the machine; boyfriends in front of their girlfriends; their features expressing confusion and fright. The teen coyote was typing furiously on the keyboard, desperately trying to shut off the transporter.

(WARPUNWARPCLICK!)

The jaguar had enough sense to warp next to the console and shut down the no-break/regulator, but that apparently didn't have much effect on the machine. "Don't tell me this runs on rechargeable batteries!" he hissed, ears flat.

"It doesn't! Something else is powering it!" Glancing at the power levels and at the monitor readout, Calamity suddenly staggered back. "I don't know how it's happening, but there is something or someone travelling through time right now, and the trip is powering the transporter to its time machine function! The transporter is pulling toward it whatever or whoever is travelling!"

"Isn't this dangerous?" signed Furrball, also with flat ears.

"YES!" At that, everyone poised to dash outside the la—

(UNWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP!)

A brilliant blue flash stunned everytoon, sending them to the floor, believing the light to be explosion-generated. About thirty seconds later, when they noticed that there was no heat or blast or shock wave and began recovering from their momentary blindness, some noticed that there were more toons in the laboratory than what they had started out with. The jaguar looked up and saw someone on the pad who wasn't there before. For a moment, he thought he was looking at Maximiliano's girlfriend, whose name he couldn't recall right now—

"Hey, this isn't Me—"

(SPLATSPLATSPLAT!)

It was definitely Elmyra's voice, but three more toons dropped out from nowhere, interrupting her. One fell right next to Mary, splashing a bit of water from her saturated fur and wardrobe. "Ouch—Professor Melody?" asked the new toon, suddenly glancing at the fallen humanmaid.

"Professor J.A.M.?" asked another, looking at the feline.

Mary finally recovered full consciousness and also analysed the scene. On the transporter was Elmyra, or someone who _looked_ like Elmyra, unless she had decided to dye her hair brown and change her wardrobe. Next to the African-American was a blue doe with brown eyes, wearing a yellow blouse and an orange dress, soaked to the bone. Next to "Furrycoat" was a green buck with a black shirt, also drenched. On the opposite side of the cave was someone who was either a cat or a rat, but she couldn't tell which; and he also seemed to have just showered fully clothed.

"Professor?" Mary asked the doe. "The only professor here is Wile E. Coyote!"

As all the toons stood, the Elmyra look-alike snarled, "So, you made it through. Do you have a death wish or something? You could have killed yourselves by doing that, or even worse, be lost in oblivion!"

Mary saw the green buck stand directly in front of the other humanmaid, put both paws together, and beg, "Dee, stop this lunacy!"

_Dee?_ thought everyone.

"You can't change Destiny! Please, come back with me! You still have a chance to start over!"

"Excuse me, but who are you, and what is going on here?" signed Calamity at the newcomers. The new toons ignored him, of course.

"No, Tex—"

_Tex?_

"—I may have failed last time, but this time not even YOU will be around to watch!"

She was about to pull out the remote control when the blue doe grunted, ears stiff against her back and legs ready to pounce, "No, Dakota—"

_Dakota?_

"—I won't let you destroy J!"

_J?_

"And Oi won't let you destroy M, either!" hollered the unidentifiable male toon with an audible chatter-growl, fur bristling and also ready to pounce.

_M?_

Once everyone else heard the word "destroy", all their previous lessons suddenly came forth from their memories, making everyone instantly identify the "Elmyra" as a villain. So, all the toons began walking/padding toward the transporter, ears flattening, fur bristling and feathers ruffling, each species preparing to attack. Arnold removed his sunglasses, cracked his knuckles, flattened his ears, and raised his hackles. Fifi brandished her tail like a rifle. Everyone else pulled out mallets from behind themselves, except the onça.

Instead, he cracked his knuckles himself and removed his watch, gold chain, and the kangaroo pouch he had under his t-shirt. "Es la hora de pelear," he quipped, as his tail bristled and swished, and claws emerged from his paws. At the sound of his voice, Dakota suddenly turned toward him and paled. For a moment, she stared at him with horror, surprised at how fierce he looked in person, and how The J's face was practically his, save for the colour. The J.A.M. could smell her fear now, and prepared to warp—

"¡PISTOLA!" squeaked Lightning.

Before anyone could move, Dakota suddenly pulled out what looked like a gun, but instead of shooting bullets or lasers, it shot out a gloved hand attached to an extension assembly, which stretched toward the jaguar.

And poked him on his side.

With a loud "eep", the feline was hanging from the roof again, his tail like a chimney brush. He unconsciously threw his items away, and they fell near the pad.

(WARPWARPUNWARPUNWARPZOOMZOOM—!)

"FREEZE!"

Dakota's shout had an interesting effect on everytoon. Anni and Tex had warped toward her, jumped, and were one instant away from whacking her with their mallets when they suddenly found themselves frozen in mid-air, still dripping water. The other toons, including Nolan, were in the process of pouncing, but they, too, held still above the ground.

The doe looked at the Caucasian sheepishly, one ear down, "This was a bad idea, wasn't it?"

The nemesis smirked back, "I can't believe you actually fell for that." And with a huge mallet of her own, she whacked her opponents away, except for one: Mary Melody. Despite her incredible anger at the new female because she had triggered her onça's tickle reflex, Mary held back, thinking that Arnold and Fifi would get to the villain first and subdue her quickly. Now she suddenly had to duck when all her friends, and the three newcomers, got whacked back toward her, and moments later they were sliding down the cave walls. Dakota then looked at Mary in the eye, and smirked again. "So long, 'Mary'!" Suddenly she looked up and shouted, "And good riddance to you, 'Wetback'!" She pulled out the remote control—

"I beg your pardon?" he asked, trying, but failing, to sound like Jack Nicholson.

It was bad enough that someone had tickled her boyfriend, besides insulting him with a _very_ rude remark, _in_ _their__faces_. But what suddenly made Mary's adrenaline skyrocket was that something within her told her that she _knew_ this toon, and that she _knew_ she was evil, and for some reason she wanted to get rid of her Furrycoat. "Dakota", and the other strangers, knew the couple somehow, and "Dakota" knew a _lot_ more about Mary's boyfriend than all the other toons here did. How on earth did she know about his tickling reflex? And how were the rabbits able to warp?

"It was nice while it lasted, J, now you're no more!" Dakota activated the remote, and the transporter hummed to life again. "Oh, and M as well."

As the blue light returned, Mary, for some reason, thought she _knew_ this "J" that the villain had just mentioned, as well as "M".

And for some reason again, she _knew_ that she had to stop this toon at all costs.

The blue light was blinding her, so she homed in on the villain's cackle, running toward her as fast as she could. For a moment, she thought she heard her boyfriend drop from the ceiling, with tire screech sound effect and all, and prepare to warp in order to assist her in subduing whoever this villain was.

She ran into the light.

Did she trip on something?

(WA—)

(THUD!)

And then everything went black.

* * *

Spanish - English

Panterita - Panthermaid

Bueno - Literally: "good", said by 90 per cent of Latin Americans when they answer the phone. I have no idea why.

Œ - Not an actual Spanish word, just the jaguar's way of saying "golly".

Es la hora de pelear - It's time to fight (translated back from the Spanish version of Ben "The Thing" Grimm's catch phrase "It's bashing time!")

Pistola - Pistol, gun


	5. Ume: Alternates

UME - ALTERNATES

Groggily, Mary Melody peeled herself off the rock wall, and slumped to the ground, with little brown-haired Elmyras spinning around her head. Recovering a few minutes later, she pushed herself slightly off the ground and opened her eyes. That didn't help her much, since there was barely any light here anyway. For a moment, she wondered if she was still inside the cave where Calamity's laboratory was. Looking around as best as she could, she decided she _couldn't_ be there because the cave was empty.

And annoyingly damp.

Painfully standing, she tried to remember.

Yes, it was all coming back to her. She was about to jump on that Elmyra look-alike because she had tickled, threatened, and insulted her boyfriend, and the last thing she remembered was being blinded by a blue light as the look-alike laughed maniacally. She tripped on something, stepped on the pad and—

Oh, great. Calamity's transporter must have sent her to another cave, and she hit the wall right after she re-materialised. Well, Calamity said that the transporter was programmed only for short distances, so she must not be far from the laboratory. She walked toward the sunlight, which would be where the opening of the cave w—

She froze in her tracks, with her blood pooling to her feet.

Something on the ground was reflecting the little sunlight it was receiving:

A gold chain, with a Cross, and a Star of David.

A large black digital watch with a compass, still running.

And a black leather kangaroo pouch with the word "B'klyn" on the front.

Slowly, cautiously, she kneeled to examine the objects, handling them like porcelain, lest they shatter, or even vanish, in her hands.

Holding them in the light, her inner panic increased when she realised they were real.

And they were The J.A.M.'s.

Standing again, she looked around in terror. Had everyone and everything else been transported away, and only she remained? And if so, why didn't the machine transport these objects as well?

Suddenly remembering what the coyotes said about the transporter functioning as a time machine, she looked at the date on the watch. It was still Saturday afternoon, same day, same month, same year. Comparing that data with her own watch, she calmed down a trifle when she saw that both dates and times coincided, and inwardly thanked God for her boyfriend's annoying quirk of having both of their watches synchronised to some atomic clock at some naval base. Very well, she would find out what happened to her boyfriend, and her friends, and if she ever saw that Elmyra look-alike again, she would have a LOT of explaining to do. The humanmaid stuffed the objects in her pocket and ran outside. As she looked around, she identified the place. Odd, this cave _was_ where the laboratory was supposed to—

In front of the cave was a Century 22 sign that proclaimed "For Sale" to anyone who came along these parts.

"What the bleep happened here?" she asked herself. If this cave was on sale, then where was Calamity's laboratory? Where was Calamity, Professor Coyote, her boyfriend, _everyone_!

She needed explanations now, and the only one who could answer them was the one who caused all this mess. She jumped and pulled down the scenery, and she was now standing in front of Calamity's hou—

The sign on the mailbox derailed her train of thought once more.

FREEMAN

Panicking to levels she never knew existed, she dashed up to the door and knocked frantically. The door opened thirty seconds later, making her jerk back her hand and gasp when she saw an adult male _human_ looking at her. He was somewhat European, with brown hair and blue eyes.

"May I help you?" he asked with a baritone voice.

Definitely _not_ Calamity.

Her powers of locution were momentarily suspended, evidenced by her quivering mouth which made no noise at all. Shaking herself out of her panic, she stuttered, "Um—sir—sorry to bother you—but—but—"

"Hey, haven't I seen you on TV?" he blurted, revealing a very faint Southern accent.

"Huh?"

"Did you appear in 'Saturday Night Live' or 'Hey Arnold!'?"

"What? I've never been on S—"

"Tiny Toons Adventures!"

At least she was more than familiar with that term. "Well, yes, but what h—"

"Mary Melody!" he exclaimed. "You're the one who made it big right after the show! You're in 'The Evening News'! I didn't recognise you without your news outfit!"

This was making less sense by the second. "Sir, I have no idea what you're talking about! I'm looking for a family of c—"

"Man, 'The Evening News' has never been better since you've been on the a—"

Enough. She grabbed the man's shirt and pulled him to her face, "SIR," she began, as he suddenly hushed, "I'm looking for a coyote family, who had a son named Calamity. They used to live in this house. Do you know what happened to them?"

For a moment, the man was frightened enough to remain silent. The teenager realised this, so she released him and waited for his reply. He straightened his shirt, and stood back, "A family of coyotes _did_ live in this house, but they sold it and moved last year. I don't know where they went."

She staggered back, her blood sinking again. Slowly, she turned, and walked uneasily back to the sidewalk. "Hey, Mary, what brings you back to Acme Acres?" She ignored his question, and continued to walk away, almost robotically.

After walking some ways down the block, she regained enough sense to spin-change into her roller blades, because she had plenty of places to investigate now. Throughout that afternoon and evening, she wandered all around Acme Acres, trying to figure out what had happened, and praying that her Theory of Events was the wrong one. She skated by all her friends' and acquaintances' houses, and was relieved to see they were still there: Fifi's Cadillac in her junkyard, Hamton's barn-style house with a lit menorah in the window because it was the Shabbath (for a little while longer), Montana's mansion, Elmyra's house (the last two making her feel uneasy, for some reason), Buster's burrow, Babs' burrow, Banjo's tree, (these three in the forest), Sneezer's tiny apartment at the base of a human apartment building, and Shirley's Victorian-style home, which made her feel uneasy again. Finally, her apartment building was still there, with Sweetie's cage on her bedroom window. Neither Lightning's nor Beeper's families were in their houses, either, having moved away as well, and that made her nervousness return with a vengeance. She would have gone inside her apartment, but she needed to make sure that _one place_ was still there.

And there it was, Acme Looniversity, in all its glory. Being a Saturday evening, there were no toons around, save for Pete and his cleaning crew. She didn't bother to enter, though, perhaps afraid of what she would f—

"Like, Mary! Hi, er sum junk!"

Whirling, she saw the mystic third of the Amazing Three: "Shirley?"

"Like, I didn't sense you returning to Acme Acres! Like, weren't you in New York, er sum junk?"

"New York?" she asked in fright.

"Like, yeah! 'The Evening News', er sum junk!"

The humanmaid turned away slightly for a moment. Why had Shirley suddenly become so friendly with her? "Shirley, I've never been to New York, much less to a professional news show. And why are you so happy to see me? I thought you didn't like me!"

She stood back at that. "Mary, like, what are you talking about? _Everyone_ here likes you!"

"What?" This was just impossible for the humanmaid to believe. "Shirley, what happened to everything? And where are Calamity, Beeper, and Lightning?"

The loon hen raised an eyebrow. "Like, don't you remember?"

"Remember what?"

"Wow, like, New York must have frizzled your memory, er sum junk! Like, don't you remember last year, in, like, your farewell party?" The "journalist" rolled back, completely speechless.

_Farewell party_?

"Like, your memory _is_ frizzled, er sum junk! Everyone knows that Calamity, Beeper, and Lightning returned to Mexico shortly after you left, er sum junk. They, like, haven't kept in contact, so I, like, don't know if they've seen you in 'The Evening News', er sum junk. Like, when you told me you made it to the show, like, we all, like, hounded the cable company to carry the channel you would be in, er sum junk!" Slowly, Mary turned away again and rolled unsteadily away from Shirley. The Mexicans were gone? She was supposed to be in New York doing a news show? Wait, if she was supposed to be in New York since _last year_, then what happened to— "Like, why the surprise visit? A news assignment, er sum junk? Like, we're such best friends, Mary, like, we always tell each other everything, er sum junk. Why didn't you, like, tell me you were coming here in your last e-mail?" The mammal did a sudden double take at her.

_Best friends_!

Sensing distress, the avian asked, "Like, Mary, are you okay? Do you have jet-lag, er sum junk?"

The African-American was losing her grip on what she knew was reality. She needed familiarity NOW. "Sh-Shirley, what's my e-mail address?"

"Like, which one? The news one, for your audience, or your private one, for us?"

"B-both," was all that she could stutter. Everything was becoming stranger by the minute.

"Well, your news show gave you but you know that I only send to visibly paled at that. After a moment, she nervously asked, "I _d-did_ change looniversities?"

"Like, hey, you always said you needed to, and in the end, you did, er sum junk! Like, best career move you ever made! You, like, always thanked me for it, er sum junk!"

Double take. "I thanked _you_?"

"Fer sure! Like, you always listen to your best friend, er sum junk!"

There it was again. Closing her eyes momentarily, Mary asked carefully, "Shirley, _when_ did we become best friends? I thought you, Babs, and Fifi—" Right on cue, Furrball dashed past them, with a white stripe painted on his back, AGAIN. And right behind him, doing the traditional skunk-skip, was Fifi LaFume. Again, Mary had trouble digesting what she saw and smelled, as both females stepped/rolled back from the scent trail the skunkmaid left behind. Wasn't Fifi taking medication that _prevented_ this now?

"Like, you thought me, Babs, and Fifi what?"

Snapping back to her, the humanmaid continued, "—um, you, The Amazing Three, didn't want anything to do with me, especially _you_, after what happened with J.A.M. and—"

"Like, who?"

"J.A.M. The J.A.M. My boyfriend, remember?"

The loon hen raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Boyfriend?"

"Yes. You and Plucky actually joined forces against him, despite him not being a villain."

"Like, you took in a boyfriend, and you never told me? What kind of best friend are you, er sum junk!" asked the avian angrily, arching her neck, and placing her wings on her hips.

"Told you? Shirley, you were there!" replied the mammal, her last grips on familiarity slowly giving way.

Shirley blinked, "I was?"

"Yes! Remember? Mexican jaguar, black t-shirt, Waiting One, deep voice, you couldn't read his mind, freaked you out?"

"Like, your boyfriend isn't human? Like, gawd! Now I know why you kept it to yourself! So, like, he's waiting for you back in New York? And, like, what's this about me not being able to read his mind, er sum junk? I can, like, read _anyone's_ mind if I want to, including yours!"

Grabbing the psychic's shoulders and pulling her close, the "journalist" spoke slowly, "No, Shirley, he's not 'waiting' for me anywhere, he's a Waiting _ONE_. And he came HERE. We met IN THE LOONIVERSITY. His name is THE J.A.M."

For several seconds, Shirley looked at her "best friend" in the eye. There was desperation with a hint of terror, but of what? "Like, Mary, you're like, freaking _me_ out now, er sum junk. But you know that, like, the Looniversity has never had any jaguars for students, or teachers, er sum junk."

She released her, and staggered back again. "He never came here?"

As a last resort, the loon hen decided to probe her mind to see what all this was about. Sensing incredibly scrambled thoughts, she gasped and stepped back. "Like, Mary, are you all right, er sum junk? Your mind is—"

"Bleep it, no!" shrieked Mary, but not at Shirley's question. She jumped and pulled down the scenery of Acme Forest, right in front of the huge oak tree in front of the cave, leaving a stunned loon hen alone back in the city. In the forest, Mary spin-changed back into her white shoes, ran to the tree, and knocked furiously. "J.A.M.? Furrycoat? Are you in there!" The tree still sounded hollow, but there was no response. She searched the trunk for the hidden keyhole, but it wasn't there. She pushed against the wood, but it wouldn't budge. Running around the tree, she tried to look at the space between it and the cave, but the oak was practically wedged against the stone. Her panic was now pushing to extremes. She ran back to the front, pulled out a huge mallet, and whacked the tree as hard as she could. The bark caved in, revealing the now splinter-littered interior. Putting away her weapon, she carefully stepped into the "garage". It was still as big as she remembered it, but there was more dust and cobwebs than she remembered. Stepping as far inside as she could, she felt around for the cave opening. Getting another idea, she pulled out a flashlight, illuminating her surroundings.

Her gasp caused her to cough violently because of the huge amount of dust.

Nevertheless, what caused her to gasp was this: The cave was there, but instead of leading to a living room, it was just one empty space, without additional chambers. There were no doors, which meant that there was no kitchen, no bedroom, no bathroom, nothing. No furniture, no utilities, no pictures, and what sent her panic into hyperdrive: no jaguar.

"He never came here…" she whimpered, before slumping to the ground and dropping the flashlight; all the fear and stress finally taking its toll. Ironically, a line from a Loony Toon short suddenly came to mind:

"They left me all alone! Where did everybody go?"

The WB thought it would be funny to end the story right there, with that ostrich chick looking about for his "mother", and not being able to find "her" because "she" had "her" head buried in the ground, along with "her" nemesis.

But this was _far_ from funny. What had happened to all her friends? Where were they? Were they all right? Were they still alive? And most of all, _where was her boyfriend_?

Her heart connected with her throat as she hugged her legs tightly. She cried desperately now, horrified at the unknown, scared to death at all the sudden changes, and her chest nearly collapsing at the overwhelming loneliness and fear that suddenly overcame her.

"J.A.M.—!" she sobbed, "Furrycoat—! Where are you—!"


	6. Eyi: Anathema

EYI - ANATHEMA

There were no mansions, caves, or anything that remotely resembled a permanent dwelling in the Canadian tundra. There _was_, however, a tent set up near the shore. The tent was on the northernmost point of Canada: Cape Columbia of Ellesmere Island. The only land that extended closer to the North Pole was Greenland, about 100 kilometres east. To the north, a distant white mass along the water indicated the ice pack of the Arctic Ocean. Today was a cloudless sky, and the 24-hour sun lay low in the horizon, shining on the tent, and its owner.

He was an arctic wolf, which meant that his fur was completely white. It was thick enough to shield him from the bitter cold of the far north, which was evidenced by his breath condensing in front of his muzzle. He did wear clothes, though. His attire consisted of black leather pants, black boots, a black leather jacket, and sunglasses, giving the impression that he was part of a motorcycle gang. The wolf had just finished his exercise and training routine, and now he sat down on the rocky shore.

And he was worried.

Kendo and Ryoko hadn't contacted him since they left to investigate reports of a cyclops, or something similar, somewhere in Latin America. They weren't as impulsive as he was when it came to this type of cases, so they wouldn't have dared tried to fight the supposed cyclops if they had indeed found it. So why hadn't they called?

He had waited enough. Once he finished training here, he would search for them starting from their last known coordinates. But first, it was time for his daily readings. Pulling out his brown leather-bound Book, he read from where he left off in the morning:

"The people of the land have been acting cruelly, stealing by force; they have been hard on the poor and those in need, and have done wrong to the foreigners. And I looked for a man among them who would repair the wall and take his station in the broken place before Me for the land, so that I might not send destruction on it, but there was no one. And I let loose my rage on them, and have terminated them in the fire of my wrath: I have made the punishment of their ways come on their heads—"

"D-BOY!"

The wolf suddenly whirled to see a huge Dove behind him. "Dove" was actually a shape, since the Creature was composed of fire, and It was five metres high. Still, It had the eyes and beak of a dove, and spoke quite fluently.

Quickly rolling in front of the dove in submission, on his back, paws up, and ears low, the canine replied, "Yes, Master?"

The Dove's countenance lowered, "D-Boy, there is an assignment for you, one that will not be pleasant."

The wolf's ears flattened against his head. "Why? What's going on?"

The Dove folded His "wings" behind Him, and landed, "It has to do with the passage you read just now. There is one who has crossed the line of Final Destruction." The canid's blood seemed drain from him at that statement. Cases like that involved the most evil of the evil. "I sent him one last servant to warn him of his ways, and not only did he reject My Message, but he also brutally tortured, killed, and _ate_ my servant. There will be no more Waiting Ones 'making up the wall and taking his station in the broken place before Me for him' because I have branded him now as Anathema."

The leather-clad mammal gasped silently at that. "Anathema," he remembered: "Cursed and destined for irredeemable destruction."

"Yes. Both in this life, and in the next. He has sunk into so much evil that no civil authority can handle him. Only _you_ can now."

He gulped and tucked his tail in. "You—You want me to kill him. To destroy him."

"His body must be destroyed now; otherwise he will accumulate greater and greater punishment in eternity."

Yes, even in punishment and judgment, there was still a measure of mercy. The wolf shuddered at the punishment this person had already accumulated, and was scared to think what the punishment would be should he live longer while doing evil without no one stopping him. "Where—where is he?" he sighed with great sadness.

"The coordinates of his hideout are now in your airbike's guidance system. This is who he is:" A full-body picture of the Anathema suddenly appeared on the Dove's left, almost as if it were in a flat screen monitor, and the carnivore straightened up to get a close look at him. The Anathema had obviously been through a lot, too much, even, to end up looking the way he did. And though it was just a picture, D-Boy could sense great evil emanating from it. The Dove continued, "There is a greater evil involved in his case because someone _caused_ him to live an evil life, but I Myself will deal with the one who did that. Your job is to seek the Anathema and destroy him."

The canine returned to his submission pose. "Are there any special instructions in dealing with him?"

"Be careful with those around him, because he is not alone. There is one _higher_ than a Waiting One who will try to dissuade him, so again I say: be careful. I AM with you, always." With that, the Dove vanished. D-Boy stood, ears low and tail still tucked in, reflecting on his instructions.

It wasn't the first time he had been asked to deal with the most evil of the evil, but what pained him was the fact that now a soul was lost for eternity. Like his Master, he didn't find amusing the death of the evil. But whenever the evil turned from the Dark Side and renounced all wrong doing, however, now THAT was reason to celebrate if there ever was one. Anger and frustration built up inside him at the futility of it all, and the madness of the Anathema to blatantly reject a way out of Hell. Looking at the ice pack in the distance, the arctic wolf extended his right paw toward it, and closed his eyes. Though he wasn't psychic, he did have powers that enabled him to seek out life forms on the ice. Finding none, he suddenly thrust both fists at the ice, and an enormous energy blast shot from them. Less than one second later, the blast slammed on the pack with a horrendous explosion that shot ice and seawater all over, with white chunks splashing everywhere moments later, and a few even fell on the shore near the wolf's camp. Though not his most powerful blast, it was enough to calm him down a trifle, for now.

_Sorry, Kendo and Ryoko, but I have to do this first._

He pulled up camp and packed all his belongings on the back of his transport: an airbike. It resembled a futuristic blue motorcycle, except that it had round hover pads instead of wheels, air fins, and a turbine-like exhaust port on the rear. Climbing on, he turned on the GPS system and the flight plan computer. On the small screen, he saw the location of the Anathema. He huffed at the distance, and location, because it was way south, _and_ in an urban area, meaning that he would not be able to fly the whole distance at supersonic speeds.

No matter. Perhaps the long trip would calm him down as well, and he would be able to complete his mission with a cool head.

Or perhaps, he was relieved that he wouldn't have to deal with the anathema right now.

With a whine that sounded like a turbine crossed with a VW engine, the airbike rose from the rocky shore and flew south, just to the left of the sun.


	7. Nawi: Explanations And Theories

NAWI - EXPLANATIONS AND THEORIES

She didn't know for how long she sat there and cried her lachrymal glands out. She didn't know for how long her throat threatened to choke itself. She didn't know for how long her heart felt like shattering and imploding. She didn't know for how long her strength simply left her.

She didn't know much of anything now.

Opening her eyes, she examined the cave again. She recognised some contours on the walls, and despite the dim light that the low batteries of the flashlight provided, she could tell without error where everything was supposed to be. The table would be right in front of her. On her left would be the pictures, and way in the back would be the bookshelf. Three metres from her was where the couch went, where she was sitting, with him in her lap, less than eight hours ago. Where the back wall was now, there would be the hallway that led to the entertainment room, pool, bathroom, and bedroom. On her right, toward the back, another entry would lead to the kitchen. Instead of this annoying fungi-generated smell, she was supposed to be enveloped by a very marked feline musk, with hints of chocolate, and most recently, hints of chlorine from the new pool. In fact, the scent memory was so vivid she could practically still smell him now.

And now, it had all been snatched from existence. But why? And why was she the only one who remembered? Why did everyone keep telling her of things that she did not remember happening? Was she in another dimension? A parallel universe? A different timeline?

That last question seemed to flip a switch within her, halting her sobbing and bringing her strength back. Shakily, she stood, with a few joints popping as she straightened out and stretched. There was a moment of light-headedness as her blood returned to its normal circulation, making her stagger a trifle. With a gruff sigh, she cleaned her face as best as she could, and picked up the flashlight again. She had a sudden theory of what could have happened, but since it was based on several science-fiction movies she'd seen, it seemed so preposterous that it just _couldn't_ be true, not without input from a genius. And since her genius friend was gone, she would have to ask _another_ genius for help.

But first, she had to be sure of something.

Putting the flashlight away, she reached up once again and pulled down the scenery, this time of the interior of Acme Looniversity, specifically, just outside the studio wing. It was completely empty because of the weekend, and dark due to the hour, which suited her fine for what she needed to do. Glancing around and finding no cleaning crews to annoy her, she ran inside, hoping that one thing she remembered would still be there.

It was, yet it wasn't.

Her cubicle was still there, and its computer, but someone else had installed himself here. The new operator was obviously a male, evidenced by pictures of Minerva Mink in various states of near-nekkidness. With a disgusted sigh, she sat down and turned on the computer. As the PC powered up, she considered going to her apartment and using her computer there, but then she remembered that everyone thought that she was still in New York, and that would include her parents, meaning that she would have to provide them an explanation as to why she was there, which she didn't have at the moment. Her attention returned to the screen when the computer asked for a name and password. _Here goes nothing,_ she thought, typing the name and password she knew, praying that they had not been deleted from the syst—

WELCOME, MARY MELODY

She sighed with the first form of relief she had since this madness began, though she wondered _why_ she still had access to this system. Perhaps there was a deal with the Looniversity and the news agency in New York, but she'd figure that out later. Now, to business. The time and date on the bottom of the screen coincided with that on her watch, meaning that she had _not_ travelled through time, giving her more relief. She searched the alumni files for her boyfriend, but there was no trace of him, bringing back her fear. She searched in the panther, feline, carnivore, and mammal sections, but there were no jaguars. There never had been. In fact, the only large feline _anywhere_ in the Looniversity was Pete Puma. Searching the transfer records, there had been none that involved students from Mexico City.

In fact, the only transfers with Mexico had been _from_ the Looniversity.

She found Calamity's file, confirming what she had heard earlier. He had indeed transferred last year, but not to another comedy school. He had moved back to his hometown of Heroica Nogales, Sonora, Mexico, apparently to pursue independent science research. Little Beeper had transferred to a cooking school in Hermosillo, Sonora, perhaps choosing that city in particular to stay close to his canine friend. Lightning Rodriguez had returned to Guanajuato to study—

_Business Administration?_

All the Mexicans gave up on comedy?

Wait a minute, then what did SHE do here?

She searched for her own file, and saw that she had indeed transferred to a journalism school in New York City.

Then, it dawned on her.

As her close friends, they very much did everything together. So if she had transferred to a journalism school, that meant that she had given up on comedy, and had been the first to do so.

Her friends just followed in her footste—

WHAT! Sneezer had been accepted into the _Carnegie Institute_! Transferring there next fall? How did _that_ happen? And Sweetie was preparing a transfer to study zoology in the _Smithsonian Institute_! Quite convenient that both schools were in New York so she could stay close to Sneezer. But why—?

Then, she sat back and realised: with The J.A.M. absent, not acting as a catalyst that snapped them out of their rut and encourage them _not_ to give up on comedy, her friends and she did what they thought would be best for them.

And apparently, they had successful lives now.

But why wasn't The J.A.M. listed at all? How come no toon had ever heard of him? Did he also have a successful life? Was he all right? Or was he even still alive?

It was those questions that kept her from accepting this "new reality" and going with the flow. She HAD to find out what happened to him.

She just couldn't stand not knowing.

And that brought her back to square one. The theory she had involved the event with the transporter, because that was when the change began. But the only one who knew how that transporter worked was Calamity Coyote.

And the only toon that knew more than Calamity Coyote, of course, was _Professor Wile E. Coyote_.

She logged out and shut down the computer. A quick spin-change and her roller-blades were on her feet once again. Though she could have used another scene change, she decided to skate toward the Looniversity's science wing to give her time to try to push down some of the fear that kept tugging at her heart.

Five minutes later, she was in front of the laboratory's main door. Standing on the skates' rubber pads, she peeked through the window, sighing with relief that this part of her theory was correct. Wile E. Coyote was indeed inside, writing formulas on the huge blackboard. Leave it to Professor Coyote to spend his weekends pondering quantum physics. As the carnivore stood back to ponder on what he just wrote, Mary knocked. He turned, saw her, and smiled with surprise.

"Professor Coyote?" she asked shyly as she entered.

"Mary Melody!" he exclaimed, dusting off the chalk from his paws. "I thought you were still in New York City!"

"So everyone keeps telling me," she replied nervously, one hand behind her head, and shaking his paw with the other.

"What brings you back to Acme Acres, and specifically, to the Looniversity, and on a Saturday night, at that!"

Two pairs of brown eyes met, one surprised, the other afraid and confused. "Professor? I—I know that this is going to sound like I'm crazy or something but—but—I'm not—well—actually, I _am_ Mary Melody—but—I'm not the Mary Melody you _think_ I am."

He looked at her. "You're a clone?"

"N-no! I've always been real and I know I existed since I was born but—but—um—I think—I think I'm in the wrong dimension or universe." She half expected him to laugh in her face or call security, but he didn't.

The elder just looked at her and breathed deeply, drooping his left ear. "Go on?"

The teenager rubbed her hands in additional nervousness, "Well—um—Professor—I know Calamity's been gone for a year—but did he ever mention to you any plans of building a transporter?"

The question seemed to remove any remnants of incredulity from the canine, making him widen his eyes and sit down. "Have a seat," he said with frightening plainness. She sat in front of him, now nervous because she was alone with a large predator. "Calamity mentioned to me a transportation theory eighteen months ago, and we discussed how the machine would be built, but he never built it, at least not here. He and Beeper returned to Sonora shortly after you left."

"Yes, I know."

He lowered his ears, "And the reason I don't question your claim of being from another dimension or universe is because neither he nor I ever mentioned that theory, or showed any blueprints, to anyone. How is it that you know?"

Unsure whether to feel relieved because he believed her, or frightened because she knew something she wasn't supposed to know, she began, "Because—because _both_ of you told me, _and_ showed me…" The humanmaid recounted the events of Calamity's laboratory in the cave as best as she could, and how she found herself in this place. It took her a while to explain everything without knowledge of technical jargon, but the canid seemed to understand.

Understand _too_ well, it seemed, because by the time Mary finished her spiel, he was visibly nervous: both ears were flat against his skull, and his tail was low. Both sat silently in the lab for a while, one relieved at finally having spoken to someone who understood, and the other filled with dread as he considered the implications of the events at hand. The carnivore sat back and rubbed his face for a moment, trying to find some flaw in Mary's explanation, something that would throw a monkey wrench at what he _knew_ had to have happened. "Good heavens," he sighed with slight desperation, after finding none. He looked at her again and asked, "You ran straight to this 'Elmyra', just as she was engulfed in a blue light?"

"Yes."

Slowly, the latrans stood, padded toward the dark window, paws behind him, and spoke softly, "When Calamity presented to me the theory and a rather crude design, deep in my mind I knew that with the right modifications, and a huge power source, the transporter could double as a time machine. I never mentioned that to him because I knew he would stumble onto that possibility all by himself as he continued to work on his machine. I felt somewhat relieved when he told me that he had shelved the project, and that he would call me if he ever decided to continue with it. After he transferred, he never did call, and so I thought that the machine would never be built, and he would never know of the dangerous potential it had." He turned to her, "But you say he actually _finished_ building it?"

"Yes, and you helped him." The coyote closed his eyes and slowly shook his head in defeat. "Professor—did—did I travel through time?"

He sat down again. "No. You'll be relieved to know that your temporal status has not been altered."

"Relieved?" asked the humanmaid with a hint of anger. "Then why is everything different?"

A deep sigh was his response, then he leaned toward her and explained, "You have not travelled through time, but you _are_ in an alternate timeline."

She had no strength to gasp now, and her blood pooled again.

"Normally, you shouldn't remember anything from your original timeline, like the rest of us, but it seems that when you ran into the light, you entered the extra-temporal space the time machine generated in order to transport matter from one era to another. Since you weren't standing still, as the 'Elmyra' was, you did not travel through time, like she did, but you instead shifted to the alternate timeline that this person created. In other words, because you kept running, you stayed in the same place, but in a tangent of your original timeline. That's why everything seems altered to you, but to us, it seems normal."

Mary realised that she must have kicked her boyfriend's possessions into the blue light just before she jumped on the pad. "But how could the transporter have acted like a time machine? Calamity said that it didn't have all the components necessary!"

"My best guess is that in the future, someone got hold of the transporter, finished the modifications, found a huge energy source, and took a time trip. According to you, the transporter pulled the traveller toward it, so it was powered trans-temporally by the machine in the future because it was basically the same machine in two different points in time. The controller this person had must also work trans-temporally in order to return her, and those other toons, to their original time. Those other toons must have entered the extra-temporal space at the last moment, which is why they fell from the ceiling when they reached your time. A terribly foolish and idiotic move, if you ask me. You kept on running, which is why you switched timelines, but those others most likely were caught in the backwash of the extra-temporal space. They could have been lost in oblivion."

"Could they be here too?"

"No. They didn't join you in your last-minute dash, so they're probably changed as well, and don't remember what happened."

She didn't know how many more complications she could take, much less try to reverse them. "Professor, is there a way of getting me back to my own timeline?"

"You wish to return and have everything back the way it was, with no one remembering _this_ timeline but you?"

"Yes."

The Genius raised his ears, pondered her request, and explained, "Mary, are you _sure_ you want to do that? It would be easier for me to fuse you into your alternate self in New York. From what you told me, in your original timeline, Calamity, Beeper, Lightning, and you, stay here struggling with comedy. In _this_ timeline, all of you have successful careers, and Sneezer and Sweetie are about to have them as well. Do you want to take away all that for an unsure shot at comedy?"

The student's eyes glistened as she prepared her reply, "There is something much deeper involved in this, Professor. You've never heard of a Mexican jaguar named 'The J.A.M.'?"

He cocked his head, "'The J.A.M.'? Jaguar? No, I haven't. The only large felines I know are Pete, a black panther—leopard—and a lion from the Loony Toons shorts. Do I know him in the other timeline?"

The knot returned to her throat, and tears finally rolled again, "Yes, you do. We all do. He's—he's my boyfriend." A raised eyebrow and one drooped ear were all that the carnivore could reply with. "I—I know it sounds strange, but where I came from, many things happened that brought us together. He transferred to the Looniversity—but in this timeline—I—" she sobbed, "I can't find him anywhere! He's not in the files, no one has heard of him—it's as if he never came here!" Crying openly now, she didn't know how else to explain it to the Genius.

But that was enough for him. Looking up, both ears raised, he pondered again, "A toon that never showed up, with no records nor memories whatsoever—Mary, I know this is difficult for you, but do you remember anything that the girl said when she was at the lab?"

The African-American snapped out of her grief and thought hard. "The Elmyra look-alike had the name of a state, Nebraska or Dakota, I think. The three toons that appeared with her were trying to stop her because she wanted to destroy someone named 'J' and 'M', and for all I know those two could be Men In Black, but she seemed to know both The J.A.M. _and_ me. In fact, she seemed very afraid of him, and even attacked him by triggering—um—a reflex that only the Mexicans and I knew about. When she turned on the time machine again, she said 'good riddance' to him, and also said stuff like that to me, 'J', and 'M'."

Wile stood again, and reasoned, "Hmmm, she mentioned the four of you separately, so obviously 'J' and 'M' are not 'The J.A.M.' and you. She was obviously after your boyfriend, as well as those two, perhaps planning on attacking them in another point in time where those other toons wouldn't be able to interfere. Are 'J' and 'M' relatives of his?"

"I don't think so. No one in his family is named like that, and none of us know any MIB's."

"Then J and M are probably at the point in time where she travelled to. I suppose she was planning on taking out both of them there." He would have continued pondering on the possibilities, but Mary interrupted him.

"Professor?"

"Yes?"

"I need to find him. Please help me find my boyfriend."

He sighed, and looked down at her, ears down, with frightening seriousness. "You do realise that he could be _anywhere_ in the world now, or he could be nowhere. He could be dead, and that's why no one remembers him."

At the mention of the word "dead", terror filled the humanmaid again. Through tears, however, she made her resolve, "If—if he's dead—then so be it. But I don't know if he's dead or alive. Please, Professor, I need your help to find that out!"

"Supposing he's dead. What would you do then?"

"Then—if you can't return me to my own timeline, then I'll stay here and let you fuse me into my alternate self."

"And what if he's alive and well, and with a successful career, just like Calamity and the others? Would you still want to take all that away from them by destroying this timeline? If you return everything to the way it was, you'll erase all the success that they have now. And remember, if no one here has heard of The J.A.M., then it's very likely that he has never heard of _you_, either."

The student had to think hard at that option, and after she did, her response was: "If—if he's better off now than he was before, I'll let him be and go to New York to be fused. Perhaps I'll try to get back with him, if I can."

"But what if he _isn't_ better off? Do you want to destroy the _others'_ careers in order to have him back with you?"

More difficult issues here, "If he's not better off, then I'll go to Sneezer, Sweetie, Lightning, Beeper, and Calamity to ask them if I can go restore my own time. If just _one_ of them refuses, I'll stay here, but I'll still ask them to help get The J.A.M. to his feet. He has helped us more than anyone else has, so it would be the least we can do for him, even if he hasn't actually done anything for us in this timeline."

The coyote raised his ears and smiled again. "Truly a wise answer, Mary. I'll help you find your boyfriend. Come with me." With renewed strength, she stood and followed him to another section of the laboratory. "Do you have any pictures of him, or any belongings of his?"

"Yes, I do, actually." The humanmaid pulled out a picture, but then hesitated to look at it, suddenly remembering a few Michael J. Fox movies again, and thus fearing to see what had happened to her picture.

"Interesting looking fellow," said Wile, snapping Mary out of her suspense.

"Huh?" She looked at the picture, one that Banjo took of them on the roof of Mary's apartment building. And there he was, on her left, arm around her shoulder.

"I take it you were expecting him to have vanished from the picture?" The teenager looked up at him, speechless. "Yes, I saw those movies too. His image would have vanished if you hadn't run into the extra-temporal space, or if you had travelled in time as well. Since the picture didn't change, it can't tell us if he's still alive, though." She gave it to the elder, still filled with terror at the unknown. "Thanks. I take it you're _quite_ romantically involved with him, are you not?"

She stood still at that question, wondering what its relevance was in all this. Nevertheless, she replied, "Yes, but we keep it clean," nearly indignant at the apparent insinuations.

"I never doubted that, Mary. However, I asked that because I need some samples of The J.A.M.'s aniplasm and DNA—"

_Very_ indignant now, "Hey! I _said_ we've kept it clea—!"

"Mary, you smell like a jaguar."

Blushing furiously now, the African-American had no idea what to reply to that fact. Leave it to furry olfactory powers to reveal the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. So instead, she stuttered, "But—but—we didn't do anything! We just kissed! In his couch! Nothing more—!"

No sooner had she begun to explain their innocence when the Genius pulled out a hairbrush. "And I never thought otherwise. The only thing I smelled on you was _jaguar fur_, which I need." Incredulously, Mary took the brush from him, surprised at her own jumps to conclusions. With resignation, she brushed off as much fur from her shirt and pants as she could. As she did, she saw Wile activate a computer which seemed to be connected to a metal box, which in turn seemed to be connected to a rolled up projection screen on the roof. Tending to herself, she heard him explain, "I figured something was amiss when you arrived unannounced, and smelling of jaguar, cave, and a slight hint of Calamity, meaning you _had_ been with them recently. Thus, your initial claims did not sound so fantastic to me, not as much as they would have sounded to anyone else of the faculty. Now then, Calamity's idea inspired me to try this. You know that a scene change only works if you know the place you're switching to?" The girl nodded. "Well, this little setup can help find a missing toon, wherever he/she/it might be. My brush, please," he asked, turning to her. She gave it back to him, and he proceeded to remove the fur from it with a comb, letting the jaguar fur drop in the metal box. "The computer will track his DNA, aniplasm, and character design, and when you pull down the screen, you will pull down the scenery where he is located, provided—" he suddenly turned to her again, "—that he _exists_ in this timeline." The female paled at that possibility. She saw some LED's flash on the box and around the monitor. "I do have to warn you that I can't say what you'll find on the other side." His frightening seriousness returned.

"And—and—"she stuttered, "—what if he doesn't exist? What if he's dead?"

"If he's dead, you'll probably end up in a cemetery. If he's not in this timeline anymore, you'll just end up in a big black nothing, but you'll only need to pull down another screen to return from that. If that happens, I'll contact Calamity and we'll work on fitting you in this timeline. Also, should you need the others' help, here are a few things that can help you reach them through scene changes." Wile handed her some postcards of several Mexican cities, obviously sent by Lightning, Calamity, and Beeper. "Their fingerprints are still on the cards, so you shouldn't have any problems finding them—"

(PING)

Both turned to the machine, which was now flashing green LED's. "Ready when you are, Mary," he said, stepping aside so she could skate under the screen.

Steeling her nerves as best as she could, she replied, "Okay, here it goes." Rolling under the long casing—with wobbly legs, however—she jumped, grabbed the string, and pulled down the screen. Rolling back a trifle, she saw a big black nothing in front of her.

Terror filled her again.

"There could be more, Mary," he said, handing the photo back to her. "Step inside, and see what you can find."

The teenager nodded at the elder, and she eyed the blackness resolutely. Squaring her shoulders, she rolled forward, and stepped inside.

Wile saw her go inside and be swallowed up by the black nothing. Moments later, he pulled up the screen, and turned off the computer. Then, he pulled out his agenda, and prepared to make a phone call to Heroica Nogales, Sonora, Mexico.


	8. Makuil: Dark Legend

MAKUIL - DARK LEGEND

There was darkness, absolute darkness.

For a moment, she considered pulling out another flashlight, but then realised that the light could frighten anyone who might be here.

But who could be _here_?

Then she saw a dim light ahead, and heard someone singing. Rolling toward the light and sound, she saw that she was inside a closet, and was standing next to a closet door with horizontal wood blinds. The closet was rather large but she couldn't see what was being kept inside. And although she wasn't a furry toon, she could smell motor oil all around her. Suddenly her stomach lurched as she caught the scent of sewers. Was that where she was?

"… ¡Ya viene amaneciendo!

¡Y la luz del día nos dioooooo!"

Several males were singing, in Spanish, and extremely off-key. Peeking through the blinds, she saw the back of a big black leather chair, which was in front of a tattered desk. The chair hid whoever was sitting on it, and several males stood in front of the desk, one of which was a pheasant, and another was a spider monkey, both with black t-shirts.

_"… ¡Le— _

—_Van— _

—_Ta— _

—_Te de mañana…!"_

She realised that she was no longer in Acme Acres. So where was she, then? Los Angeles? Chicago? Florida? She thought she had heard that song before, from The J.A.M., but he obviously wasn't singing. Suddenly, she remembered the GPS that her boyfriend gave her. She was about to check it, but then realised that she couldn't, not without turning on any lights in order to find the coordinates on a map.

_"… ¡Mira que _

_Ya ama— _

—_necioooooooooo! _

_¡Tan-tan!"_

The song was over, apparently, since it was followed by cheering. Another smell hit her olfactory bulb, and that was the unmistakable stench of alcohol and cigarette smoke. And it was of no surprise because there were bottles filled with amber liquid on the desk, and overflowing ashtrays were strewn all over the desktop. The males also held up bottles and cigarettes as they cheered. An annoying haze filled the room, indicating that the smoking had gone on for a while.

"¡Salud!" they blurted, and all took long sips from their bottles, including whoever was sitting on the chair. And now that the song was done, she also thought she heard someone sobbing.

"Ahhhhh," sighed the "chairtoon", spitting to the side as he set his bottle down. Smoke billowed up from the chair. "Gracias, —— compadres. No sé qué —— haría sin ustedes. Esta —— fiestecita y —— regalitos me hacen sentir muy agradecido—y muy agradecido—y _muy_ agradecido—" Mary paled once again. She knew whose voice that was, but it seemed as if it had dropped an octave or two, and had growling mixed with it. And though she barely knew Spanish, she had the feeling in the pit of her stomach that Spanish curses were embedded in his speech, despite him not being bleeped out nor subtitled. "—y _muy_ agradecido—y _muy_ agradecido—"

"Oye, y ahora—"

"Tú cállate, Chino. Y _muy_ agradecido—"

"Por nada. ¡Sodas!" hollered the spider monkey to no one in particular.

"Bueno, ya," continued the toon in the chair. Mary saw the seat roll back, as the toon in it stood, but still couldn't see him from her position. "Es hora de disfrutar este —— regalito de cumpleaños, je je je." His laughter was deep and sinister. "Las —— joyas harán otra bonita cadena. Pero las —— joyas que me gustan más—" The chair shifted again, indicating that the toon was now leaning on the desk. "—son las —— _hembras_— ¡en el desayuno¡JA JA JA JA JA JA JA!" His cohorts laughed with him at what was probably a dirty joke. And for some reason, the laughter suddenly reminded her of Vincent Price and Dracula. "¡Y QUÉ —— JOYAS TENEMOS HOY!" he yowled, spitting to the floor again. "Una SABROSA puma—una DELICIOSA rata—gracias por el detalle, J.J. —" That "J.J." was said in _English_, she realised. "—una SUCULENTA mapache—y para el —— postre¡una RIQUÍSIMA zarigüeya!" More laughter and even more sobbing followed. Then, Mary heard some long sniffing, and thought that the "leader", whom she feared to be whom she thought he was, was wiping a laughter-generated tear out of his eye. Suddenly, he added, "Oigan¡gracias por la —— sorpresa!"

"¿Eh¿Qué sorpresa?" asked someone she couldn't see.

"Je je, no se hagan los ——. Yo hablo de _esta_ —— sorpresa—"

(WARPUNWARPYANK!)

The next thing Mary knew was that a bright light was blinding her, having been suddenly yanked out of the closet and thrown to the floor in front of the desk. "¡ESTA SORPRESA!" Her heart raced in terror when she realised she had been discovered by the leader, thanks to furry olfactory powers again. Gradually, she got used to the light, and the leader came into focus.

"Negrita…" he purred evilly, placing his cigarette on the ashtray.

There, in front of her, standing behind the desk, was none other than The J.A.M.

She scrambled to her feet, staggering back from him. He was him, and yet he was _not_ him. His headfur fell in a greasy tangled mess down his back to his hips. His left eye was gone, having only a milky sunken orb where it used to be. A loud scar ran across it, indicating that it had been lost in a violent way. How it happened, she was afraid to know. The huge blemish had replaced the small scar that had been next to his eye and had been hidden beneath his fur, but this—this—was insane! It was as if someone took that insignificant scar and multiplied its size, like in a computer art programme. His remaining eye was reddened with alcohol, hardened, and nearly glowing with intense evil.

"F—Furrycoat.?" she asked weakly. "D-don't you remember me?"

A raised eyebrow, and ears, highlighted his reply. "Hey¡y una —— gringuita también¿Sabes? Hace mucho que no ceno —— humanas, je je je." Whatever he asked her sent her panic to the stratosphere. His subordinates, apparently the others, laughed behind him too.

His attire was even more disturbing. Instead of his gold Cross and gold Star of David, huge gold chains hung from his neck, sporting every single occult symbol known to man and toon, and every symbol of every religion except Christianity: the swastika, the Ying-Yang, the "peace symbol", the pentagram, the cross with a question mark, the three leaf clover, the ankh, the 666, the FFF, a woman on top of a crescent moon, the heads of people she couldn't identify, the star of Solomon, the crescent moon, the Buddha, the twelve signs of the Zodiac—

And right below them, in his oversize black t-shirt, wasn't the "Hecho en México" seal. In its place, a red KISS logo proclaimed his musical preference.

He smiled at her in a way that sent chills of terror down her vertebral column. The look in his orange-red eye was completely out of place, in her opinion. His fangs were yellow and somewhat crooked. His bulky figure remained, only he seemed heavier, fatter _and_ more muscular at the same time. He turned slightly as he padded around the desk, and she saw his bloated abdomen deforming his t-shirt. Either he had a big lunch, or he had parasites, or both. He had mentioned to her before how he couldn't get rid of his gut no matter how much he exercised, but now it seemed as if his gut had won the battle and completely conquered his body. He spit on the floor again, something that she had never seen him do before, namely because the jaguar she knew considered that to be tremendously rude and anti-hygienic.

He reached to her with an extended index claw. She staggered back even more and fell back on an old black couch. He _still_ continued padding toward her. "Joo arr preetee, Negrita," he rumbled in an English that was not only broken, but also downright pulverised. His voice was his, and yet it wasn't. In fact, with his voice so low, his accent so marked, and his fangs so prominent, he could have passed for Dracula. But why was he speaking with such a heavy Spanish accent? What had happened to him? Why was he here, in this—this—slum? No, that's too good of a word. This sewer? This hole in Hades?

She then noticed a newspaper on the floor. Snatching it, she read the date.

It was today's, but in Spanish.

The date wasn't what caught her attention, however.

The name of the newspaper was what nearly made her scream.

EL HERALDO DE MÉXICO

**_MÉXICO! _**

Just what the bleep was she doing in Mexico?

What the bleep was HE doing in Mexico?

Looking up, he was right above her, his index claw reaching for the top of her t-shirt. The panther was also licking his lips and fangs in a tremendously disturbing manner.

Oh dear God, no.

The humanmaid squirmed as far back as she could, but he still reached for her. And what else could she do? Any pleading would probably not be understood. And with a minimal knowledge of Spanish, there would be no way she would be able to reason with him.

The jaguar hooked his claw on the neck of her shirt.

**_"J.A.M.!"_** she screamed, and for some reason added, "T-M.A.N.! R.R.O.S.I.E.! R.I.C.K.! J.U.L.E.! J.A.M.! R.R.O.S.I.E. TWO! Z.A.M.! H.O.K.E.Y.! C.A.T.M.A.N.!"

The onça sheathed his claw and withdrew instantly, silently gasping at the humanmaid; his eye wide open, and his ears laid back. As he stood completely still, Mary examined her surroundings. The couch was old and tattered, and it stank horribly. The place she was in was built with grey cement blocks and had a concrete floor which hadn't been swept in a while. A lone light bulb in the grey ceiling lit the whole area, save for a large semi-silent colour TV in one corner, which sat on a stack of newspapers and displayed a soccer game. All around were empty liquor bottles and beer cans, cigarette stubs, old wood chairs, and fragments of adult magazines. The couch was beside a closed door which had a sign proclaiming "PRIVADO". It obviously led to a bedroom, since the bathroom door was on the opposite side, slightly ajar, revealing the ceramic contents.

Then she saw the rest of The J.A.M.'s cohorts. There was the pheasant and the spider monkey, and there was also an ocelot, a Chihuahua dog, an iguana, and even a brown eagle, all wearing black t-shirts with logos of heavy metal bands. On the floor, however, with torn clothing, on their knees, paws tied behind them, was a female puma, a female grey rat, a female raccoon, and a female opossum. They were kneeling in front of the desk, and had turned slightly to look at her, the newcomer. Their faces indicated that they, too, did not want to be here, evidenced by their tears, hence, they were the ones who had been sobbing previously.

The panther suddenly turned to his cohorts and ordered, " Largo."

His gang turned to him, incredulous. "¿Qué?" asked the eagle.

"¡LÁRGUENSE!" he roared, swishing his tail and spitting again. "¡Y llévenselas también!"

The gang looked at each other incredulously, while the females' eyes lit up with slight hope. "¿Pasa algo, jefe?" asked the iguana.

The jaguar padded up to him, grabbed him by his shirt, and growled, "LÁRGUENSE DE AQUÍ _AHORA_. GUÁRDENLAS DONDE YA —— SABEN, PERO DÉJENOS SOLOS. **_¡Y TIENES DIEZ —— SEGUNDOS PARA SACAR TU —— —— DE AQUÍ ANTES DE QUE TE MATE!_**" To add weight to what he had just said, he threw the reptile out a third door, which was directly in front of the desk. He then glared at the rest of his gang, and hurriedly they yanked the screaming females to their foot-paws and scrambled out the door into the darkness that was behind it.

Not one second after they left, the ocelot popped his head back in and asked, "Oye, si te vas a —— a la gringa¿me dejas probar a la mapache?"

Stiffening at that request, the panther's yellow fur turned red. He turned to the door and growled, "Ven acá."

Paling, the felis lowered his ears, raised his paws, and backed off, "Ay, no, 'perate, me voy, me voy—"

**_"¡VEN ACÁ Y CIERRA EL —— PICO O TE VA PEOR!"_** Seeing how the smaller carnivore was paling was enough to make Mary scoot to the opposite side of the couch. Timidly, the ocelot entered again, and the jaguar pulled out a large comb while padding up to him. The subordinate mewled in terror as his boss carefully combed his head fur, parting it neatly down the middle of his head.

(WHAM!)

The uppercut was so swift that even though the humanmaid didn't blink, she didn't see the onça's right fist connect with the ocelot's jaw. She wasn't sure what the argument was about, but the jaguar she knew _couldn't_ and _wouldn't_ resort to violence so soon. Then she saw that before the smaller predator could slump to the floor, the larger predator grabbed his shirt and growled to his face, "Y la próxima vez¡te saco en —— pedazos¡LÁRGATE!" Not that the ocelot had much choice, since the jaguar threw him out and locked the door. His rage was apparently spent, since his fur returned to its normal colour. Not that it calmed down Mary at all, since The J.A.M. suddenly turned and asked her, "How de —— do joo kno my —— fameelee?"

"J—J.A.M.?"

"And my —— name! Arr joo weet de —— FBI?"

She had to think fast. "J.A.M.—Furrycoat—I'm—I'm—your girlfriend—" The African American could barely convince herself right now, much less the Mexican.

"Gerrlfrennd?" he spat. "I donno joo, Negrita! Now how de —— do joo kno me and my —— fameelee!" She kept wincing at his curses. "Joo sedd de —— names of my perents and my —— brodders and seesters een de —— orrderr we werre borrn!" He now towered above her, ready to pounce if she said one wrong word, and she knew that.

"J—J.A.M., I—I know this is difficult for you to believe—but—but—you told me. You told me all about them. In fact, you even told me—" The female suddenly hushed, realising that any one of his cohorts could be right behind the door. Pulling out a pen, she grabbed the newspaper, quickly scribbled something, and handed it to him.

The male snatched it, and read.

His jaw didn't fall on the floor as she expected, but it did fall wide open. Now, instead of a hungry and malevolent bloodshot eye, it was now a totally incredulous bloodshot eye. " Dees ees my rreal —— name—I never told ennee one my rreal —— name—I eerrased oll my past—how de —— deed joo kno what eet was?"

Sighing with exhaustion, Mary explained, "J.A.M.—you—you told me your name—you told me everything about you—"

For the first time in his life, The J.A.M. padded away from another toon. "Who de —— arr joo?"

Taking a deep breath, the humanmaid pulled out all the pictures she had on her, "I'm Mary Melody—your girlfriend—in another timeline." She handed him the pictures, but the jaguar didn't snatch them as she expected. Instead, he took them, raised his ears, and sat behind his desk to examine them. "There was an incident with a time machine, and many things were changed, many that weren't supposed to happen. Um, are we in Mexico City?"

"Jess," replied the carnivore, glancing at her. The omnivore had rather figured that out already; she just needed to be sure. So he never left Mexico City? " Dees —— guy looks like me," he quipped, taking a long drag from his cigarette. "Bott he has a —— taste een clowts and herr. _And_ he has two —— eyes. _And_—— frennds, too."

"J.A.M., where I'm from, you live in a much nicer place, and instead of a missing eye, you only have a small scar next to it. What happened to your eye?"

The felid looked up from the pictures, dropping them on the desk, spat, and smiled at her, "My eye? Je je, my —— brodder ees what happened to eet."

"What? Your brother?"

Looking up, he explained, "I remember eet perfectlee well. After one —— Creesmas, he came opp behind me and heet me weet a —— branch from de —— Creesmas tree. De —— branch was bery dry. De —— doctors coodn't sabe my —— eye. Beeg brodder lost oll hees —— presents to me."

She gasped as he smiled smugly for a moment.

Another anomaly.

He was not supposed to remember that at all!

The onça then glared at her again, "Bott how de —— do joo kno my seesters? One got seek and died, de odder keelled herself, bott one —— died een berth. How de —— deed you kno about _herr_?"

Egad, the changes were even _more_ drastic! "Died in birth? J.A.M., _all_ your sisters are still alive in the original timeline! Someone went back in time and changed everything, because she wanted to destroy you!"

The male took another drag, lowered his ears, frowned, and hissed, "_No one_ can —— deestroy me, Negrita."

Sheesh, he could give Fowlmouth serious competition! "No, J.A.M. You have already _been_ destroyed. You're not the jaguar you're supposed to be. This person destroyed the good toon you were, and replaced you with—with—this!" she gestured at him. "And—say, do you know anyone named J and M?"

The feline raised his ears, thought for a moment, spat, and answered, "No, nebber —— herrd of dem."

The humanmaid shook her head, "J.A.M., where I came from, you're a good guy. You still have your left eye. You don't drink or smoke or spit or say bad words—in fact, you can't stand _hearing_ bad words—and you want to be funny! You study comedy with me and all your friends!"

He coughed somewhat when he heard that last statement, "Fonny? Comedy? Negrita, I donn haff time forr —— fonny. I had to lerrn to —— fite seence I was forr. I nebber forrgabe my —— brodder, and I had to fite heem, and I —— beat heem, je je. And I haff been fiteeng seence den."

_Never forgave!_ "Fighting? But—why? If you defeated your brother and got your revenge, why do you keep on fighting?"

"To —— eat, why else?"

"What? You get paid to fight?"

"Je je, joo might —— say dat, Negrita. I fite to —— eat, and eat to —— fite. I'm a —— street fiter."

Mary gasped again. If he had been a boxer or wrestler or a martial arts expert, she would have understood, but fighting in the underground? "You—you never quit your karate lessons, did you?"

The J.A.M. whirled to her, ash falling from his cigarette, "How deed—oh, yes, I 'tolld' joo," he smirked. "Mennee —— comm from all oberr de —— worrld to fite me. I'm a —— legend een de —— street fiteeng worrld, 'a one eyed monstruo', je je. Dose who comm donn —— kno who dey weel —— fite onteel de —— fite beegeens—and none —— leeb to tell odderrs, je je je."

She shivered again. "What? You kill them?"

"And —— eat dem."

**_"EAT!"_** she shrieked.

The onça spat and explained with creeping calmness, "Hey, a —— carnívoro's gatt to eat."

"But—but—where I come from, the only meat you eat is from the supermarket!"

"Je je, I can't eksactly —— go dere now. Besides, de food tastes —— better dat way." The humanmaid covered her face as she wept, shaking her head at the madness of all of this. "Joo say joo'rre from anodder —— time?"

The female glanced up at him. "Y—yes. Do you believe me?"

The monster finished his cigarette and ground out the stub, "I donno. Joo —— kno a lot about me, joo —— _smell_ a beet like me, and joo haff dees —— fotos, bott how de —— deed joo get een de —— closet?"

She wasn't sure how to explain to him the mechanics of changing scenery, so she summarised, "We _both_ know how, at least in my own timeline. Comedy education. As to how I know everything about you and your family, it's because you told me. Please, you've got to believe I'm from an alternate timeline!"

"Joo —— gatt eento my closet weet —— comedy? I don't—waeet—" He was interrupted by the sound of a screaming crowd from the television. The jaguar suddenly jumped to his foot-paws and padded in front of it. And he, too, joined the crowd, "¡SI¡PELÉENSE, PELÉENSE, —— ——!"

With his back to her, the humanmaid finally saw what was on the back of his shirt, and it was not the "Calidad: EXPORTABLE" caption. Despite being covered with long and greasy headfur, she could plainly see a blood-red pentagram, complete with the goat head.

Just how far had he gone into witchcraft?

As The J.A.M. kept hollering at the television and spitting occasionally, Mary wondered what had him so excited, since she knew he wasn't very fond of sports before. Could he _love_ sports in this timeline? She stood and rolled to his right to see what was happening.

And she gasped once again.

She wasn't sure what soccer teams were playing, or even what country they were playing in, but the game had apparently been halted because all the team players were fighting one another. Whirling, she saw the jaguar's face light up with disturbing happiness; his eye glowing with insane joy and satisfaction, as if brawls were the only reason why soccer existed. How much more insanity had been imposed in this new timeline? She knew he hated sports, or at least hated playing them, but this was pure madness! She saw him jabbing and punching the air as if he was a boxing manager coaching his alumni; his laughter reminiscent of the ending of "Thriller" and a few vampire movies. Turning her attention back to the "game", the brawl had extended to the crowd, and anti-riot police was being brought in. The brawl went on and on, and the panther enjoyed every minute of it. By the time the broadcast was suspended and two human commentators were apparently lamenting the "sad events" of the day, the evil feline had sat down to rest from his "high", almost as if he had been in the middle of it all.

The humanmaid could not believe it. Before, he attacked only if he was attacked first. Sure, he had displays of temper, the biggest one was when he throttled a marten or sable or whatever it was, but he managed to suppress his temper before his instincts fully took over. Now, however, it seemed that he _lived_ on anger and violence. Slowly, she turned to the television and shut it off, and slowly again, rolled to face him. "J.A.M., what was all that about? You may be a street fighter now, but that wasn't a fight, that was a brawl!"

He looked at her with a disturbingly satisfied eye, "Je je, my —— worrk of arrt."

"ART!" she blurted, and pointed at the dead television, "You call that art?"

The "artist" smiled as he lit up another cigarette, "Do I —— hate fútbol wherr joo comm from?"

"Y-yes, you do. Actually, you just hate _playing_ because of—"

"Tell me, Negrita, do I —— do someteeng about fútbol?" he asked, taking a gulp out of a nearby bottle.

"Something? Well, you have a problem with your leg that got you out of gym class, but other than that, you just stay away from sports. Though you _do_ watch only the important games, like tournament finals, or my basketball games."

The panther chuckled again, tilting back on his chair, and spitting to the side. Extending the bottle to her, he offered, "Tequila?" and pulled back when he saw the female's disgusted grimace. "Karatte feexed de —— problem weet my leg, je je." He gestured at the set again and repeated, "My —— worrk of arrt. _Mine_."

It was then when she realised what he meant. "What? _Yours_? _You_ did that? _You_ caused that brawl? How? Why?"

Suddenly the male lowered his ears, "Negrita, I hate —— sporrts. I —— deespise dem. Espeshally —— team sporrts, like fútbol, básquetbol—" she shivered here, "—fútbol americano, hockee, roogbee, and —— béisbol!" His voice was mixed with growling, "I am —— deestroeeng dem to free dose een de fuchurre from —— drafteeng!"

"Free? Drafting? What are you talking about?"

"Yes, drafteeng. Dat ees how menny —— keeds get —— starrted. Dey send dem to —— fútbol camps agennst deir weel."

"What? That's crazy! If anyone leaves or stays in a team, it's because they want to! Where did you get that crazy idea from!"

"Negrita, joo donno what —— happens from when a —— keed gets drafted eento a —— team onteel he ees old eenoff to —— decide. For dose who like to —— play, dey get —— advantaches of no —— hommworrk, —— monnee for school, and —— torrmenteeng dose who don't play or play like ——, and dey get de best —— females! Joo donno de —— dat happens een de —— showerrs and dresseeng rooms, do joo?"

"I don't—I've never been in a male dre—"

The jaguar spat again. "Je je, _I have_, Negrita. And I kno what de —— happens. Bott I can stop oll dat weet —— biolence." He raised his ears and smoked again.

Now that made no sense whatsoever. "But—but how can violence stop all that?"

"Seemple. If I coss eenoff —— biolence een dem, oll —— sports weel be banned. I ollreddy gatt haff the —— fútbol season cancelled, je je je!"

Say what? "But—but—you didn't cause that! _You_ weren't playing! You couldn't have caused that brawl just now!"

"Je je, no, I'm nebber een de —— game. Bott I can always find one —— rrookee player or corropt —— réferi dat weel take a —— bribe to starrt de —— fites. Eet ees a work of —— arrt, I tell joo." This was too much. Her "boyfriend" bribed others into starting fights in order to get sports banned?

Looking around the place, "Negrita" realized that that task would be very expensive, "And—with what money? You don't seem to have a lot of it!"

The villain smoked some more. "Je je, I have —— monnee, joo josst don't see eet. De —— fonny teeng ees dat right now, oll —— gobberments arr lookeeng forr —— someone who ees washeeng —— monnee for Al-Qaida, ETA, FARC, los —— Zapatistas, and oll —— terroristas, bott what ees rreelly —— happeneeng ees dat I take oll deir —— monnee and use eet to starrt —— fites!" He laughed with disturbing joy again. _Washing money_? Oh, he meant _money laundering_. "Bott de fonny-er —— teeng ees—dat oll —— goverments are lookeeng for a —— _HYOOMAN_! A JA JA JA JA JA JA JA JA JA JA!"

The omnivore waited for his self-amusement to subside, and frowned, "You're not afraid of any authority, are you?"

"Ottoreety?" chuckled and spat the carnivore, taking another drag. "Negrita, joo donno how —— eesy eet ees to bribe enny —— ottoreety who comms too closs. Eet ees so —— eesy, I laff when I —— teenk about eet." He continued smoking and sipping his tequila, and after a while, asked, "Bott eenoff about —— me. Tell me more about —— joo, Negrita. Joo say joo'rre one of my —— gerrlfrends?"

She frowned with disgust again, "No, I'm your _only_ girlfriend."

_"Only?"_ he chuckled. "Only —— one? Je je, joo mosst be —— great een bed forr me to —— onlee want _one_!" He took another sip.

Mary rolled to the front of the desk, slammed her hands on the top, and growled, "I wouldn't know. We're both waiting for the honeymoon!"

A spit-take, conveniently aimed at the TV, was the result of that, and it even included a nostril blast. "¿QUÉ!" coughed The J.A.M., rubbing his aching nose. "Joo —— mean dat een anodder —— time we'rre—"

"Yes," she looked into his eye, "and _proud_ of eet—I mean—it!"

The smoker stared back at her, "Joor —— boyfrend likes básquetbol, stoddees —— comedy, dossen't say —— worrds, dossen't —— smokk, dossen't —— dreenk, dossen't —— speet, dossen't —— fite, dossen't _——_, and has only _one_ gerrlfrend?"

"YES," she glared at him.

"Joor boyfrend ees a —— _looser_," hissed the feline, lowering his ears and throwing the pictures in her face. The humanmaid staggered back at this and fought the urge to slap him, knowing he would retaliate in a much more violent way. "So joo'rre from anodder —— time, and joo appeerred een my —— closet. Why arr joo heer den?"

Calming down a trifle, she rolled up again, "J.A.M., I am here to help you. Someone changed the timeline so that you would turn into an evil toon! You're not supposed to be here! I'm here to help you get everything back to normal!"

The Street Fighter spat and ground out his cigarette, "Help? Normall? Negrita, do I —— _look_ like I _need_ —— help?"

"If you had known yourself before, you would think so," replied Negrita, picking up the pictures.

He raised his ears, "Je je, Negrita, I haff oll I can —— eat, oll de —— monnee I want, and I can —— fite and keel ennee one who comes to —— fite me. I haff not lost a —— fite een ten jeers. And I haff oll de —— females I want, too! Dose —— females joo saw?" he asked, lighting yet another cigarette. "Dey were my, je je, —— berttday present."

Hold it right there, "What? But your birthday isn't until December!"

The rebel did another double take at her, "How de —— deed—oh jess, I —— forrgot, I 'tolld' joo. Bott my —— worrkers don't kno dat, je je je."

Rolling slightly to look at the entrance, the female crossed her arms, "Still, they didn't seem to be _that_ happy to be your present."

"Dat dossen't —— matter. Dey weel be dedd een a few —— days."

She paled yet again and nearly shrieked, "Dead? Why? Don't tell me you kill them, too?"

"And eet dem, and leeb —— notteeng behind. Deir —— clowts arr borrned and trownn to de —— toeelet. Ennee —— gold dey haff, I —— melt eet and make a nice —— chaeen," purred the male, blowing smoke and rolling his paw digits through his gold chains to emphasise his point.

Good lord, now he was the perfect criminal: he burned and _ate_ all the evidence! "Wait, if you say you're out to 'free' others from sports, why do you kidnap and eat females? Isn't that worse than 'drafting'?"

"Je je. —— females are property of —— males, Negrita. Joo shood kno dat. I can do ennee —— teeng I want weet dem."

She sincerely hoped that he wasn't referring to they slave trade of the old days. His warping abilities had warped his reasoning, Mary realised. And as much as she wanted to beat some sense into him, she wasn't sure whether to do so or to try to escape now, knowing now perfectly well what he was capable of doing. "Really?" she asked, getting more nervous, but still trying to bring some _true_ logic into his reasoning. "And—and—out of all the females you had, how many of them came to you out of their own free will?"

"¿Qué?" he spat.

"You heard me. How many of them actually came to you because they wanted to? Because they trusted you? Because they wanted to be with you? Because they _loved_ you?"

Slowly, The J.A.M. stood, put down his cigarette, lowered his ears, swished his tail, and glared back, making her roll away slightly in fright. "Negrita, dere ees no soch teeng as —— lobb." He pointed at his missing eye, "I —— lerrnedd dat when I was forr. My —— beeg brodder tott eet was —— fonny to pool my —— eye out. Joo —— teenk he onlee wanted to geeb me a —— scar?" He sat down again, and she calmed down a trifle. "I gabe heem what he —— deserrbed. And de fonnee teeng ees, he —— found me last week. He sedd he was —— sorree forr what he —— deed. He sedd he had some —— rreleejon dat tott —— lobb and peace." Standing again, he padded to his bedroom door. "See de —— scratches neer de ceeleeng? Dat was —— heem, and dees ees —— me," he pointed to another set of claw marks below the first. "He askedd me to —— forrgeeve heem, and to —— go homm weet heem." He turned to her again, "Bott I —— gave heem what he —— deserrbbed. And," he held out a chain that held a human's face, "dees ees what I —— deed weet hees —— Cross and Starr! Eesen't Darween moch —— betterr¡A ja ja ja ja!"

If she paled anymore, all her ink and paint would be permanently gone, she thought. "You—you killed him?" she asked, her voice choking with terror. She couldn't believe that he would kill his brother and not blink an eye, much less feel so smug and proud because of that.

"And —— ate him," he reminded. Then, he stopped smiling, took another drag, and appeared to be somewhat confused. "Hees dett was —— straynch. When I —— keel sommone, dey get bery —— skerred beforr dey die. Bott my brodder wasn't —— skerred. He sedd someteeng straynch beforr he —— died, and he died smileeng. —— straynch, eesn't eet?"

The humanmaid _knew_ why the onça's brother wasn't afraid to die, and she had an idea of what his "strange" dying words were, but she shook her head again, trying to find the original timeline's counterpart of this whole situation. "Would—would you have killed him if—if you still had your eye?"

It was the best she could come up with, but enough to make him raise his ears, smoke, ponder for a second, spit, and answer, "I donno."

"Negrita" wasn't sure how much terror and other unpleasant surprises she could take anymore, but she had to continue. "J.A.M., where I come from, yes, you don't say bad words, you don't smoke or drink or spit, you don't fight unless attacked first, you don't have an—uh—an edible harem, and you don't hate sports _that_ much, but you also _still_ have your own place, which is _much_ nicer than this! You speak perfect English, too! And just where did you learn it now?"

"Je je: telebeeshon."

Figures. "J.A.M., you want to make others laugh, and there's more! All your sisters are still alive, as well as your big brother! You forgave him! You _learned_ how to deal with all that! But most importantly—" she was about to hold his paw, but held back, knowing the evil panther could pull a trick move on her, "—you know _love_, _true_ love! You only have one girlfriend because that is enough for you! And you are loved back as well! Your girlfriend stays with you because she _wants_ to, because she _trusts_ you, because she _loves_ you more than her own life! And we _both_ keep it clean because we want our future to be perfect! Don't you ever think about the future?"

He spat and huffed, "Fuchure? Well, Negrita, one day I weel —— stop fiteeng because I weel be —— old. By den, I weel haff eenoff —— monnee to leeb somewhere else, weet oll de —— females I want. Onteel den, I weel —— fite." He sat back and enjoyed his cigarette.

The African-American sighed, "So, this is the life you want? You don't even want to know what it's like to be loved because others _want_ to love you?"

The felid's ears lowered, and a rumbling ran through his throat and chest, "Dat —— lobb can't exeest, Negrita."

She had to push her panic down again. "It does, J.A.M. Please, let me give you that chance. Please help me put everything the way it was! For once in your life, let someone help you! Let someone _love_ you!"

(KABLAM!)

The entire room shook. "¿Qué ———?"

**_(KABOOM!) _**

Mary didn't know what was happening, and from The J.A.M.'s outburst, it was obvious that he didn't know either. A sudden banging at the door upped her heartbeat another notch.

"¡Jefe¡Nos están bombardeando!"

"Jefe" dropped his cigarette, ran to the door, and replied, "¿Quién!"

"¡Un —— lobo¡Tiene una bazuka láser o algo, y ya se —— a los demás!"

The onça swished his tail, growled with anger, and roared, "¡Defiéndanse lo más que puedan¡Ya salgo!"

The humanmaid rolled reside him, fearing that a terrorist group had figured out his scheme. "What's going on? Al-Qaida?"

"We'rre beeng attacked by a —— wolf weet a —— laserr bazooka! My —— worrkers weel hold heem onteel I get de —— out of heerr!"

Good plan, they will— "What! You're leaving them to fight him all by themselves?"

He looked at her business-like, "Yes, bott I can alwaees —— get morr —— worrkers, Negrita." "Negrita" didn't seem _that_ surprised at the fact that he considered his gang "disposable", like his harem. The carnivore then bolted the main door, dashed to his closet, and turned on the light. The omnivore was finally able to see the contents, and when she did, she gasped yet again.

The closet was filled with weapons of every kind, and the jaguar was grabbing as many pistols and bullets as he could stuff in the holsters and bandoliers under his shirt. More explosions rocked the compound, making rifles and machine guns fall from their shelves.

"Grab a —— gonn!" he hissed. "And oll de —— boolets joo can!" The humanmaid wondered why he was helping her this way, but that thought was interrupted when she saw him open a few boxes that held wads of bills: American dollars. "Get oll de —— monee joo can, too!" Not wanting to find out what would happen if she wasn't armed, she grabbed the nearest pistol and bullet clips, and stuffed as much money in her pockets as she could. Being well versed in the body-pocket feature, she decided to just stuff in the boxes themselves, taking a sizable number with her.

The male looked with surprise as his money kept falling into her pockets, and yet they didn't seem to bulge, as his were. "How de —— do joo do dat!"

"Education works wonders," she replied.

Deciding to figure that out later, he pulled the female into the closet, closed the door, and turned off the light. Mary thought they were going to fight the wolf from here, but then he padded all the way to the back wall and pulled up a hidden trap door on the floor. Another stench blast hit her nose and she was about to back off again, but The J.A.M. grabbed her hand and hissed, "Comm!" There was no time to protest as another explosion rocked more guns, rifles, and moneyboxes off the shelves. So, she climbed down as far as she could hold herself up from the floor, took a deep breath, and dropped into the darkness. The onça, too, stuffed himself into the tiny hole, but held himself up from a hidden hook under the concrete. That way, he was able to close the trap door, and then he too, jumped down.

Being nighttime, his sunglasses were tucked away, allowing his sky-blue eyes to roam the premises more freely. It took him a while, but he finally reached Mexico City, and he had found the slum where the Anathema was hiding. Standing right outside the main door, he sought out for life forms inside, and detected one eagle.

Armed.

Very well, then, he'd have to use some defences himself. He lowered his ears, raised his hackles, and chanted with a whisper,

"Powers of Heaven, go forward and back,

Protect me from the enemy's attack!"

He held off the last line, however, and charged inside. An energy blast took down the main entrance, though despite the rumours, he was _not_ using a laser bazooka at all, but his own powers instead. The smoke had not yet begun to clear when he sensed the eagle about to draw his gun.

"CELESTIAL SHIELD!"

Not that the eagle had time to fire, because he was blasted into unconsciousness before he could even aim. D-Boy didn't destroy him because he wasn't the Anathema he was looking for. Briskly trotting down the corridors, other evil toons got in his way and were also blasted out of commission. As he turned a corner, he heard female screams coming from behind a metal door. Scanning the life forms, he didn't detect any evil vibes coming from inside, so instead of blasting the door open, he shot a low-power beam from his right index digit to cut the locks from the door. A minute later, the door opened, and four raggedly clad females, all with low ears, coughed and gasped their way out of their smoked cell. Seeing him, they all grabbed him and coughed frantically:

"¡Nos secuestraron!" shrieked the opossummaid.

"¡Tiene una joven humana en su oficina!" squeaked the ratmaid.

"¡Nos iba a —— y comer!" yowled the pumamaid.

"¡Él está allá!" chattered the raccoonmaid, pointing in the direction of the "office". "¡Apúrate¡Creo que se la va a echar primero!"

The Spanish lessons he had before were now brought into use; hence, the wolf blushed when the pumamaid cursed. Still, he spoke with a heavy English accent, "Llahmen ah lah policiyah." He made several dialing motions with his paws to make sure they understood.

"¿La policía?" asked the pumamaid, raising her ears.

The ratmaid, also raising her ears, seemed to understand, "¡Sí¡Vamos a llamarlos¡Corran!" With that, the females ran to the exit, which was what he wanted them to do in the first place. He thus continued in the direction the raccoonmaid indicated, and was briefly delayed by an ocelot that got in his way. The feline did manage to fire several shots—

"CELESTIAL SHIELD!"

—but the bullets bounced off the canine's full-body shield. This move actually _saved_ the felid's life, because the canid was ready to kill him on the spot. The time it took him to raise his shield again allowed him to fully identify his assailant and see that he _wasn't_ the Anathema. So, D-Boy waited until his opponent ran out of bullets, and an energy blast knocked out the "worker" before he could reload. The "office" door was clear. Once it was blown down with yet another energy blast, the arctic wolf entered. He, too, was hit with the stench of alcohol, tobacco, and sewers, and being a canine he was hit with a much greater force. "Geez, doesn't anyone flush the toilet around here?" he growled to himself. Realising that there was no one there, he closed his eyes and searched for any evil life forms here—

And found none.

Oh, great, he had escaped.

Not that this mission had been a total loss, though. He had put out of commission several evil toons and freed several female prisoners, but the kingpin had escaped—

No.

He _couldn't_ let the Anathema escape.

He closed his eyes again, and felt around more carefully.

He opened his eyes, and saw the closet door.

And walked toward it.

Mary was relieved to have landed on something dry, followed moments later by the toon that was supposed to be her boyfriend. The J.A.M. grabbed her hand again and started running. Here, she had no choice but to trust him again and skate behind him, since there was no light around at all, and he was obviously using his feline night vision to find his way. About a minute later, she saw a very dim light up ahead, letting her know that they were running/skating in an empty sewer tunnel. Then, they stopped.

The jaguar grabbed her hands and placed them on something made of metal. "OPP!" he hissed, as he now fumbled with something. For a moment, the humanmaid wasn't sure what he meant by "up", until she felt the metal more carefully and realised she was holding a metal ladder that led to a manhole. Quickly, she spin-changed back into her shoes. This raised an eyebrow on the felid again, but there was no time for questions now. She climbed up, and pushed the round manhole cover aside.

**_(KABOOOOOOOOMMMM!) _**

The female nearly fell as the shockwave shot through the tunnel, and a distant flash of orange light suddenly made her think of Hell.

"——, he found de closet!" roared the male below. No more needed to be said. She squirmed up, and helped the villain squirm up as well, and he was—

—wearing sunglasses and holding a white cane? His shirt was covering all his chains?

"Deesguise," he explained, hooking his left arm with her right and tapping the cane in front of him. He closed the cover with his foot-paw, and led her away. Calming down, the African-American took in her new surroundings. They had emerged in a storm drain which was next to a high wall, apparently between them and a big avenue, due to the sound of heavy traffic. They walked/padded away as calmly as they could, and the panther led her around a dark maze of city blocks that led to a market.

"Welcomm to Tepito," he whispered, spitting again. She wasn't sure where that was supposed to be, but from the looks some males were giving her, this place was apparently something like the Bronx, or Queens, or Harlem, or all three, combined with the less popular neighbourhoods of Los Angeles, Chicago, and Miami. Since it was so late, most of the vendors were gone, save for a few that did shady dealings. And then, the female realised something.

"Where did you get the cane?" she whispered.

"Onderr de —— doorr. Parrt of my —— escape plan. Worrkedd beree —— well, no?"

"I'll let you know once we lose that nut." A few moments later, they noticed a thin crowd moving off to one side of the market, pointing at the distance and talking worriedly among themselves. The "couple", too, stopped to see what was going on.

In the distance, a junkyard was in flames; the smoke and flames rising into the night sky.

"My homm," whispered the jaguar sadly.

The humanmaid looked at him strangely, wondering how anyone could live in a junkyard. At least Fifi had class, and a much nicer décor, but _his_ idea of a home was completely sick. "I can get you a better one," she said, and pulled out the postcards Wile E. had given her. As she shuffled them, looking for one in particular with what little light she had, she got curious again, "J.A.M., why did you help me escape, and trust me with a gun and all that money?"

The carnivore said nothing as he saw his home burning down. It wasn't until he heard sirens when he spat and replied, "I donno."

The omnivore frowned when she didn't find one postcard in particular, so she asked him, "Do you think you can find us a place to hide unt—"

For no reason, the crowd began screaming and running away from the junkyard. The couple glanced up, and saw what appeared to be a flying blue motorcycle, flown by a white wolf, headed straight toward them.

He had found them again, but he couldn't shoot with so many others around. And despite there being so much evil everywhere, the one source of nearly infinite evil stood out perfectly.

Both ran with the crowd, but they knew he could catch up with them with that vehicle of his, despite their zigzagging around the dark and complex streets that Tepito offered them. In fact, they were half-way down an alley when the whine of a turbine resonated from the walls.

He had caught up with them.

The jaguar yanked the humanmaid around and held her close, using her as a shield. With his fur like blood and his tail swishing like a fan, he pulled out a gun and fired at the vehicle several times. Despite hitting his target, the flying motorcycle was still closing in.

Mary screamed.

The airbike's automatic shields kicked in. D-Boy would have fired back at the Anathema, but that humanmaid was in the way. _He better not scratch **Thunder Blizzard**: I just had it painted!_ he thought to himself.

The "couple" reached the end of the alley, which led to yet another alley which ran perpendicularly to it. The J.A.M. was about to run to the right, but Mary yanked him to the left.

"¿Qué!" he growled at her.

"Found it!" She, on her part, was now holding the postcard that had the name of a city that sounded like " Guadalajara".

The turbines got louder.

The male was about to continue running, but the female held his paw firmly. He glared at her, and she glared back with uncanny bluntness. "Come with me if you want to live." She stole that line from Arnold Schwarzenegger, and both knew that, but the seriousness with which she said that made him realise that she meant it. Seeing that he was willing to trust her on this, she jumped, still holding his paw, and pulled down the scenery.

D-Boy turned left—

—to an empty alley.

"WHAT?" He set the airbike on hover mode, stood, and searched the area.

The Anathema was gone.

"NO!" he barked. He didn't sense any evil magic that could have teleported him away, or any demonic activity that would have snatched him from this dimension, nor did his airbike's sensors detect a mechanical transporter at work. But he simply _couldn't_ have vanished! Sitting down again, he checked the airbike's guidance system. Yes, it originally indicated that the Anathema was here in Mexico City—and he had actually _seen_ the guy—but now it suddenly declared that the Anathema was nearly 200 kilometres northwest! And all around were urbanised areas, so he _still_ could not use Mach speed to follow him!

But no matter. His target might have got away, but there was no escaping Final Judgment. He flew high above the city, and set a new course on his computer.

He had a mission to complete.

He had evil to destroy.

The airbike zoomed off, northwest.

* * *

Spanish/Basque - English

Ya viene amaneciendo — The dawn is happening

Y la luz del día nos dio — And the light the day gave us

Levántate de mañana — Get up in the morning

Mira que ya amaneció — Look that it's morning already

Tan-tan — (onomatopoeia of the end of the birthday song)

Salud — Lit.: "health". When toasting, it means, "cheers"

Gracias, —— compadres. No sé qué —— haría sin ustedes. Esta —— fiestecita y —— regalitos me hacen sentir muy agradecido-y muy agradecido-y muy agradecido- — Thanks, —— compadres, I don't know what the —— I'd do without you-all. This —— little-party and —— little-presents make me feel very thankful-and very thankful-

Compadre — "Friend", lit.: "co-father", originally the witness in a baby's baptism, usually the father's best friend, sometimes used sarcastically.

Oye, y ahora-- — Listen, and now--

Tú cállate, Chino. Y muy agradecido-- — You shut up, Chinese-one. And very thankful--

Por nada — You're welcome/don't mention it (lit.: for nothing)

Bueno, ya. Es hora de disfrutar este —— regalito de cumpleaños. — Well, enough. It's time to enjoy this —— little birthday present.

Je, ja — Heh, ha (laughter in Spanish)

Las —— joyas harán otra bonita cadena. Pero las —— joyas que me gustan más-- — The —— jewels will make another pretty chain. But the —— jewels I like most--

son las —— hembras--¡en el desayuno! — are —— females--for breakfast!

¡Y QUÉ —— JOYAS TENEMOS HOY! — AND WHAT —— JEWELS WE HAVE TODAY!

Una SABROSA puma--una DELICIOSA rata-gracias por el detalle, J.J. — A TASTY puma--a DELICIOUS rat-thanks for the detail, J.J.

una SUCULENTA mapache--y para el —— postre¡¡una RIQUÍSIMA zarigüeya! — a SUCCULENT raccoon--and for —— dessert, a YUMMY opossum!

Oigan¡¡gracias por la —— sorpresa! — Hey, thanks for the —— surprise!

¿Eh¿Qué sorpresa? — Huh? What surprise?

no se hagan los ——. Yo hablo de esta —— sorpresa-- — Don't pretend (lit.: don't make yourselves ——) I'm talking about this —— surprise--

¡ESTA SORPRESA! — THIS SURPRISE!

Negrita — Black-maid

Hey¡y una —— gringuita también¿Sabes? Hace mucho que no ceno —— humanas — Hey, and a —— little gringa too! You know, it's been a long-while that I don't dine-on —— human-females

Gringo, gringa, gringuita — Term for those who speak a foreign language, especially English and German, or the language itself (gringuita: little gringa).

EL HERALDO DE MÉXICO — THE HERALD OF MEXICO

PRIVADO — PRIVATE

Largo — Leave/out/get out/get lost/beat it (lit.: long)

¡LÁRGUENSE¡Y llévenselas también! — (you-all) GET OUT! And take them too!

¿Pasa algo, jefe? — Something happening, boss?

LÁRGUENSE DE AQUÍ AHORA. GUÁRDENLAS DONDE YA —— SABEN, PERO DÉJENOS SOLOS. ¡Y TIENES DIEZ —— SEGUNDOS PARA SACAR TU —— —— DE AQUÍ ANTES DE QUE TE MATE! — (you-all) GET OUT OF HERE NOW. PUT THEM AWAY WHERE YOU ALREADY —— KNOW, BUT LEAVE US ALONE. AND YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO REMOVE YOUR —— —— FROM HERE BEFORE I KILL YOU!

Oye, si te vas a —— a la gringa¿me dejas probar a la mapache? — Hey, if you're going to —— the gringa, would you let me try the raccoon?

Ven acá. — Come here.

Ay, no, 'perate, me voy, me voy-- — Hey, no, 'ang on, I'm going, I'm going--

¡VEN ACÁ Y CIERRA EL —— PICO O TE VA PEOR! — COME HERE AND SHUT YOUR —— BEAK OR IT WILL GO WORSE FOR YOU

Y la próxima vez¡te saco en —— pedazos¡LÁRGATE! — And next time, I (will) put you out in —— pieces! GET OUT!

¡SI¡¡PELÉENSE, PELÉENSE! — YES! FIGHT(yourselves), FIGHT(yourselves)!

ETA (Euskadi Ta Askatasuna) — "Homeland and Freedom", a Basque terrorist organisation

FARC (Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias de Colombia) — Armed Revolutionary Forces of Columbia, another terrorist organisation

Zapatistas (EZLN: Ejército Zapatista de Liberación Nacional) — Zapatist Army of National Liberation, a rebel organization in Mexico. They have NOTHING to do with Emiliano Zapata

¡Jefe¡¡Nos están bombardeando! — Boss! They're bombing us!

¿Quién! — Who!

¡Un —— lobo¡¡Tiene una bazuka láser o algo, y ya se —— a los demás! — A —— wolf! He has a laser bazooka or something, and he already —— the others!

¡Defiéndanse lo más que puedan¡¡Ya salgo! — Defend yourselves as much as you can! I'll be right out! (I'm exiting now)

¡Nos secuestraron! — They kidnapped us!

¡Tiene una joven humana en su oficina! — He has a young human (female) in his office!

¡Nos iba a —— y comer! — He was going to —— us and eat us!

¡Él está allá¡Apúrate¡Creo que se la va a echar primero! — He's over there! Hurry! I think he's going to do her first! (lit.: throw her to himself)

Llahmen ah lah policiyah — llamen a la policía — Call the police

¡Sí¡Vamos a llamarlos¡¡Corran! — Yes! Let's go call them! Run!


	9. Chikuaze: Relámpagos

CHIKUAZE - RELÁMPAGOS…

The J.A.M. still wasn't sure if he just saw, and experienced, what had just happened. But he couldn't deny that he had just seen his "girlfriend" jump, pull down a piece of stage scenery out of nowhere, and suddenly both of them were standing on the street of a city filled with hills. Mary, on her part, bent down and tapped the edge of the scenery, which would make it roll up again and disappear from that alley in Tepito.

"Wherr de —— arr we?" he hissed, looking at was apparently a park.

"Guano—Guann—how do you pronounce this word?" she asked him, showing him the postcard.

"¿Guanajuato?" blurted the Mexican, perking up his ears. "We'rre een —— Guanajuato?"

"Obviously," replied the African-American, with a strange matter-of-factness. "That's how I got into your closet."

He padded away a trifle, "Bott—bott—how de —— deed joo do dat? And de —— speen een de —— soo-err?"

She looked into his eye through his sunglasses and sighed, "Like I said, we _both_ learned that in comedy school. Now that we lost that crazy wolf, we can try to find someone who is _supposed_ to be another friend of yours. Though from what I know now, I doubt that he is."

"Who de —— ees he?"

"Well, you _might_ have heard of him: Lightning Rodriguez, the second fastest mouse in all of Mexico?"

Some familiarity crept on the onça's expression now. "Oh, jess, heem. Heem and —— Speedy Gonzalez arr well known down heerr. Perr of —— cowarrds. Dey say dey'rre bery —— fast, bott dey donn't want to —— prove eet een a —— fite. Dey hate street fiters. Josst as well, —— mouses arr onnly good forr —— appetisers."

The humanmaid _really_ wanted to slap him, but held back despite his rude comments. "He's—he's well known?" she asked, pushing down her anger. "Perhaps the locals can help us find him, or at least find this address," she glanced at the postcard.

The Street Fighter took it from her, spat, and read the address. "¿Parque Industrial? Dees—— ratón rrote from a —— factory?"

"I guess he did. He returned here to study business administration. Maybe he's in a factory to get some experience."

"And I —— teenk we'rre —— rright een front of eet." The Questor turned in the direction he was looking at, which was across the street from the park, and saw a large white factory that had the same name that was written in the postcard: Zapatos México. Being nighttime, there were few vehicles in the parking lot, and a few lights were lit in the office wing.

"He must have written the postcard out here instead of inside, otherwise we would have ended up inside when I did that scene change. Come on!" She took his paw again, much to his surprise, and both ran across the street, being careful to avoid traffic. He was about to do a body slam on her because he didn't like being pulled around _especially_ by females, but held back, for some reason.

"Do joo —— teenk he's steel eenside? Eet's —— late."

"It's worth a try. If not, we can ask around for him!"

"Bott how de —— can dees —— ratón help?"

Geez, must _everything_ be cursed by him? "Like I said, he's supposed to be your friend. A _very_ close friend. In fact, you two like to sing together!"

"Seeng?" he blurted. With his voice so hoarse, singing was definitely out of the question for him.

"Yes! Now we need to find out exactly how well he's doing and ask him if he wants to return to the original timeline as well!"

This was a new concept to the jaguar. "Why de —— do we —— need to ask heem dat? Why not josst —— do eet, eef joo'rre so —— desperett?"

She stopped and looked at his eye, "Because he's _my_ friend, too. Friends _ask_ each other. You really should try that sometime, J.A.M." He said nothing to that, and just spat and remained silent until they reached the guard's booth. The feline was about to walk right in, but the humanmaid yanked him to a halt, eliciting a momentary growl from his throat, and a swish of his tail. She ignored that, with effort, and turned to the guard.

He was a brown dog in a blue security uniform, and Mary was about to ask him something when she realised that she didn't speak a word of Spanish. "Um—" she turned to her "boyfriend" and asked, "Ask him if Lightning's still here." The evil felid, however, just smirked at her. He'd never taken orders from females, and he wasn't about to start now. "Please!" she shook his arm. "We need him to help you get your _real_ life back!"

The smirk disappeared from his face, and it was replaced by a scowl. Finally, he turned to the guard and asked, "¿Todavía se encuentra aquí Lightning Rodríguez?"

The dog looked at the strange toons for a moment and asked back, "¿De parte de quién?"

The Street Fighter chuckled a bit, raised his ears, and turned to the Questor, "He wants to kno who de —— ees askeeng."

Her thoughts scrambled momentarily at this request. Perhaps Lightning might not know The J.A.M. in this timeline, but he would most certainly remember _her_! "Tell him—tell him _I'm_ asking for him! A friend from school!"

The jaguar thought about that for a moment, wondering just who this crazy human girl was. He spat, turned, and replied, "Lo busca—ehh—" He quickly asked her, "What was joor —— name agenn?"

His Name Recovery Skill seemed to be intact, she realised. "Mary Melody."

"Mery Melody," he repeated to the guard. "Una amiga de la escuela."

"¿Y usted?"

"Amigo de ella," he nodded at her.

The canine was suspicious for a moment, but he took his walkie-talkie and asked, "¿No se ha ido todavía Lightning Rodríguez?"

The three waited, and Mary's face lit up when she heard a familiar voice crackle back, "Ya estaba por irme. ¿Qué pasa?"

"Señor Rodríguez, lo busca una 'amiga de la escuela', Mery Melody, y un acompañante."

"¿YA LLEGÓ MERY¡Déjalos pasar!"

The guard raised an eyebrow at that, but he just put down his walkie-talkie and handed them two visitor ID's. "Pueden pasar," he said.

"Let's go," said The J.A.M. emotionlessly. Relieved that something was finally going right, Mary led him into the factory grounds and the office lobby, where Lightning Rodriguez, wearing a full business suit, sans his cap but still with his sneakers, was waiting.

"MERY!" he squeaked, dashing up to hug her neck, and chattering with happiness. "How arr joo!"

For a moment, she felt like crying again, with the relief that a _truly_ close friend had recognised her in all this madness. She hugged him as best as she could due to the size difference. "Boy, Lightning, am I ever glad to see you!"

"Mery, I tott joo werr een New Yorrk! What breengs joo heerr?"

Now came the moment of truth. She turned slightly and nodded toward the creepy panther with the white cane, "Um, he does."

"¿Qué?"

"It's a complex story, but we need to talk. Now."

The brown mouse was instinctively wary of the feline, naturally, as he instinctively stood straight. "Who's he?"

The humanmaid sighed. "I know this is hard to believe, but he's supposed to be your best friend."

The tiny toon scrutinised this character, who chose this moment to remove his sunglasses and stare evilly down at him. For the first time in a long while, Lightning Rodriguez felt very afraid.

_Best friend?_

"Is there anywhere we can talk without interruptions? I need to explain all of this to you."

He dashed off her, keeping a wary eye on the feline, and replied. "Shoorr. Follo me." Despite him _not_ running, his walking was quite brisk, and the two larger toons had to make an effort to keep up with the rodent. The Questor was right: it was already long past quitting time and most of the staff had left.

"Why are you here so late?"

"Calameety colld. He sedd dat Professor Coyote colld heem and told heem dat joo wood be veeseeteeng us, bott he deedn't say when. He sedd dat joo had someteeng bery eemporrtant to tell oss, and dat we wood haff to be een de places wherr we rrote somm posscards we sent heem. What do joo want to tell oss?"

"Get us an office, and I'll explain."

The mus nodded and led them to an empty office. The three entered, and he shut the door. Dashing on top of the desk, he asked, "What ees goeeng on, Mery? Why arr joo heerr weet heem and not een New Yorrk?"

Mary sat down, but The J.A.M. spat and began pacing back and forth, as if he were caged. Doing her best to ignore that, despite the nervousness it brought on her, she began, "Lightning, I'm really glad to see you again. I—I know you think I'm supposed to be in New York—and—and—I _am_ still in New York—um—"

"Espera a que oigas esta ——," quipped The J.A.M., stopping for a moment to see the midget raise an eyebrow at the Gringuita, and he smirked when the midget winced at his curse. He then continued pacing, in expression of his annoyance at unfamiliar enclosed spaces.

Okay now, where to begin? "Lightning, after I left Acme Acres, why did you transfer here?"

Lightning sighed. "Well, eet was rreally josst a matter of time onteel we saw what we needed to do. Eef joo rremember de talk we had beforr _joo_ transferred, joo decided that comedy seemply wasn't worrkeeng forr joo. Joo opened _oll_ of de 'beet playerr's' eyes when joo deed dat. When joo rrote to oss and told oss joo werr rreally mobeeng fast een dat noos school and had been askdd to do a noos sho, we decided dat comedy wasn't our teeng, eeder. I returned to my homm town to try beesness, and eet's been great!"

"It has?"

"Shoor! My beesness school saw dat I had a lot of potenchal, and I'm doeeng my teeses by geteeng dees factory off de ground!" he chattered with delight.

The Questor sat back, "What? You mean you _built_ this factory?"

The Businessmouse shook his head. "Oh, no. Eet was ollreeddy heerr when I got heerr. I'm de _vice-president_ of Zapatos México! We'rre RREALLY geebeeng de guys over at León somm BEEG competeeshon now, ja ja ja!" His laughter faded away when he noticed that she didn't seem exactly happy at his present economic level. In fact, she was covering her face with one hand and shaking her head. "Mery? What's rrong?"

She looked up, tears in her eyes, and asked with great hesitation, "Um, Lightning, uh—are you happy here? I mean, _really_ happy?"

The rodent looked at her with slight confusion. "Well, I haff lots of monee, and I'm helpeeng odders, so I guess I am. Bott what's rrong?"

The omnivore took a deep breath, and fired away. "Lightning, I know this is going to sound crazy, but if you were to watch American television right now, you would most likely see me doing a _live_ news broadcast, despite the fact that I'm right here talking to you."

"¿Qué? Joo'rre tweens?"

"No—no—if I was twins all this would be a lot easier to handle—Lightning—I'm from another timeline." The carnivore spat and chuckled at that, but she still continued, "Calamity built a transporter that was turned into a time machine in the future, and someone travelled back in time and changed the original timeline. The three of us, and Beeper and Calamity, are supposed to be back in the Looniversity!"

"¿QUÉ?" he ground his incisors in confusion. "Bott den—who's he?" he nodded at the other male.

The female glanced at him too, "He's _supposed_ to be my boyfriend, and _your_ best friend. The person that went back in time was out to destroy him, somehow. She didn't kill him, obviously, but she _did_ destroy his life, and somehow managed to make him lose an eye." As she said this, she remembered the pictures again, so she took them out so the mouse could see them.

The murid examined them, and was more than surprised to see himself standing on the felid's head on more than one occasion. " Dees ees _me_—I steel haff my cap—and I steel haff my geetarr?" he asked, eyes widening.

"She's —— crazy," commented the onça, spitting and stopping again. "Bott oll of dees _cood_ be —— troo. She told me teengs dat only _I_ —— kno."

The African-American ignored that, and leaned down to look at the mus in the eye. "Lightning, the reason I came here and asked you if you're happy the way you are now—is because I want to restore the original timeline, and give The J.A.M.—that's him—the life he's supposed to have. I have no problems in giving up my career in New York for him—but—but I first want to ask you if _you_ want to go back to the way things were—back to the Looniversity. If I change everything back, none of us will remember this timeline—or your success."

Now it all came down on Lightning. He slowly turned away, trying to encompass the scope of her request. "Joo want me—to geeb opp on oll dees—for _heem_?" he scowled at The J.A.M.

"That's _not_ who he's supposed to be. The pictures show who he's _really_ supposed to be! He came to the Looniversity and made us realize we had more talent than we realized! We all stayed! And—he became my boyfriend—the one I love," Mary whispered, looking at the hellish jaguar. The mouse said nothing, and just looked at the "boyfriend", trying to find some redeeming factor in his appearance. "If you say no, I'll understand, but at least help me try to give him _some_ of his original life back. I know you don't remember this, but he helped us in many ways!"

He ground his incisors some more, overwhelmed at her request, "Joo—joo'rre askeeng a lot, Mery. I help a lot of toons heerr. Eef joo change everyteeng back, oll of dees weel be gonn. And what's left for oss at the Looneeberseety?"

"What's left—" she stuttered, "—is what _he_ helped us build. He gave us the push we needed. We didn't—we didn't give up on comedy."

At that, Lightning stiffened. "We deedn't geev opp?"

"No. We stayed there and kept on fighting. And we still are. But we stuck with comedy, and we strive to get funnier every day, I think."

"We deedn't geev opp," he repeated, staring blankly. He looked at Mary, then at The J.A.M., and then he looked away. The African-American was about to make another plea when the murid suddenly squeaked, "Well, what arr we waeeteeng forr?" A spin-change, and he was now wearing his white and blue cap, and his dark blue shirt. "Let's go!"

"Waeet." Both turned to the felid, as he spat and stopped again. "She's —— crazy enoff to do dees, but joo don't —— kno me, Ratón. Why de —— do joo want to —— geeb opp oll joor —— monee forr me?"

The "ratón" walked to the edge of the desk, and looked up at him. "Becoss I trost Mery, and I beleeb herr. And becoss comedy ees what we _alwaees_ wanted to do. I don't haff time forr my geetarr now weet oll dees beesness, bott now I'm shoorr I weel have eet."

The jaguar just looked at the young mouse and replied, "Joo'rre josst as —— crazy as she ees."

"Je je, not crazy, Señor J.A.M.: loony. Okay, Mery, what do we do now?"

Relieved once again, the humanmaid stood, "Now we have to go see how Little Beeper is doing! We have to ask him if _he_ wants everything changed back as well!"

"Let me guess: he's anodderr —— frennd of mine?" asked the onça.

She turned at him suddenly realising something. "Well—almost. He has this thing against toons from Mexico City, but you two basically get along. Maybe he's not a _close_ friend of yours, but he _is_ one of mine, _and_ Lightning's."

"Den let's go see dees—'Leetle Beeper'," he growled, putting his sunglasses on again, spitting, and throwing away his visitor ID. Mary nodded, happy that for once, things were going her way. Beeper might require more work to convince, if he needed convincing, but with Lightning helping her, they _should_ be able to make him see what had gone wrong with the timeline. She stood and searched for the next postcard.

"What arr joo lookeeng forr?" asked Lightning, as they too, removed their ID's.

"Beeper's postcard from—from—um—the state he lives in."

" Sonora?"

"Yes, that one. With it, I can pull down the scenery of where his cooking school is. That's how we travelled from Mexico City to this place."

"_Dat's_ how joo —— do eet?" asked The J.A.M., incredulous. "Weet posscards?"

Lightning ignored the question and squeaked, "De posscards! Dose arr de ones Professor Coyote was tokkeeng about! Bott joo don't need dem, Mery. Calameety also colledd Beeper, and he shood be waeeteeng forr oss een hees school, or een hees house. I kno where both arr becoss I beeseeted heem last montt!"

"What de —— do joo mean dat joo _don't_ need de —— posscard? What de —— ees all dees about?" asked the carnivore, tail curled with confusion.

Both looked at him, and the female replied, "We learned this in school, J.A.M. It's part of what this person took away from you in the original timeline." Again, the panther was silent. Lightning walked to the edge of the desk and took hold of Mary's hand, who then held The J.A.M.'s paw. Rodent and omnivore jumped, and pulled down the scenery.

Travelling at just under supersonic speeds was simply too slow for D-Boy, despite him taking less than fifteen minutes to fly from Mexico City to Guanajuato. Furthermore, he was incensed. He had just come up with a plan to assault the factory the Anathema was in, while making sure that no one else got hurt as he dealt with him, when the evil vibes he sensed there suddenly vanished once more. Setting his airbike on hover mode again, he rubbed his face in frustration. Checking his computer, his jaw nearly came unhinged when he saw that the Anathema was now northwest again, but at a distance of nearly _1,400 kilometres_! What power or machine could the Anathema have that allowed him to teleport such distances without _any_ magical, demonic, or mechanical means whatsoever? Resetting his flight plan once more, he had some relief when he saw that there were non-developed corridors along the way that would allow him to fly at Mach speed. But even so, he would take at least an hour to reach the Anathema.

And now, instead of dreading the confrontation, he was actually looking forward to it.

The jaguar was dead meat.

Another high-pitched whine announced the departure of the airbike as it sped northwest, toward Hermosillo, Sonora.

* * *

Spanish - English

Relámpagos — Lightning (pl)

Parque Industrial — Industrial park

Ratón — Mouse

Zapatos — Shoes

¿Todavía se encuentra aquí Lightning Rodríguez? — Is Lightning Rodríguez still here?

¿De parte de quién? — On behalf of whom?

Lo busca- — (no subject noun) is searching for him-

Una amiga de la escuela. — A friend(female) from school.

¿Y usted? — And you? (formal)

Amigo de ella — Friend of hers

¿No se ha ido todavía Lightning Rodríguez? — Has Lightning Rodríguez not left yet?

Ya estaba por irme. ¿Qué pasa? — I was about to leave. What's up?

Señor Rodríguez, lo busca una 'amiga de la escuela', Mery Melody, y un acompañante. — Mister Rodríguez, a 'friend from school' is looking for you, Mary Melody, and a companion.

¿YA LLEGÓ MERY¡Déjalos pasar! — MARY ARRIVED ALREADY! Let them pass!

Pueden pasar — You(pl) may pass

Espera a que oigas esta —— — Wait until you hear this ——

León — As in León, Guanajuato State, near Guanajuato City, which has the largest shoe factory in Mexico.


	10. Chikume: Rayos Y Truenos

CHIKUME - …RAYOS Y TRUENOS

Shivers rippled on the three toons as they went through a sudden change of atmosphere: from the controlled cool air of an office to the near-freezing and dry night of the Sonora Desert. For a moment, Mary considered holding her "boyfriend" close, but thought twice when a light breeze blew his tobacco and alcohol vapours toward her. The dryness, and a rumble in her abdomen, reminded the Questor that she had not eaten or drunk anything in over twelve hours. Maybe Beeper or Calamity would have something for them.

"I donn soopose joo haff enny —— tequila?" asked The J.A.M., spitting and removing his sunglasses again. The other two looked at him as if he had just asked them for an accordion. Noticing that, he shrugged, put his glasses away, spiked his cane into the sand, and searched his pockets for his pack of cigarettes.

As he did, the humanmaid examined their surroundings. They were on top of a moonlit sandy hill, dotted with cacti and tumbleweed. Below them was a highway that stretched from the southern horizon into a nearby large city, which had a considerable number of hills as well. There were few buildings along the road, indicating that they were near the city limits. Of course, she couldn't read the signs on the buildings, despite them being lit.

"Lightning, are you sure that Beeper's cooking school is here?"

"Look behind joo." They did, and saw a large campus with a several one-story buildings in it. Some lights highlighted the fenced perimeters, but she still couldn't read the sign on the main entrance. Lightning looked into the city and declared, "Welcomm to Hermosillo, Sonora."

" Hermosillo?" huffed the jaguar as he pulled out a cigarette from its pack. "Our —— oil eendostry wood go to —— Hell eef everyone —— travelled like dees, Negrita."

She ignored that remark, and looked down at the mouse as the smoker lit his cigarette, "So we're in front of Beeper's cooking school. Shouldn't he be waiting ou—"

"BEEP BEEP!"

The mammals suddenly screamed/squeaked/roared in fright and jumped incredibly high. Little Beeper smiled and flickered his tongue at them as they came back down. The three landed on their feet/foot-paws, fortunately, gasping and with racing hearts.

"Hello!" signed the bird. He was about to greet his friends—

"Acabas de hacer un ENORME error, —— pajarraco," growled the feline, flattening his ears, and spitting his cigarette on the sand. The African-American stepped between the two to begin her explanation, but the avian was quick on the sign-draw.

He also raised an eyebrow, noticing the panther's accent: "¡Un Chilango!"

"BEEPER, NO!" screamed the Questor, knocking the sign away. But the Street Fighter's night vision was too quick for either of them.

"Y ese fue tu ÚLTIMO —— error," he growled, fur reddening.

She knew that Beeper's untimely comment on her "boyfriend's" origin had triggered his fighting reflex. She saw his tail swish as he poised into an attack position. The roadrunner was quick over long distances and had very good sudden starts and stops, but she didn't know how well he would hold out against the jaguar's enhanced warping abilities. So, she did the only thing she knew that would save her friend's life.

(W—)

(HUG!)

The onça suddenly found himself held in a tight embrace which blocked his warp. The female, on her part, fought a wave of nausea when she was hit with the stench of tobacco that was all over his headfur. He was certainly wider and more solid than she remembered, and his fur was coarse and greasy, not soft and smooth as it was supposed to be. But evil or not, she had to stop him somehow.

Little Beeper saw all this with confusion, so he asked Lightning, "¿Qué sucede¿Y qué hace Mary con un Chilango?"

The mouse thought it best to leave the "couple" to themselves, and to explain the whole situation himself. "Ven," he replied. "Es algo complicado." The two speedy Mexicans padded down the hill, and the mammal began, "Oye¿cómo vas en la escuela de cocina…?"

The "captive" saw his prey walking away, so he turned to his "captor" and growled, "Joo'd better —— let go of me, Negrita."

His growling resonated inside her ribcage, and his body temperature was rising, bringing incredible fear on her. However, she grit her teeth and hugged him tighter, "NO!"

(KACHICK)

"Joo'd —— _better_ let go of me NOW, —— Negrita," he repeated, now with unsheathed claws and bared fangs. Slowly, the carnivore brought them down on her shoulder blades, and slowly pressed so that the tips went through her shirt.

The omnivore was to the point of hyperpanic when she felt eight needles press on her skin. Nevertheless, she looked into his glowing eye, and growled back, "NO! For ONCE in your life, just stop killing!"

The J.A.M. brought up his right paw, and pressed his claws on her neck. "Let —— go of me, or I weel —— feeneesh what I —— began on de —— sofa!"

Mary listened carefully for Lightning's squeaks and determined that he hadn't finished explaining everything to Beeper yet. Turning to her "boyfriend" again, she countered, "J.A.M., if you kill me, you'll lose all your precious money. I have it hidden in my person, and only _I_ can bring it back out!"

"——! Why won't joo let me eat de —— berrd? Won't he steel be —— alibe eef joo change de —— timeline?"

"He's my _friend_! And _yours_, too! Maybe he's not as close as Lightning, Calamity, or me, but he's still a friend! And he, too, can help you get your real life back! Just for once—ONCE!—stop killing toons!"

Here, the panther was faced with an unusual situation. He could certainly smell her panic, but she wasn't doing anything to save her own life, despite the fact that she _knew_ that he could kill her on the spot. "Joo'rre crazy. _Joo'rre —— crazy_!" He spat, retracted his claws, and put his arms down. Slowly, the humanmaid released him, breathing _very_ hard. "Ees my —— oreegeenal life so —— eemportant to joo dat joo don't geebe a —— —— about joor own!"

"YES!" she screamed back. "And someone _destroyed_ your life! I know you don't know anything of what you're originally supposed to be, but don't you even _want_ to try finding out? Finding out what it's like to do good, to have friends, to love others and have others love you? To have someone love you to the point that she's willing to _die_ for you? If you think I'm crazy it's because you can't grasp the concept of True Love. You can never understand it, not in this timeline. And _that's_ what I'm trying to change!"

The Street Fighter raised an eyebrow, "Oh? And what eef de —— roddrronner sess no? What den? Do joo —— teenk joo can steel —— teach me 'troo lobb'?"

The Questor huffed at him, straightening her shirt, "I can certainly try. I know many who would give up on you just by looking at you, but not me. Let me help you rebuild what this person destroyed! And who knows? Maybe we'll meet the one who did all this, and you can carry out your revenge on her in any way you like. I'm most certain this person deserves whatever you dish out on her."

Great, the male was back to square one. "And who de —— _ees_ dees —— perrson, Negrita?"

"We'll know when we see her."

"Beep beep!" The beeping wasn't that loud now, she realised. Both turned and saw the other two Mexicans approaching again. And the avian was holding a sign: "Mary, do I still run with Calamity in the other timeline?"

She wasn't sure what that question was about, but she replied, "Yes, you still do. Beeper, if you're doing well here in your cooking school and if you don't want to give that up, I un—"

"BEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP!"

The mammals stood perplexed as the young roadrunner ran in circles all over the place, smiling. After a bit, he stopped and turned to them, "Of COURSE I'll help you, Mary! Even if he _is_ a Chil—"

The female was quick enough now to jump down and cover the offending word at the last moment. She only hoped that the northerner's new outburst didn't destroy what she had accomplished so far.

"Joo kno, 'Beeper', I donn —— like beeng eensollted," growled the Chilango, spitting and padding down to meet him.

"So I noticed," signed the Cook, nonchalantly.

"Joor —— hyooman frennd josst sabed joor —— life, for now. I donno why de —— joo'rre helpeeng me, bott eef joo —— eensollt me agenn, joo won't —— see me comeeng, and not even _she_ weel be aboll to —— help joo."

"Not see you coming?" he signed, raising an eyebrow again. "Mister J.A.M., _you_ didn't see me coming just now. I doubt that you'd be quick enough for me."

Oh dear. "No, Beeper, don't do this!"

(WARPUNWARP!) The jaguar was suddenly behind the mouse (WARPUNWARP!) and now behind the humanmaid? (WARPUNWARP!) And now at the bottom of the hill? (WARPUNWARP!) And now beside Mary again?

"Donn't press joor lokk, —— pajarraco."

She pleaded, "Guys, can we go see Calamity now? It's getting late!"

"Impressive," signed the "pajarraco", ignoring her, "You're good at short distances, like a cheetah. But I doubt you can maintain that speed for more than 200 metres!"

The female stomped in front of the avian, "Beeper, stop this! We don't have time for—"

"Joo'rre presseeng joor —— lokk," hissed the carnivore, fangs bared, also ignoring her.

Beeper stood back at that gesture, but still held his opinion. "Why don't we find out? We'll race from here to Calamity's, in Heroica Nogales. That's 250 kilometres to the north. Can you run that fast for that long?"

The J.A.M. spat and crossed his arms. "I had a —— good lonch today."

Mary finally stepped between the two, grabbed their wing/arm and pleaded, "Guys! Stop this! It's not going to prove anything, not in the other timeline!" She was still being ignored, unfortunately.

"If I win, I can call you 'Chilango' all I want," he signed, slipping out of the Questor's grasp.

The Street Fighter purred evilly, yanking himself free rather rudely, and sending his "girlfriend" to the sand. "And eef _I_—— ween, or eef I —— catch joo, I —— eet you. Deal?"

"Negrita" was panicking again as she struggled to stand. "WHAT? Beeper, don't do this! You don't know what he's capable of!"

"Deal," he signed. "Just follow me." What? Was the bird insane? "Lightning, if you please." Bird and mammal faced north, and braced to begin.

The African-American frowned when the mouse padded toward them, apparently to officially start the race. "Lightning? You're not going to agree with all this nonsense, are you?"

"Sory, Mery. Bott needer of dem weel back down, and joo kno dat." He turned to the other males, and said, "En sus marcas—listos—¡FUERA!"

(WARPZOOM!)

A trail of fire shot down the highway toward the city, while the jaguar disappeared from sight and sound, leaving the Questor and the Businessmouse alone on the hill. "I suppose we'll meet them at the finish line," she sighed with great fear and sadness, despite the fact that Beeper had agreed to this. She removed all the sand from her pants as best as she could, picked up the white cane, pulled out the postcards again, and found Calamity's.

D-Boy had calmed down somewhat, as the quiet desert zoomed below him. His airbike was on autopilot and he sat back, pondering a new plan of confronting the Anathema. In the desert, there would be less people around to interfere—

(BEEPBEEPBEEP)

Sitting up, he looked at the small radar screen.

And growled again.

But not as intensely as before. The Anathema was now moving at a considerable speed out of Hermosillo, and heading north, toward the U.S. border. Perhaps he hopped on a car or plane, but that didn't matter. If he was alone, he would be able to shoot him down.

His judgment was _very_ near.

Changing course again, he headed north on an intercept course, toward the U.S. border.

* * *

Spanish - English

Rayos y truenos — (lightning) Bolts (lit.: rays) and thunder (pl)

Acabas de hacer un ENORME error, —— pajarraco — You just made a HUGE mistake, —— bird-brain

Un Chilango — A Chilango: someone born in Mexico City

Y ese fue tu ÚLTIMO —— error — And that was your LAST —— mistake

¿Qué sucede¿Y qué hace Mary con un Chilango? — What's going on? And what's Mary doing with a Chilango?

Ven. Es algo complicado. Oye¿cómo vas en la escuela de cocina...? — Come. It's somewhat complicated. Say, how are you doing in that cooking school...?

En sus marcas--listos--¡FUERA! — On your marks--get set--GO!


	11. Chikueyi: Metabolisms

CHIKUEYI - METABOLISMS

Mary, Lightning, and Calamity were sitting outside the coyote's house. "House" was a relative term, since it was actually a cave carved out of a rocky hill. The cave was several hundred metres from the nearest house, which was also a considerable distance from the next one, until the houses increased in number as they approached the more populated centres of Heroica Nogales, Sonora. The landscape was practically the same as they had seen in Hermosillo, with the exception of a few sporadic deciduous trees planted along the street. Calamity's cave had several openings carved into it that served as the main entrance and bedroom windows, and it had a few boulders in the front yard instead of a lawn. Behind the cave was a wire fence, and beyond it was the United States.

The three toons were sitting on the boulders, waiting for Beeper and The J.A.M. When the Questor and Businessmouse arrived, the young Genius was sleepily, but happily, waiting for them. Explaining the whole spiel to him, and the bet between the roadrunner and the jaguar, brought the coyote to full alertness, and naturally, he agreed to help his human friend.

She looked at him as he nervously scanned the southern horizon with his night-vision binoculars; his ears low, and his short tail softly thumping on the rock. She looked down and saw the white cane on the sand, and beside it was Lightning speaking to Sneezer on his cell phone, also trying to explain the whole unworldly mess to him in his broken English.

The humanmaid sighed.

The hot chocolate and beef soup that her coyote friend gave her were clearing her eyesight and basically reviving her a trifle, after all the madness of this day. Still, she had to make a considerable effort so that exhaustion didn't overcome her, not now, not yet, and just sitting there doing nothing wasn't helping much. True, she did need some breathing time, but she wasn't sure how much she could afford with all this madness. She looked up at the night sky, and way in the west was the moon. Being so late, or so early, it looked like a half-closed eye. Examining the rest of the dark blue dome, she was amazed at the amount of stars she could see, along with the Milky Way. There were too many lights in Acme Acres, Mexico City, Guanajuato, and Hermosillo to truly see them, but Heroica Nogales, and Nogales, Arizona, were small towns that didn't have much light pollution.

How long had they been waiting? Twenty minutes? Thirty? An hour? Did The J.A.M. catch Little Beeper and eat him? Were they all right? Did they lose their way and run past Nogales and were now lost in Arizona?

No. She pushed down all those negative thoughts and tried to relax. Looking up again, she tried to identify some constellations, but her astronomy education hadn't been that in-depth. Pushing down a huge yawn, she turned to her canine friend and was about to ask him if he had some industrial strength coffee—

—with a "toing", his ears shot to the sky, and his tail wagged. The African-American turned to the southern horizon, and could just barely see a faint dust cloud approaching. "Lightning!" she called to the murid. "They're coming!" He looked south and also sighed with relief. This whole shenanigan was just about over. She then turned to the canid again and—

—saw that he was standing, his ears were flat, and his tail was tucked in?

"Something is definitely wrong," he signed, handing her the binoculars.

Fear pounced on Mary again as she took the device. She looked through them and for a moment could only see a green desert, until she focused on Beeper. Zooming in, she saw what had startled her friend.

Beeper's face was filled with panic and terror, unlike any he had ever experienced before. And the female, too, paled when she saw his face. On the bird's back, she could see that he was missing a lot of feathers, and that his primary tail feather had been sliced in half. And to top off the picture, he was holding up a huge sign that proclaimed:

"HE WANTS TO EAT ME!"

She couldn't believe it. The J.A.M. had actually _caught up_ to Beeper, _and_ was swiping his feathers right off his back! But—The J.A.M. never ran long distances without his ankles disintegrating! And hadn't he told her before that his warps were simulated? How could he be as fast as Beeper?

Her questions were answered by more movement in her field of vision. Zooming out a trifle, she thought she saw the jaguar appearing and reappearing all around the roadrunner. Was that how he was doing it?

A tap on her shoulder made her turn away. The canid was beside her, also frightened, and holding a sign, "What do we do now?"

The Questor had to think fast. Without the binoculars, she saw that the racers had now cut their distance from the horizon to the cave by half. They had less than a minute to go, if they kept up that speed. Turning back to the Genius, she replied, "Have Beeper stop right next to your front door. I'll take care of my 'boyfriend'." She looked back at the approaching toons, weary, yet with resolve.

Little Beeper couldn't believe it either. He could feel the jaguar's claws slashing his feathers off, and from the way he was warping and unwarping all around him, even _in front_ of him, he _knew_ that The J.A.M. was toying with him. He could only hope that Calamity had seen his sign and had something planned to save him from a definite death. Looking up, he saw the latrans' cave ahead.

And right in front of the door was a huge sign that ordered:

STOP

Mary Melody's heart raced as she waited behind the large boulder. Hearing the characteristic zoom rising in pitch, she reached behind her, and prepared herself.

This had to be timed perfectly.

_At the sound of the 'klong', it will NOT be lunchtime,_ she thought, gritting her teeth.

Little Beeper zoomed up and suddenly halted next to Calamity with a "toing".

"NOW!"

(UNWARPOUNC—_KLONNNNNNNNNGGGG!)_

The humanmaid struck out with a large frying pan with both hands, right when the onça unwarped. As was expected, his pounce was stopped cold in mid-air, leaving his facial likeness on the cookware. Both mammals vibrated for a moment, then she planted her feet on the ground again while he fell back, unconscious, and with stars glittering all over his face. "Negrita" glanced at the pan, surprised when she saw that it even copied her "boyfriend's" fangs. Throwing it away, she turned to the other Mexicans. "Are you okay, Beeper?"

The avian was panting for the first time in his life, and his legs were shaking so much that his canine friend had to steady him. Both stared at the unconscious feline, and he signed at her, "You want us to help THAT?"

Holding his shaky wing, she replied, "Yes. But you must understand that _that_ is _not_ the friend you originally knew! Someone destroyed his life and turned him into a monster!"

Beeper flopped to the ground, "You had just _better_ be right, Mary."

"And all of this had _better_ be worth it," added Calamity, nearly snarling.

"It is," she replied with tired eyes. "None of you will remember this. And what we have waiting for us is _much_ better than all we've accomplished. _He_ helped us follow our greatest dream, the _real_ him."

"Sneezer, Sweetee, and Professor Coyote arr comeeng," piped Lightning, putting away his cell phone. "Do joo teenk he'll stay out colld onteel dey get heerr?"

She looked down at the jaguar. His tongue was hanging out, and he still had stars glittering over his face. "I don't know. But let's hope he gets a good night's sleep. I know we'll all need one tomorrow, or should I say 'today'?" They let the panther rest, and took care of the shaky roadrunner. After a bowl of birdseed and a quick step out of frame, he was as good as new, save for some residual panting. The Questor sighed again. Looking at the Street Fighter sleeping on the sand reminded her of their last date in his lair. She was amazed that even now he looked cute when he was sleeping, or perhaps that was just a cat thi—

"I see we're all here, Mary."

Gasping and whirling, she nearly brandished a mallet, but stopped when she saw who had arrived. Wile E. Coyote, Sneezer, and Sweetie Bird were now in front of Calamity's cave as well.

"MARY!" piped the tiny toons, as they ran/flew over to hug her.

Again, she embraced them as best she could due to the size difference. "Boy, am I glad to see you two!"

"Lightning called us and told us the whole thing, yeah he did!" squeaked the American mouse. "I then called Sweetie, and then Professor Coyote, who took us here with a scene change. We're with you all the way, yes we are!"

"Whoa, no wonder you were just suddenly here!" She held both toons in front of her, and looked into their eyes. "Guys, I know that you two were planning to transfer to New York. If you still wish to study in Carnegie or the Smithsonian, just say so, and I'll call off the—"

"HEY!"

The humanmaid was startled at the canarymaid's shout, so she hushed and listened to what she had to say. "Mary, Sneezer here just told you that Lightning told us the WHOLE THING, AND that we were with you ALL THE WAY! The Smithsonian can wait, if we still do comedy. Besides, I was only transferring because HE WAS!"

Sneezer blushed a trifle, and added, "Um, yea, Mary. The Carnegie Institute is great, but they don't do a lot of comedy, nope-nope. And if we still stay with comedy, then we'll help you with your boyfriend! Um, where is he, huh-huh?"

She nodded to their right, and the three newcomers finally saw the reason for this whole mess. "He doesn't look THAT MEAN," piped the American bird.

The toon in question, however, decided to wake up at this point. "…ay————¿qué —— —— pasó?" he mumbled, rubbing his aching face.

"Joo lost," replied the Mexican mouse.

The jaguar looked up and saw the roadrunner, and the newcomers, and suddenly back at the roadrunner. "How de —— deed joo rrecobber so —— fast?"

The avian looked back at him and signed, "Education works wonders." For a moment, Beeper wanted to finish that phrase with "Chilango", but thought twice about it.

The African-American saw the onça stand without much shaking of his legs, obviously showing that he, too, had a quick recovery time. And for a moment she thought that he appeared to have slimmed down somewhat, but dismissed that as a trick of the darkness.

The J.A.M. examined the newcomers for a second, spat, and turned to her, "Let me —— guess: morr of my —— frennds?"

"Yes. And you wouldn't believe how much they care about you that they're willing to give up their success here and return to their previous lives. So _try_ to have a little respect for them, okay? I'm sure they all more than respect you."

The panther didn't reply, so he just turned away again to examine the area and light a cigarette. Wile eyed him with curiosity and disgust for a moment, and spoke, "Very well, since we're all here, and since no one objects to Mary travelling in time to restore the original timeline, I guess we'll begin working on the time machine. Calamity, do you have the blueprints?"

"Yes." The "bit-players" gathered around a boulder, produced some flashlights, and began discussing among themselves as the young canid pulled out several large rolls of blue paper.

Until the felid tapped his shoulder and asked, "Oye¿tienes algún —— venado o algo más para comer? Tengo —— hambre."

The canine smirked in disgust and signed, "No," without looking up.

The feline insisted, "¿Mapache¿Rata¿Serpiente¿Preferiblemente todavía —— vivos?"

He whirled to him, ears flat and hackles raised, "¡NO¡Y mucho menos VIVOS!"

"Cal? What's going on?" asked the Questor, noticing the altercation.

"He's hungry. And he wants _live prey_."

"Hey, a —— carnívoro's gatt to eat. Dat —— rrace took a lot of —— enerrgy." Standing closer, and in the light, Mary noticed that her "boyfriend's" abdomen really _had_ deflated, for some reason.

And he was eyeing the tiny toons now.

"Uh, J.A.M.?" she asked, leading him away. "Why don't we go into town and see if we can find you some—um—_real_ food, okay?"

He was surprised to see her holding his arm and pulling him away from the group. He held back from retaliating, for some reason again. So, he just took a drag from his cigarette, spat, and replied, "I —— guess I donn haff a —— choees." He picked up his white cane, donned his sunglasses, and allowed "Negrita" to lead the way, while the rest worked on the time machine.

The "couple" walked/padded into the dark streets of Heroica Nogales, and as they approached the streetlights, Mary saw that The J.A.M. really _did_ lose several kilograms. His abdomen was almost flat, and his t-shirt hung from his chest and not his stomach. In fact, he seemed more muscular now, especially his legs. He looked like a _true_ street fighter now.

"J.A.M., how did you lose weight so fast?"

"¿Eh?" he spat, glancing at her and his abdomen.

"Yeah, when we were in your hideout, you looked as if you had just eaten a horse!"

"I had."

She gasped at that, but forced herself to continue, "And—and—and right now, you look as if you haven't eaten in a week! That never happened to you in the other timeline. What's up with that?"

He took another drag and chuckled, "Eet woodn't haff —— happenedd eef I had neberr eaten a —— horrs! Joo see—"

"¡QUIETOSSSSSSSSS!"

The "couple" froze, as the sound of multiple rattles filled the night air. Shadows moved around them, and moments later the humanmaid saw that they were surrounded by several huge rattlesnakes, nearly as long as she was tall, and all were clad in black leather and red bandanas.

He spat in disgust, "Oh ——! I —— woodn't haff let dees happen eef I hadn't been —— tokkeeng to joo, Negrita!"

"W-what do we do now?" she stuttered-whispered, glancing nervously about.

He thought for a moment, and replied softly, "Donn't —— move."

"Muy bien, cccccccccieguito," hissed the apparent gang leader. "Danosssssss todo lo que tienessssss, incluyendo tu —— guía, y te dejaremossss ir." Mary counted at least eight snakes all around them, poised and ready to strike.

"¿Quieren todo lo que —— tengo, incluyendo la —— Negrita?" asked The J.A.M., nonchalantly, ears up, and spitting out his cigarette. A few snakes nodded, but he just smiled, "Pues tendrán que —— quitármela."

(WARP!)

The cane and sunglasses fell.

Suddenly, the Questor realised that she was alone in the middle of a snake gang! Had he abandoned her?

(UNWARPCRACKWARP!)

All the reptiles gasped when they saw one of their own fall dead for no apparent reason, save for his head bent at a painful angle.

(UNWARPCRACKWARP!)

And it happened again. The remaining ophidians frantically whirled around and drew pistols with the tips of their tails.

(BANG!)

"¡ARRRGG!" moaned one, as his pistol was suddenly shot off his tail. At the sound of the gunshot, the female dropped to the sidewalk. Firearms were rarely used in the Looniversity, but now more madness was thrust in her face (UNWARPCRACKWARP!) quite literally, as another snake dropped dead, his surprised face inches from her own. Instinct was taking over her, and slowly she reached into her pocket to retrieve her own weapon. She stopped her movement as the remaining gang members fired randomly about, trying to kill the elusive "cieguito" (UNWARPCRACKWARP!) but they couldn't seem to hit him.

Now, only four rattlers were left. "¡JÚNTENSSSSSSSSE!" ordered the leader. The four converged around the humanmaid, facing and aiming in four directions. If the jaguar attacked, at least one would be able to see him coming. She couldn't risk drawing her gun out now, lest one of them see her and retaliate.

"Parece que no estoy tan —— ciego¿verdad?" asked the onça, almost ethereally, since the source of his voice could not be determined. The gang was clearly afraid now.

"¿QUÉ ERESSSSSSSS TÚ!" asked one in desperation.

Ethereally, the jaguar growled, "Tu peor pesadilla, ——."

(UNWARPCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACK!)

Mary didn't even have time to say "oof". But her best guess of what had just happened was that The J.A.M. unwarped on her back while he broke the rattlers' necks in rapid succession. After the last snake fell, he stepped off her and let her stand.

Dusting herself, she groaned as she caught her breath, "I thought that someone as evil as you wouldn't be much into saving lives."

He spat but didn't turn to look at her. "Sabeeng —— libes? Je je, Negrita I was sabeeng my —— monee and getteeng sommteeng to —— eat."

Good answer, as she _knew_ he could never be _that_ noble in this timeline. "Of course. What was I thinking?" she asked sarcastically.

He turned and picked up his sunglasses. "Je je, joo akchooally tott dat I was sabeeng JOO?"

"Well, it would be something that _I_ would have done, regardless of what you were. I guess that intentions really _do_ matter—what?" She noticed that he was staring at her with anger, evidenced by his flat ears, bared fangs, and reddening fur. "J-J.A.M.?" Oh no, was he going to finish her off _now_? He spat, continued to eye her with rage, and prepared to pounce. She cowered down, "I—I didn't mean to insult you or anything, but please don't kill me! Don't eat me! Don't—AAAAAAHHHHH!"

He pounced, however, but only to shove her down to the sidewalk. When she looked up, she saw that he hadn't attacked her, but a remaining snake instead, who apparently was about to strike her from behind. She had to turn away; however, because the panther had retaliated with a strike of his own, effectively engulfing the snake's entire head in his jaws with a sickening crunch. A slurping sound made her nearly empty her stomach, because she knew that he was eating the reptile as if he were a noodle. In fact, a few moments later he was eating the entire gang! Disgusted, she stood and walked away a bit, letting him finish his "dinner", or "breakfast" in this case, and trying to ignore the pain she had on her left shoulder and lower back. Several minutes later, when the slurping stopped, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Enjoy your dinner?" she asked annoyed, arms crossed.

"No," he spat. "Dey needed —— lemmon. Snakes are bery —— salty." Turning, she noticed that his abdomen was swollen again, and he was holding the snakes' few possessions of leather, bandanas, destroyed guns, and his white cane.

"Souvenirs?" she asked, frowning.

"Somm. I took de —— gonns dat steel worrkedd. Joo want de —— ledderr?" She wouldn't even _begin_ to think what he wanted her to do with leather. So, she just turned and walked off. He shrugged, spat, and followed her, throwing away the leather, metal, and bandanas in a nearby dumpster. "Joo're —— welcomm," he growled, ears low.

Eventually, they found a 24-hour store. Once inside, they bought snacks and a soft drink for her, and raw meat for him. The clerk, an old male owl, refused to sell the jaguar, a minor, a bottle of tequila and cigarettes, which gave the humanmaid some relief. It was cut short when the onça offered to pay _triple_ for his items, and the clerk agreed with a huge grin. So, he was right: it was very easy to bribe an authority. Shaking her head, she followed him to their booth, which consisted of stools around a small table next to the large window, a good place as any to have their "breakfast". In a short time, the female noticed that her "boyfriend" had smoked two cigarettes and consumed one-third of the tequila, and though his eye was bloodshot and his breath reeked of alcohol again, he didn't appear to be drunk.

"Well, before we were so rudely interrupted, you were going to tell me how you appeared to gain and lose weight so quickly?"

"¿Eh? O, jess," he spat, taking another drag. "Joo see, when I was takeeng —— karatte, I lerrnedd —— ways to control de —— body. Weet —— practice, I lerrnedd to —— improob my —— metaboleesm and queeckly use oll de —— enerrgy een meat and alcohol. Normally, when a —— carnívoro eats and rests, de —— meat torrns to —— fat and mossle, bott eet takes a —— long time forr fat to torrn to —— enerrgy. I lerrnedd how to —— speed dat opp. De morr I —— eat and dreenk, de morr —— enerrgy I haff to —— fite!"

Shivers crept on the African-American. Not only was he evil, but he had altered his metabolism to become a super-efficient fighter? "Is—is that how you were able to keep up with Beeper?"

The Mexican laughed and spat, "Jess. Dat was so —— eesy. And dat ees also why I —— eat whoeberr I —— fite," he finished his cigarette and ground out the stub.

This was too much for her, so she changed the subject. "Um—I noticed that you have the heads of several people on your gold chains. You mentioned Darwin, but who are the others?"

He glanced down at his shirt and pulled out his chains again. "Ah, oll of deese are —— famoss peepoll." He held them out one by one. "Darrween—Karrl Marrx—Engells—Staleen—Lenneen—Heetlerr—Robbesspierr—Napoleón—Mussolini—General Tojo—Marrshall Tito—Saddam Hussein—Anton LaVey—Osama Bin Laden—Idi Amin—Mao Tsedong—Fidel Castro—El 'Che' Guevara—De Uneebomberr—El —— Sub-comandante Marcos— Santa Ana—Porfirio Díaz—Luis Echeverría…" On and on he named them, dictators and despots, fascists and communists, terrorists and Satanists, all of them people who had caused mental, spiritual, and physical devastation, both in reality and in toonity, and apparently his "hall of fame" included shady characters from Mexican history as well. He lit up another cigarette and stated triumphantly, "My —— heross. Eempresseev, don't you —— teenk?"

The Questor just shook her head, propping it on the table. There was one more thing she needed to know, or that she already knew and it had broken her heart, but that she had to hear directly from him. "J.A.M.—ever since—um—you began all this—well—back in my timeline, both of us are saving ourselves for the honeymoon, but I need to know—um—well—how—um—how many females—how many females have you—have you—?"

"——?"

She winced and frowned. "I was going to say 'had', you pervert!"

The Street Fighter spat and chuckled at that, almost as if he _liked_ being called a pervert. "Well, Negrita, now dat joo —— mention eet—let's see—" He took another drag and tilted his head as he searched his memory for a summary of his exploits, smiling and chuckling occasionally as he did, and counting off on his paw digits. She wanted to slap him every time he smiled, chuckled, and even licked his fangs occasionally, but held herself back. Finally, he laughed, "Je je, I teenk I —— lost count!" She shook her head in tremendous grief, rubbing her face. "Jess: mammals, berrds, and —— rreptiles. I teenk I even—je je—'had' a —— pangoleen once!"

That was plainly insane. "A _pangolin_?" She eyed him with disbelief.

"Dey haff —— scales, right?"

"Th-that's beside the point. But again, what I want to know—and what you need to think about—J.A.M., how many of those females—let you—um—'have' them—out of their own will?"

"¿Eh?"

The female knew that the concept would be practically impossible for him to understand, but she pressed, "Yes. How many of them—well—_wanted_ to be with you? How many of them stayed by your side without you needing to restrain or threaten them? How many kissed _you_ without you asking for it? How many of them just held your paw because they loved how good that felt? How many looked into your eyes and wanted to never look at anything else again? How many ran their hands through your headfur because they loved making you purr? How many were willing to _die_ for you? How many—how many—" she sniffed, "—_loved_ you?"

The male removed his sunglasses and remained quiet throughout her questionnaire, taking a drag or two, and eyeing her with contempt. And he remained quiet after she finished. Another drag, a spit, some more tequila, and then he replied with a voice that sounded very, _very_ tired, "Negrita, I —— tolld joo beforr: —— lobb dossen't exeest. Eet deedn't —— exeest when I was a —— cobb, eet deedn't —— exeest when I was een —— school, eet deedn't —— exeest when I was takeeng karatte, and eet deedn't —— exeest when I left homm. No —— female wanted to get closs to me _becoss_ of my —— eye, so I had to—je je—make —— teengs happen." Her thoracic cavity seemed to connect with her throat as he spoke. Growing up without love would be devastating for anyone. "Eef joo donn't —— beleeb me, oll I haff to —— do ees say dat de —— anserr to oll joorr —— queschonns ees _CERO_!" he suddenly roared, ears flat, making her jump back a trifle.

But then, she frowned at him, and replied with a tone that almost sounded like a growl, "You're wrong."

He took another drag and raised both ears and an eyebrow, "Je je, I'm —— 'rrong'?"

"Yes. Contrary to what you grew up with, today you have seen two mice, one female canary, one coyote, one roadrunner, and one female human give up their successful careers in order to give you your _real_ life back!" He just stared at her. "And though you may be a complete distortion of the boyfriend _I_ knew, I'll have you know that if we can't get the time machine to work, then I'll be more than willing to take you in with us—and yes—(gulp)—I'd bring myself to love you, regardless of who you are or what you did! And have you noticed that I haven't tried to run away from you, despite what I know you're capable of doing to me? When was the last time a female hugged you the way I did back in Thermos—Hermit—"

" Hermosillo."

"That place! J.A.M.—if no one has ever loved you, please understand—please get this in your head: there are those who love you _now_. There are those—who are willing to _die_ for you."

The panther spat and smirked again, and produced a wad of bills. " Dees can —— get me oll de —— frennds I need. Dees can —— get me enny —— female to comm to me weetout —— keednappeeng herr. _Dees_ can get me oll de —— 'lobb' _joo_ say joo haff!"

"The difference is that you don't have to pay _us_ one cent," she retorted. "Did you ever realise that?"

He sat back, putting away the money. "¿Qué? Joo meen no one ees —— payeeng joo to do dees?"

"Not one cent, J.A.M. _That's_ the difference between me and any female who will take your money."

"Orr maybe joo'rre josst —— crazy," he took another drag.

Bleep it, why won't he accept this? "To you, yes, I suppose I am. True love can do that to you. You go crazy because the one you love has been turned into a monster."

"Je je, joo'rre —— smart, Negrita. Bott I donn't —— teenk dat I cood ever be like joorr —— boyfrennd. Heerr, I haff oll de —— females I can —— buy!" He spat and chuckled again, leaning back to drink more tequila.

Mary sighed and shook her head, wondering if she would have an impossible task before her if the coyotes failed. But she had to try. "J.A.M., I know it's impossible for you to believe or accept this, but all of what you're doing—is just plain immoral, _and_ illegal—and—and—it can destroy you in the long run. If we can't get the time machine to work—do you think—do you think—that you could—well—stop with the females?"

The J.A.M. lowered his ears and raised an eyebrow, "Stop?"

"If you are so strong now, do you think you could use your strength to control yourself and just leave females alone? It's not impossible, you know—"

"Je je, joo might as well —— ask me to —— stop eeteeng!" Again, she shook and lowered her head as he laughed his heart out. Perhaps he was beyond help in this timeline? If he was, then the time machine had just _better_ work. But if it didn't—the only option here would be to get him to marry her so that _at least_ his 'activities' would be legal, though marriage was something she had considered to be in the latter future and not right around the corner— "Joo kno, joo shood —— try eet." She suddenly looked up at him, with incredible anger. "I —— bet dat eef joo stay heerr weet me —— long enoff, joo'll —— teenk deeferently. I can —— make joo a —— bikini weet de —— ledder from de —— snakes—and den—weet a leetle —— museec—joo'll —— see what joo'be been —— meeseeng." That was the most repugnant proposal she had ever received. Even Montana Max, as evil and greedy as he was, never gave offers of this type to Elmyra, much less to anyone else. Her fists trembled with rage. "Den joo can see eef joorr —— boyfrennd ees —— worrtt eet, jess? Je je je—" At this point, her self-control snapped under the pressure of his repugnant laughter, the cigarette smoke that he happily blew on her from his nostrils, her anger at this entire lunacy, and her desire to slap him for all he had done.

(SLAP!)

And slap him she did.

The Questor's heart raced again, fuelled by anger and terror, because she thought that now he was going to "have" her right here and right now—

The Street Fighter just turned back to her slowly, ears up, smiling and straightening his cigarette, almost as if he was daring her to slap him again. And was he? Weren't his feline reflexes fast enough to dodge the slap?

Did he _let_ her slap him?

From the smirk on his face, Mary deduced that he had received blows much worse than what she had just delivered. In fact, despite the fact that she _did_ slap him hard, she noticed that his fur had barely ruffled. And that her own hand seemed to be stinging, for some reason.

"Okay, —— forrget de —— bikini, je je je." She was ready to slap him again, regardless of the consequences, if it was just to remove that repugnant laugh, perverted smile, and stinking cigarette from his jaws. And the humanmaid was right; his lifestyle was already taking its toll on the jaguar, because a pimple had just appeared on his right cheek—

—and it was moving?

At this point she suddenly remembered a scene from a movie—she couldn't remember the title—about two people who were talking in a booth next to a large window, as they were, and a red dot appeared on one of them—

Suddenly realising that it was no pimple, she threw herself over the table, knocking over the tequila, and pushed him backward on the floor. "LOOK OUT!"

If only for a moment, the onça was surprised that for the first time in his life a female had thrown herself at him out of her own free will while not in a fight. Then he felt angry because the bottle fell and now all his precious tequila, and his cigarette, were on the floor—

(ZAPCRASHBLAM!)

That thought was stopped with a flash of light and the window next to them suddenly shattered and cascaded in shards to the floor. Some groceries next to them exploded and fell on the floor as the laser blasted on them. The male tried to stand, but his "girlfriend" held him firmly on the floor, pushing him against the short brick wall that was under the window. Lasers continued to fly over them, and a few exploded on the edge of the wall.

D-Boy had found his target at last. Hiding his airbike just out of town, he ventured into the city, homing in on the evil vibes. Now, perched on the roof of a building across the street from the store, he had picked his target with a pinpoint red laser generated by his right index digit. He frowned when the humanmaid threw the Anathema down, and was rather disappointed when he realised that in Mexico most buildings were made of bricks and not wood or sheet-rock. He had to be careful, though, since the other toon was apparently shielding the Anathema. He couldn't use any high-power beams right now, lest he damage the store more than he already had. Still, a low power energy blast to the brain should be enough to kill the evil feline.

"—— GET DE —— OFF ME!" growled the jaguar dangerously, ears flat and tail swishing.

"Bleep it, do you want to DIE!" growled the humanmaid back, almost as dangerously.

"He can't —— keel me eef he can't —— see me! Joo —— kno I'm too —— fast forr heem!"

"You don't know that! Beeper is Beeper, but he and the snakes were able to sneak up on you! I don't know how this other toon found you, but he doesn't want to fight you, he wants to KILL you!"

"Dat's —— why I haff to —— keel heem fersst!"

"NO! NO ONE HAS TO DIE ANYMORE! I CAN CHANGE ALL THIS!" His reply to that was a very threatening growl, accompanied by his fur and eye turning blood red, and showing a remarkable dental exhibit. Mary would have run just at the sound of that, but she had to keep him down. Then, she felt something wrap itself around her waist. She thought that it was the clerk because she was holding both of the onça's arms down, but suddenly she was thrown off him and back on top of the table. The J.A.M. immediately whipped himself to all fours and (WARP!) disappeared. Quickly, the female got up, but her "boyfriend" was gone. She looked back to scold at the clerk, but stopped when she saw him cowering behind the counter. She deduced that the only way she could have been thrown off would be by the onça using his tail. Then, she realised that she was in clear view for whoever was shooting, and apparently, he/she/it wasn't interested in her.

_She_, however, was interested in _him/her/it_.

She drew her own gun, checked to see if it was loaded, removed the safety, jumped out the window, and hid behind a parked car.

D-Boy suddenly glanced everywhere, since it seemed that the Anathema was appearing and reappearing all over the place. He was moving too fast to get a fix on him! (UNWARP!) But suddenly, there he was, standing in the middle of the street. The wolf lit the red dot on the jaguar's forehead and—

(WARPZAPBOOM!)

—missed?

Huh? Where did the Anathema go—?

—and why were his hackles rising—?

DUCK!

(BANGBANGBANGBANG…!)

Now that both Questor and Street Fighter had identified the Sniper's position, they fired back.

"ITAI!" he whine/yelped as a bullet nicked his left ear. He dropped flat on the roof as more bullets zoomed dangerously close to his head, and some ricocheted off the short rampart. He whined as he pressed his paw on his ear, trying to push the intense pain away. Still, with his other ear, he distinctly heard two sources of gunfire, so he waited until the shooting stopped. If he was correct, one was a professional, and the other was a rookie.

The humanmaid didn't have night vision, but the store's light behind her helped her more or less see that there was someone on the roof. Still, for a moment she thought she was just shooting shadows, though the panther was shooting at the same spot. But from where?

(BANGBANGBANGCLICKCLICKCLICK—)

Bleep, out of bullets. She sat next to the car and fumbled with the clips in her pockets, trying to learn on the fly how to reload this particular gun model.

The arctic wolf smiled for a moment when he heard a gun click, and the other go silent. And the Anathema hadn't moved. Silently, yet painfully, he rolled to a rear corner of the roof, and jumped down to an alley.

The J.A.M. expertly reloaded his two pistols, keeping his eye on the roof and staying in the shadows. He had the feeling that he knew who was up there, and wondered if either the crazy human girl or he had blasted the sniper's head off, since he hadn't tried to fire again.

The faintest _thud_ reached his sensitive ears.

And a light breeze blew a particular scent to his sensitive nose.

Oh, ——!

(WARPZAPBOOM!)

D-Boy would have cursed himself by missing again, but curses weren't part of him. In fact, he felt sorry for the business whose wall he had just blown down and—

"CELESTIAL SHIELD!"

Mary finally managed to remove the empty clip from her gun, and was now trying to figure out which end of the new one went first. The laser blast and explosion made her drop the new clip, unfortunately, but at least she knew where the sniper was.

(BANGBANGBANGBANG!)

Not to mention her "boyfriend", but the bullets didn't seem to be hitting the sniper.

How the bleep do you load this bleeping thing!

* * *

The bullets were coming from different angles, but the source was the same, as he felt the Anathema zooming all over the place. The lupus tried shooting several power beams, but his target was simply too fast. He released his injured ear to fire with both paws, but he still couldn't hit him.

Bleep it, it _was_ the wolf with the laser bazooka! Or a blaster pistol, at least, since he was shooting with both paws. _And_ he was shielding himself somehow! How on earth were they going to defeat him now? The humanmaid peeked from behind the car, and noticed again that the wolf was concentrating on the jaguar, not her. Analysing the scene, however, she couldn't help but be impressed. The onça moved much faster than what she remembered, judging from the angles the bullets were ricocheting off the canid's shield, which she prayed was mechanically generated. The sniper, on his part, was simply too slow to get a direct hit on her "boyfriend". She then sneaked off to the shadows as well, fumbling with the gun and clip, and wondering if his shield only worked from the front.

Okay, no more Mister Nice Whitewulf. Being as impulsive as he was, he wanted to destroy the Anathema NOW, so he stepped out of the safety of the alley and on to the sidewalk, under a balcony. He should at least get a better view of his target here.

(BANGBANGBANGBANG!)

(ZAPZAPZAPZAPZING!)

* * *

As the female continued sneaking around, her blood pooled to her feet once again when the Sniper padded out to the light. He was an arctic wolf, though the left side of his head seemed to be red, and he had no weapons whatsoever.

He was shooting, _and_ shielding himself, with some sort of superpower!

(ZAPZAPZAPZAPZING!)

(BANGBANGBANGBANG!)

* * *

The shooting continued, apparently randomly, but neither side could get a direct hit.

(BANGBANGBANG!)

Until the jaguar made the fatal mistake of shooting three times in succession from the same pistol.

* * *

The Anathema fired three times from the same gun, forcing himself to stay in one spot for more than three-tenths of one second.

Enough time for D-Boy to pinpoint his location, aim, and fire.

(ZAPBOOMUNWARPTHUD!)

"¡AAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGG!" roared The J.A.M. in pain as his pistols were blown off his paws, forcing him to unwarp and fall back on the pavement.

Triumphantly, D-Boy smiled and looked down at the stunned jaguar. Slowly, he raised his paws high, and lowered them to point straight down at the Anathema. His shield deactivated as he transferred more and more power to his paws.

Mary didn't know that fear and terror reached such high levels. Still, seeing her "boyfriend" flat on his back, stunned and unable to warp, while a super-powered arctic wolf pointed his arms at him—obviously powering them up due to the increasing light emanating from them—was enough to nearly drain her colour off for good. She tightened her fists, and doing so realised that she was still holding her own pistol, now properly loaded. But would she dare shoot someone who was about to kill someone evil? Would _she_ kill, even though this entire timeline would eventually be erased from everyone's memory except her own?

She raised her gun, but her hands were shaking too much to get a proper fix on the wolf's head or chest.

Ohwhattodowhattodowhattodo—

The light coming from the canid's arms was lighting up the area considerably.

And the light attracted a few insects.

She looked above the lupine.

Her hands stopped trembling.

She aimed.

* * *

Dirt and small rocks appeared to be floating around D-Boy as his power level reached its peak. His face shone with the light that came from his arms, not with a hellish glare, but with a brilliance of angelic wrath and judgement. 

"Your life of murder and destruction ends here, panther scum!"

(BANG!)

The arctic wolf glanced to his left, surprised to see an African-American humanmaid pointing a gun at him, or more exactly, above him. Either she was a tremendously bad shot, or—

(THUD!)

He winced a trifle when something fell on his head and rolled off. He dismissed that and was about to tell her to let him do his job—

—when a loud buzzing filled his ears.

Then, pinpoints of stinging pain filled his ears, snout, nose, the top and back of his head, the neck—

BEES!

And African ones, at that.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed/yelped/whined as he threw his arms about, unconsciously powering them down. Panic brought by his bee-phobia took over his brain and he continued to scream/yelp/whine in terror. The insects crawled inside his clothes and attacked there as well.

Mary couldn't believe what she had just done. She wouldn't wish this kind of torture on anyone, not even Montana Max, nor the toon who changed the timeline. And the canine screams of pain made her skin want to crawl out of audio range. She was about to grab The J.A.M. and run, but she couldn't leave the wolf like that.

She wasn't a villain.

Carefully stepping as close as she could without getting the bees' attention, she put her gun away and slowly brandished something behind her. "Hey, Terminator!"

D-Boy turned to see who had decided to mock him by compari—

(BONK!)

For a moment, his head was flattened, until the mallet was removed, and it bounced back into normal shape, except for a huge lump on top. Then, he fell on his back with the bees still swarming all around him.

The Questor put the mallet (with extra-long handle) away and ran before the bees noticed the other source of annoyance. At least now the "Terminator" would be unconscious during the bees' attack. She helped the Street Fighter get back on his foot-paws, though his legs were still a trifle shaky.

Suddenly the onça heaved himself toward the downed lupus and roared, "¡'ORA SÍ TE MATO, —— ————!" His "girlfriend" winced when she heard that, despite the fact that she didn't understand him, though she knew he was uttering mega-curses. She knew that French was a colourful language, but tonight she saw that Spanish had more than its share of Technicolor as well. From behind him, she put her arms around his waist and tried to drag him away. "¡TE VOY A APLASTAR LA —— —— CABEZA, —— —— ——!" He struggled to pull free from her grip, and was foaming from his jaws as he did. His fur was redder than ever, and his tail was puffed up and swishing like a seismograph stylus.

Another sound filled Mary's ears. "J.A.M., no!" she pleaded. "The bees will get you, too! And we have to get out of here before the police get here! Come on!"

"—— —— —— LOBO —— —— ———!"

"…J.A.M.…"

Suddenly, the male stood completely still, save for his tail. His growling stopped as well, as if to hear the female better, because she just had whispered in his left ear. Something overcame him, something that, incredibly, was much stronger than he was. Or maybe it was the fact that no female had ever whispered in his ear before, much less with a voice as beautiful as "Negrita's" was, and much less while hugging him from behind. For a moment, he heard police sirens as well, but dismissed that as a figment of his imagination.

_"…Please, stop this…"_ Her whisper seemed to penetrate his brain, like a light in a dark cave. _"…Let's go back to Calamity's. They must have finished the time machine by now. And if it works, none of this will have ever happened! No one will remember this…!"_ And she was weeping, driving her point straight to his putrid soul. _"…For **once** in your life, just let this go! He can't hurt you anymore, and he **won't** hurt you anymore! He won't remember this. No one will—!—except me…"_

His tail stopped twitching, his ears rose, and his fur returned to normal. He held her hands, as if to break from her grip, but instead he just stood there and held them.

It was an interesting, unknown, and scary feeling he was experiencing right now.

A strange sound softly rose from his throat, one that had lain dormant since he was four years old.

He was purring?

Suddenly shaking this nonsense out of himself, and remembering the pain in his paws, the Street Fighter spat. Turning a bit, he hissed, "I won't —— keel heem now. Bott when joo'rre —— gonn, I weel —— keel heem and eat heem. Joo can't —— stop me, Negrita. No one can!"

The Questor's arms left his waist, but she still gently held his arm. "You've been wrong before, J.A.M. Don't ever forget that." Here, several police cars, sirens blaring, fishtailed onto the street several blocks away. Well, at least they would take care of the wolf and the bees. Jumping again, she pulled down the scenery, and now both were back at Calamity's cave—

—and no toon was there.

* * *

Spanish/Japanese - English 

...ay--------¿qué —— —— pasó? — ...ow--------what the ———— happened?

Oye¿tienes algún —— venado o algo más para comer? Tengo —— hambre. — Hey, do you have any —— deer or anything else to eat? I'm —— hungry.

¿Mapache¿Rata¿Serpiente¿Preferiblemente todavía —— vivos? — Raccoon? Rat? Snake? Preferably still alive?

¡NO¡Y mucho menos VIVOS! — NO! And much less ALIVE!

¡QUIETOSSSSSSSSS! — FREEEZZZZZZZZZZZZE!

Muy bien, cccccccccieguito. Danosssssss todo lo que tienessssss, incluyendo tu —— guía, y te dejaremossss ir. — Very well, little-blind-one. Give usssssss all that you have, including your —— guide, and we'll let you go.

¿Quieren todo lo que —— tengo, incluyendo la —— Negrita? Pues tendrán que —— quitármela. — You want everything that I —— have, including the —— black-maid? Well you'll have to —— take her from me.

¡JÚNTENSSSSSSSSE! — GATHER UP!

Parece que no estoy tan —— ciego¿verdad? — It looks like I'm not so —— blind, right?

¿QUÉ ERESSSSSSSS TÚ! — WHAT ARE YOU!

Tu peor pesadilla, ——. — Your worst nightmare, ——.

CERO — ZERO

ITAI — Japanese cry of pain

'ORA SÍ TE MATO — I KILL YOU RIGH' NOW

TE VOY A APLASTAR LA —— —— CABEZA — I'M GOING TO FLATTEN THE (your) —— HEAD

LOBO — WOLF


	12. Chiknawi: Judgment Now

CHIKNAWI - JUDGMENT NOW

Mary was about to let her panic shoot beyond the solar system, but The J.A.M., unknowingly, stopped that. He picked up a large sheet of paper that was on a boulder, weighted with a rock, and read, "Guys, we're een de lab behind de heell. Josst follo our poppreents."

"Pawprints?"

Both looked down and saw canine, rodent, and avian prints on the sand. The onça's night vision allowed him to see that they stretched toward a hill on the west side of the house.

Relieved once again, the humanmaid pulled him by the arm and exclaimed, "Well, let's go! We're almost to the end of all this craziness!" He shrugged at that, but led the way anyway. As they ran, she asked him, "So, who was that wolf? A friend of yours?"

"No. Neberr —— seen heem beforr. Maybee he's a —— terrorista who deescoberedd wherr hees —— monee was."

"Or a relative of someone you ate?"

"Maybe. I've eaten —— wolbss beforr." She winced at that again, but let it go. Hopefully, the time machine would be ready before the lupus found out where they were now.

They didn't have to run very far, just some 200 metres. The rocky hill was larger than the residence, though, and they ran around it to find the entrance on the west side. There, they noticed that the border fence ran down the middle of the hill. Beyond the hill were a series of trenches, some natural and some artificial, apparently used for safety purposes. The setup was perhaps like this so that any mishaps in the laboratory would not cause damage to Calamity's house, or at least, not as much as the border fence had sustained so far, since it was damaged and even missing in some points. Walking/padding inside, they saw the others and the laboratory. Mary noticed that there was more equipment, not to mention greater sophistication, than in the lab he was supposed to have in Acme Acres. Furthermore, the Acme®™ brand was nowhere to be seen.

Calamity, too, was giving up his successful science career in order to follow his true dream of comedy.

On the back of the cave, everyone was working hard on what was a familiar contraption, one that raised her hopes and brought immense relief.

The time machine!

"Enjoy your breakfast?" signed Beeper, zooming up to them, interrupting the female's tears.

"No," growled the jaguar. "We had —— eenterropchons."

"Well, I whipped up something for you, in case you were still hungry." _And don't consider eating us later on,_ he thought. The bird motioned to a side of the cave, and the "couple" was surprised to find a pile of at least twenty pizzas, hot and ready to eat. Naturally, the carnivore jumped and was about to grab the first one on top—

"——!" he yowled, shaking his paws, which still stung from the wolf's blast.

His "girlfriend" winced again, realising that being a non-loony toon, he couldn't recover from injuries as fast as the others did. Being the compassionate toon she was, naturally, she decided to solve that problem. She held his arms, looked into his eye, and whispered, "Close your eye." _Sheesh, I feel like Pat Morita!_

"¿Qué?"

"Close your eye. I'm going to fix your paws."

His tail swished. "Negrita, I donn't —— closs my eye eef I'm not —— sleepeeng."

"Please!" she whispered, "Just trust me on this!" He eyed her with mistrust, but there was something about her that was different from all the females he met, even his mother and sisters. Still, he closed his eye, but kept his ears and nose on full alert.

The Questor shook his paws carefully, as if she was dusting them off. Then, she held his shoulders, and whispered, "Now, slowly walk a bit." The Street Fighter raised an eyebrow at that, but complied. What he didn't know is that she led him to walk out of frame, wait a moment, and then she pulled him back.

The pain in his paws was suddenly gone.

Snapping his eye open, he glanced at his paws and at "Negrita" and stuttered for the first time in his life, "H—how—how—how de ———deed joo do dat?"

"Education works wonders," she repeated, softly rubbing his paws, and eyeing him with sadness and—and—he couldn't identify that _other_ look in her eyes. He had never seen it before. "Enjoy the rest of your breakfast," she finished, walking inside to talk to the others. He would have dismissed her attitude as a figment of his imagination, but now he wasn't sure. So, he spat, sat, lit another cigarette, and began gobbling up the pizzas.

Mary stepped up to Calamity and asked, "So, how are you guys doing?"

He straightened up from the console and signed, "It's almost done. We're downloading all the space-time data from other laboratories around the world. It was actually easier to build than I thought, but then again I think that's because I had a lot of help this time."

"You did, Cal. And thanks." She hugged the canid tighter than she had ever done before, making him lower his ears, and he felt rather disappointed that he wouldn't remember that once everything was finished.

The humanmaid sat on a nearby chair and gave a deep sigh, rubbing her tired face. Yes, everything was almost over. The nightmare was about to be reversed. Soon, everything would return to normal, and her boyfriend would be back. She wondered what she was going to do when she met him again, back as the Waiting One he was supposed to be. Well, perhaps a toe-curling smooch would be in order and—

She blushed, surprised that her feelings for him had given her thoughts of that kind. Well, it came with the territory, she supposed. And once she got back, she would never let him out of her sight again. And if by chance she ever saw again that Elmyra look-alike, she would have a thing or three to tell her, and do to her. She turned and looked out the entrance of the cave, where the jaguar was smoking again and nearly done with the pizzas. Turning to the others, she saw that only the coyotes were standing at the console, and the others were resting as she was. She stood and stepped up to the canines, who were eyeing the monitor intensely. It displayed a download progress bar, which read 98 per cent. One second later, the download was finished. Both Geniuses turned to her, smiled, and gave her the thumbs-up.

Yes, finally!

The Questor ran to the entrance, where her "boyfriend" was almost done. Outside, the dark sky was slowly turning blue. Egad, was it morning already? Well, no matter. She would go back and then there would be enough time for resting. "J.A.M.?" she asked, hand on his shoulder. "It's ready now."

He looked up, almost indifferently, "Eet ees?"

"Yes. You're getting your eye back. This will all be gone, and you will be the best toon of them all!"

"I can hardlee —— waeet—"

"Mister J.A.M., I presume?" Both turned to see the elder behind them. "We just need one last amount of data. You have to give us the exact date, time, and location that you need Mary to go."

The humanmaid turned to the onça and exclaimed, "Of course! The point where everything was changed! In the original timeline, you had your eye, but here, you lost it. Your other self can't remember when or how he got the scar, but here you say you never forgot. I know it's been a long time, but can you remember the date _and_ the time of day?"

He spat, smirked, huffed, and stood. "I nebber —— forgot eet." He began padding toward the console, but Wile blocked his path. Looking up at the scrawny coyote, the teenager's fur slowly turned red again and his ears lowered, but then he raised an eyebrow when the Professor pointed to the wall:

NO FUMAR / NO SMOKING

The J.A.M. eyed him with contempt again, and smiled. He took a very long drag; finishing what was left of his cigarette, and happily blew the smoke on the canid's face.

Bristling, lowering his ears, and coughing for a moment, he growled, "This had better be worth it, Mary," fanning away the smoke.

"It will be," she replied angrily, as the Street Fighter turned and spat the stub out of the cave.

They led him to the console, where the computer was waiting the space-time input from him. Calamity signed, "Can you remember the _exact_ place? I have maps that can help you."

The jaguar just typed in the date and time, but became confused when the computer asked him for the coordinates. He turned, spat, and was about to ask the teen coyote—

The young Genius was ready with an atlas of Mexico. The feline chuckled at the canine's readiness, and searched the book for his home neighbourhood. Moments later, he pointed at a page in particular. Calamity took over now, and held a transparent grid over the map to get the exact coordinates, which Wile typed. The elder said, "Mary, I'm sending you to _midnight_ of that day. You will most likely encounter the toon who changed the timeline, so the additional time will help you stay one step ahead of her. It will also give you time to prepare a plan, because you _have_ to make the toon _think_ that her plan worked, otherwise she'll just go back and change everything again."

Drat, the madness wasn't over yet. "I'll keep that in mind, Professor."

"And, I'm sending the time machine with you as well, but not to Mexico City. I'm sending it to a cave near Hoover Dam. Once you're done, use a scene change to return to Acme Acres, and find me. I'll write a note for my younger self that will explain everything, so I will help you return to your own time."

"Thank you, Professor. But why Hoover Dam?"

"As I told you before, this time machine requires a lot of energy to operate. We've hooked it up directly to the transformer outside, but it will take a while to power up, and it will very likely cause a blackout in most of northern Mexico and the southwestern United States."

Mary chuckled, "Let me guess: One point twenty-one gigawatts?"

_"ONE POINT TWENTY-ONE GIGAWATTS!"_ screamed everyone else, except for The J.A.M., who just looked at everyone as if they had turned completely insane. Moments later, everyone laughed at the wild takes they did, again with the exception of the felid, who just padded back to the entrance.

"Hilarious, my friends," continued the elder Genius, "But it won't take up _that_ much energy. Some 770 megawatts should be enough, but again, few generators can provide it. That's why it will take some time to power up. And that's the reason why I'm sending it back to Hoover Dam; there the recharging shouldn't take that long."

Mary sighed with relief again. Yes, everything was set. She then felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to see Calamity giving her a note. He signed, "Give this to me in the other timeline once you get everything fixed. It will stop me from endangering the future, and the past."

"And this is _my_ note to myself," added Wile, giving her his note. "I'll also place a note on the machine to tell myself how to operate this."

Great, everything was great. Soon, all would be changed back—

She turned again, and saw the Street Fighter standing at the entrance, looking outside at the increasing light. As was expected, he was smoking again. The Questor walked up to him, finding him deep in thought. "Tired?"

"A —— beet," he sighed, still looking outside. Then, with a fatigued voice again, he asked, "Joo rreely —— lobb heem? Joorr —— boyfrennd?"

She was surprised to hear such a profound question coming from him, but replied, "I would _die_ for him. That's why I've got to change what this other toon did. None of what happened to you was supposed to be."

He spat and threw out the cigarette stub. "Joorr boyfrennd ees —— lokky. When joo —— see heem aggenn, tell heem dat."

"I—I will—and—J.A.M.—" she put her hand on his shoulder, "You didn't do anything to deserve losing your eye, or to grow up without someone caring for you. Yes, you did terrible wrongs because of it, and you may not feel sorry for any of that, but that will change now. And—and—from all you told me, it's obvious to me now what you always searched for, and wanted, and never got. So even if this timeline is destroyed and no one remembers it, I won't leave you without giving you just a little bit of what you wanted—of what you needed—"

"¿Qué?"

She looked into his remaining eye, and sobbed, "I want you to know what it's like to have someone love you with everything she's got." Despite his residual stench of tequila and tobacco, Mary pulled him close, held his head, closed her eyes, held her breath—

And kissed him.

She had to use every ounce of love she had for him in order to _not_ yank herself away because of the horrible taste of alcohol and nicotine.

The J.A.M., in turn, opened his eye really wide, completely alien to the feelings he was experiencing. He became even more disoriented when she hugged him tighter and leaned him back. Was this what true love was? Someone kissing you because _she_ _wanted_ to? Someone being close to you because that is what _she_ desired? No need to kidnap, drug, or force her to do anything?

She did it out of her own will?

He wasn't sure what to do here, despite all the movies he'd seen and magazines he'd read, but was instead completely lost in figuring out how to return the kiss. Perhaps he was supposed to hug her back, but neither his arms nor tail were responding. In fact, he panicked for a moment when he felt his body suddenly lose substance and consistency.

Was he melting?

An eternity later, the African-American pulled back, gasping, looking at the yellow-orange-black puddle on the floor. Realising that perhaps he wouldn't know how to get out of that take, she pulled out a giant eyedropper, sucked up the puddle, pulled out a large drink shaker, poured the contents in it, closed the lid, shook it well, and poured out the contents on the ground. As she expected, they coalesced into the Mexican again, though he appeared to be a trifle groggy. She whispered, "I love you, despite what you are—and what you've done—I never lost hope on you, and never will. And if the others hadn't been able to make the time machine work, I would have married you, because if you couldn't stop with the females, then at least you would have a female who would be more than willing, and at least it would also be legal." The "Chilango" was a bit dizzy, but he managed to take in her declaration. But then, he stiffened, scowled, flattened his ears, swished his tail, turned his fur red, and growled like never before. "J—J.A.M.? What's wrong now?" The humanmaid suddenly realised that she had her back to the entrance, and he had a clear view of the outside. This she confirmed when the onça suddenly grabbed her and pressed her to himself, making her scream in fright. It didn't help matters when he drew another gun and began shooting outside. That caused the rest to stop what they were doing and run to the entrance. " CAL!" she screamed, "THERE'S A CRAZY WOLF OUTSIDE WITH SUPERPOWERS! HE WANTS TO KILL THE J.A.M.!"

Enough said. The young coyote ran to another console and pulled down a lever.

It took a while for the fire department to arrive and hose him and the bees down. The water, naturally, jolted him awake, and soothed most of the stings, but he still looked like a furry golf ball. The police, meanwhile, were finding hundreds of spent rounds everywhere and were demanding an explanation from him even though he was unarmed, despite the clerk's claims that he had laser blasters or something. Since there were no gunpowder traces on him, or on the roof where he was, and since he had an injured ear, the police were inclined to believe his story that a crazed jaguar tried to kill _him_, which was true. The questioning took forever, hindered in part by the fact that D-Boy had a hard time understanding the human's northern Mexican accent. And he didn't have time for this. So, he held his paws in front of him in the shape of a triangle and barked, "SOLAR FLARE!" which caused a light burst, temporarily blinding everyone. Now that they couldn't see him, he ran off to where he had hidden his airbike, and pulled out a first aid kit to take care of the bee stings, his injured ear, and his throbbing headache, not to mention the ridiculous bump on his head. He felt bad for doing that to authorities, and they were only doing their job, but he had a mission to complete. And now, the Anathema hadn't pulled off any sudden vanishings to hide or escape.

He had found him again.

D-Boy had the Anathema cornered, but he couldn't shoot him with the girl as a shield. His own shield deflected the bullets that the jaguar was shooting, so he continued to step up to the cave—

—and suddenly bumped into another shield, apparently across the entrance. A few bullets from the jaguar ricocheted off the second shield, making him stop. Looking inside, the wolf saw several toons armed only with mallets, and all quickly moved between him and the Anathema.

_Looks like he recovers quickly as well,_ thought the humanmaid in her panic, noticing that the wolf still had a bump on his head and a bandage on his right ear.

Then, the arctic wolf lowered his ears and spoke. "All right, listen! I don't want to kill anyone I don't have to! That's not why I'm here! Just surrender the Anathema to me and I'll leave the rest of you alone!"

"'Anathema'!" shouted Mary, looking at the rest. "What's that?"

D-Boy face-palmed himself, wincing as he hit a few remaining stings. He had thought of his target as "anathema" for so long he forgot that others wouldn't necessarily know what that word meant.

Wile explained, "Anathema, noun. One: a formal ecclesiastical ban, curse, or excommunication. Two: one that is cursed. Three: one that is greatly reviled, loathed, or shunned."

The Terminator added, "Four! Something or someone that is cursed and set apart for immediate and irredeemable destruction!"

Well, the toons were certainly _not_ going to let this crazy canine destroy someone who _was supposed_ to be their friend. The Questor shouted, "How would YOU know he's irredeemable? You haven't spent any time with him!" At this point, the Street Fighter noticed that she was holding on to him tighter than he was grabbing her.

The arctic wolf was getting impatient, "Turn the jaguar over to me!"

"HA!" piped Sweetie. "And why would we want to DO THAT!"

"You all are in grave danger just by being close to him! That jaguar has tortured, killed, and eaten hundreds of toons like yourselves! He has stolen countless amounts of money, he has laundered millions of dollars of drugs and smuggled goods, he has caused rebellions and insurrections, he is a mafia kingpin, he is a drug lord and has flooded the streets with drugs, he has corrupted many authorities, and he even killed and ate his own brother, who tried to get him to turn from evil! You all _know_ that he is heavily armed and could kill you anytime he wants to! He is beyond all rehabilitation now, he has refused to repent, and will not listen to reason! He has been branded as Anathema because of all that! Now he must be destroyed before he continues stealing, destroying, killing, and eating others!"

Upon hearing the accusations, all the toons backed off from The J.A.M., except for Mary, but that didn't faze her in the least. Instead, she held him tighter, looked him in the eye again, and declared, "J.A.M., I know that all that is true, but I want you to know this: If the time machine doesn't work, then I may be lost in oblivion. If that happens, then if you should ever turn from your ways, and feel _truly_ sorry for all the wrong you've done, and decide with all of your soul that you will _not_ do evil again, but only what is good, and pay back and restore as much as you can, then—then—_then **I** forgive you_ of all you done against _me_."

The onça eyed her strangely at that.

Forgive?

_Him_?

The others, too, couldn't believe that their friend would even think of forgiving a piece of toon garbage such as him—

(ZAPBOOM!)

The explosion rocked everyone, bringing their attention outside again. "I'll have you know that I can blow down your shield any time I want to! Release the Anathema now!" Calamity looked at both the wolf and the jaguar, and ran to the shield console.

"Calamity, don't!" shrieked Mary, pulling herself from the jaguar and running to stop the coyote.

"Do eet!" roared the Anathema, eyeing the Terminator fiercely, and pointing two new guns at him now, "Terrn off de —— sheeld!" The young latrans was confused for a moment, wondering why his friend wanted to protect this piece of garbage, while the garbage wanted to commit suicide. He reached for the shield lever—

The humanmaid yanked him away from the console and both fell on the floor. (WARPUNWARP!) The onça was suddenly at the console, shut down the shield (WARP!) and immediately disappeared.

"NO!"

Immediately, D-Boy sensed that the Anathema was no longer in the cave, but behind him.

(BANGBANGBANGBANG…!)

His shield _did_ go all the way around him. The arctic wolf turned and returned fire, but his target was no longer there. The jaguar was again warping and unwarping all over the place, but he _still_ couldn't get a direct hit. The lupine ran from the cave, lest any bullets bounce off his shield and hit the other toons. For added safety, he adjusted his shield a bit so that it stopped the bullets instead of bouncing them off. With both fighters distancing themselves from the cave entrance, the other toons carefully walked/padded/flew outside to see the battle. Brandishing their loony weapons again, they each tried to think of a plan to stop both the wolf and the jaguar.

But how?

Eventually, they hid behind some boulders around the cave, watching the leather-clad canine shoot random laser blasts while bullets collided all over his shield. Mary and Calamity were both behind a boulder near a trench, watching and wincing as the battle raged on. They both knew that it couldn't last forever, because either the shield would be blown down or The J.A.M. would run out of bullets, and they didn't want to guess which event would happen first.

And the panther knew that as well, so he had to end this NOW.

(UNWARP!)

"Oye¿cómo se —— dice 'retar'?"

Both the Teen Genius and the Questor gasped when the Anathema suddenly appeared between them; the shooting ceasing for a moment. Recovering moments later, the grey latrans signed, "Challenge."

"I —— CHALLENCHOO!" the onça suddenly roared over the boulder. "I —— CHALLENCHOO FOR EL RANGO DE CARNÍVORO ALPHA!"

The lupine gasped and froze where he stood.

The other two carnivores gasped as well, flattened their ears, and even paled a trifle. "¿ESTÁS LOCO!" signed the Teen Genius, glaring at the Street Fighter.

This didn't sound good to Mary at all, "What's 'ell rangough deh Carnihvorough Alpha'?"

This required a long response, so instead of a sign, Calamity handed her a paper that read: "The Alpha Carnivore Rank is a lot like the Alpha Male Rank in a wolf pack, but it extends beyond the species line. The Alpha Carnivore is the top carnivore, regardless of gender or species, in a given district, city, state, or general region. Apparently, your 'boyfriend' is going to risk everything to defeat the wolf."

"NO —— POWERRS ORR GONNS! JOSST —— FANG, FEEST, FOOT-POHH, AND CLOHH!"

That sounded just plain crazy to her, "The wolf isn't stupid enough to fall for that, is he?"

"That's not the point. Since the Alpha Carnivore Rank is much higher than the Alpha Male Rank of _any_ pack, the wolf _has_ to either accept the challenge and fight, or decline the challenge and admit defeat, _and_ submit to The J.A.M.!"

"Submit? But he's out to kill him! The wolf won't fight without his powers just for _that_!"

"I'm afraid he has to. If he declines the challenge and kills The J.A.M., _with or without_ powers, he will be mocked and branded a coward because he refused to get his claws and fangs dirty, and a _traitor_, because he killed the Alpha Carnivore with a lopsided advantage."

"Branded by whom? We're the only ones here! Who's going to kno—?" Her inquiry was cut off when she looked into her friend's eyes. There was terror, yes, but also conviction.

"He has witnesses. You'll escape, and tell whoever you want to, _if_ you want to. But Professor Coyote and I have a responsibility to _all_ carnivores to tell all our kind that there may be a coward and traitor among us. I can send out the message before he kills us, _if_ he plans that as well. And the wolf will _not_ decline the challenge, _precisely_ because he is a wolf." Mary paled at The J.A.M.'s cunning. He really _did_ know how to play his cards.

D-Boy growled in anger. Mister Anathema just _had_ to issue the Alpha Carnivore Rank Challenge. And witnesses or not, the arctic wolf had a code to uphold. He may have been called many things before because of what he believed and Who he believed in, but he wasn't going to accept the branding of Coward or Traitor. "ALL RIGHT!" he barked, powering down his paws, turning off his shield, and raising his ears. "I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE! WE FIGHT WITH NO POWERS OR GUNS, JUST FANG, FIST, FOOT-PAW, AND CLAW, FOR THE RANK OF ALPHA CARNIVORE!"

The humanmaid's blood pooled to her heels when she heard that. Turning to the feline, she saw him smile evilly, as if everything that was happening had been planned by him to the second. He stood and calmly padded around the boulder.

She couldn't stop him now.

The Anathema padded from behind the boulder, with raised ears, and smiled at the Terminator, "I haffen't been een a —— good fite een weeks, bott I —— kept een shape." He dropped all his weapons and bullet clips, and removed his watch and chains.

"In round shape, if you ask me," replied the lupus, removing his leather jacket and shirt, and then bending over to remove his boots. In the process, dead bees fell from his clothes.

The Questor and the Teen Genius peeked from behind their boulder to see what would happen now. Seeing both males undress to the fur made her slightly more nervous than she already was, if she could be more nervous. "Um, Calamity, why are they stripping?"

"A. It's going to be a hot day, which is why _I_ only wear sneakers,

B. It's easier to fight that way,

C. Some of their clothes are expensive and they don't want to risk them being damaged, and

D. The winner takes the other's clothes as his reward." Seeing her eyes widening, he continued, "Don't worry, they're both nekkid toons, otherwise they wouldn't do this with an audience." That brought _some_ relief from the humanmaid, though her heart was racing because she was seeing her "boyfriend" strip right in front of her, but then she gasped again. The jaguar removed his shirt, revealing quite a number of bandoliers and holsters. She couldn't believe that he could move so fast while carrying so much, and if so, then how much faster would he be able to move now—?

She covered her mouth in stratospheric shock, halting all unbecoming thoughts and impulses by what she saw now.

The bandoliers were off, and for a moment, his long headfur was lifted out of the way, revealing his back. But instead of a beautiful rosette pattern, the onça's fur was riddled with scars, caused—she deduced—by burns, bullets, fangs, claws, and why not, whips! The rosette pattern had been totally destroyed. He turned around, and she saw even _more_ scars on his chest and shoulders. The scar in his face had only been the beginning, and now—good lord, how much torture had he been put through in this timeline? What really _had_ happened in the locker rooms?

The other toons, too, padded/flew around the boulders they were hiding behind, and all saw the textileless wolf and jaguar pad up to a trench. D-Boy thought it odd that this particular trench ran across the border; perhaps the Anathema chose it precisely because of their two nationalities, or maybe just because it was the nearest one. He hopped down the end of the American side, and his opponent jumped into the end of the Mexican side. He had _some_ idea of what the feline was capable of, but still gave him one last offer, "You can make this quicker and less painful if you surrender and submit to me, Anathema."

The Anathema didn't lower his ears, "Je je je, de only —— teeng I'll make —— queekerr ees de —— fite, and den joo weel —— feel what —— paeen _rreelly_ ees!"

Mary realised that the wolf was right: The J.A.M. was beyond all manner of reasoning, and repentance. The scars ran into his soul as well.

The lupus stood tall. "Have it your way, then. But I'll have you know that with God's help, I can defeat you, with or without guns or special powers!"

It took a lot of effort for the onça not to guffaw at that. "Je je je, yeah, rrite!" Then he scowled, "Leesen, joo ——! I'be —— fott, keelled, and eeten —— wolbbs, foxes, coyyottess, deengos, berrs, poomas, lions, tigers, jagooars, leppards, pandas, peegs, borrs, hi-yeenas, anteaterrs, elephants, crocodiles, Tasmaneean demons, eeguanas, rrattlesnakes, anacondas, porrcoopines, weasels, kanguros, and —— hyoomans! I even keelled two —— skonks dat looked like —— porrpoll neenjas, je je!"

Mary could only shake her head at the list of murder and destruction.

**_"PURPLE!"_** yipped D-Boy, flattening his ears. "Purple _ninja_ skunks! A brother and sister!"

His opponent raised an eyebrow. "Je je, jess. Joo —— knoo dem?"

Hackles were raised and fangs were bared. "They were my friends, Kendo and Ryoko! If you hadn't killed them, I MIGHT have let that girl try to get some sense into you so that you would turn from evil! _But now you will pay for what you did!"_

"Donn't get ——," huffed The J.A.M., brushing it off. "Dey deedn't taste too —— good. Dey needed —— tommattes, je je je!"

Insult on injury? "You're dead, jaguar. You're _so_ dead!"

The felid scowled like never before. "No. Joorr —— frennds arr, and den _joo_ weel. No —— god was aboll to —— sabe dem, or any —— one I ate, and no —— god weel sabe JOO!" Enough. The canid had to end this now. And he would avenge his friends, even if he had to die in the process. But both had to do something first. Following an ancient ritual, they both dropped to the ground, on all fours. Onça and lupus faced each other, and chanted:

"I can defeet joo—" growled the jaguar.

"You're welcome to try—" replied the wolf.

"Forr de highest carnívoro—"

"We fight under the sky—"

"Onteel one of oss dies—"

"No turning back—"

"No calleeng de pack—"

"One-on-one is the attack—"

"Or a coward and traeetor he weel be—"

"For the rest of his days in ignominy—"

"Unless we both die—"

"And our bodees lie—"

"Proclaiming to all a tie—"

Together, "Fangs and jaws, fists and claws, for the glory of the Alpha Carnivore in our paws!"

D-Boy thought, _I won't fail you, my friends—_ He noticed that the Anathema also had his hackles raised, his tail tucked in, his fangs bared, and was growling, almost as if he were a canine, not a feline. Except for one point: his ears were _pointing_ at the wolf. Without realising it, the Terminator, too, raised his hackles higher and tucked his tail in, but flattened his ears against his head.

Without realising it, he had just instinctively submitted to a feline.

"Luciferi excelsi," purred The J.A.M. evilly, adding to the wolf's confusion and sending chills down his spine.

"Huh?"

And that was all the distraction the jaguar needed.

(POW!)

The next thing D-Boy knew was that his snout felt as if it had been shoved into his skull.

Mary was shocked at how fast The J.A.M. could move, even though he hadn't warped at all. " Cal!" she exclaimed, grabbing him by his chest fur, "Is the machine ready? I've got to leave NOW before those two kill each other!"

Painfully, Calamity looked at his watch, and signed back, "Three minutes!" She released him and turned away, still in total fright. Three minutes would be enough time for either, or both, of the carnivores to die.

The panther smiled as the lupine was practically thrown back against the far side of the trench. Mimicking dominant poses from many species was _pan comido_ for him.

The arctic wolf shook his head and rubbed his aching nose, trying to throw off the sudden daze. He cursed himself for letting that jaguar sock him first—

—and give him a severe nosebleed, he noticed. He looked up and noticed that his opponent was in the middle of a pounce, jaws aimed for his throat, so he quickly rolled under him and shakily stood behind him. The felid, naturally, landed on all fours. The canid swung his leg hard, trying to kick the felid's legs from under him, but his opponent was simply too fast for him. The felid jumped up and back-flipped behind the canid again, just as he pulled out from the leg swing. Quickly, the Terminator turned to face the Anathema—

—and the Anathema received him by clamping his paws on his shoulders and throwing his head back, with a hellish growl-hiss coming from his throat.

D-Boy felt as if something within him was pulled—no, _yanked_ out of him against his will, something primal and feral, something instinctive—

—and he, too assumed The J.A.M.'s pose and growl-hissed like never before. Why was he doing that? Why were his instincts overriding his sentient thoughts? Why couldn't he fight as he fought others before? And why did the jaguar behave like a wolf now? Was he a schizophrenic?

The Street Fighter smiled with satisfaction, pleased that his calculated performance was pulling unbridled and instinctive—hence predictable—moves from this pathetic dog.

All to his advantage.

Suddenly, the jaguar kicked the arctic wolf, making every single male spectator hunch over, as if they had been kicked too. The lupine knelt and hunched over as well, letting out a soprano howl.

"—— perro," hissed the onça, ramming his knee on the lupine's chin.

The humanmaid could only watch as the fight approached an apparent close, even faster than the fight against the snake gang. Her "boyfriend" had won, in less than two minutes.

(WARPUNWARPWHAMWARPUNWARPWHAMWARPUNWARPWHAMWARPUNWARPWHAMWARPUNWARPWHAM...!)

D-Boy didn't know that cats could move so fast, or punch so hard. He would have turned on his shield to counter the Anathema's powers, but then realised that he _wasn't_ using any powers, for he sensed no magical or demonic energy from him at all. And he was moving too fast for him to block. So fast was he moving, that the canid couldn't even drop to the ground in any direction, because when he was punched in one direction, an opposing punch immediately came from the other direction. His ear bandage dropped off at one point, too. He was just a punching bag now! Finally, the onslaught stopped, but only for effect. The felid grabbed his headfur and yanked him to his shaky foot-paws.

(KACHICK)

The next thing the canine knew was that he felt as if giant bees were stinging all over his torso, over and over and over, making him yelp in pain again and again and again.

…afraid, so afraid of bees…

He was so groggy he thought he was still back in the town, at the mercy of the hive, which had now penetrated his ribcage. A sudden pounce from behind coupled with a chokehold brought back to him some consciousness, as he heard the Anathema behind him speak, gasping lightly, "—— perro, joo'rre —— notteeng weetout joorr —— powerrs! Joo'rre a —— fake! Joorr God ees a —— fake! And now joo weel —— joeen joorr —— skonks een my —— stomatch!"

_Ilium_

Huh?

The lupus then realised that the onça's own instincts were being called forth as he felt sharp teeth clamp on his head.

Ilium.

_Kendo, Ryoko, Dear Master, I've failed you all, forgive me—_

_Ilium_

The pressure in his skull was increasing. And from the way the panther was standing behind him with a chokehold, he couldn't even stand fully to try to throw him off.

Mary wept again. The J.A.M. had won, and now he would claim his prize like the feral carnivore he chose to be.

**_Ilium_******

Wait, what? The ilium, the ilium, that was a part of the body, in all vertebrates, the ilium was the medical term for—for—

He imagined Kendo and Ryoko dying the exact same way he was about to, and when he saw it in his mind, when he saw the gruesome death that his friends went through—

**_ILIUM_******

D-Boy suddenly clasped both fists together, and with a powerful back swing, smashed his elbow on The J.A.M.'s right hip, making him release his head with a painful gasp.

Mary flinched, having clearly heard a very loud POP.

But the arctic wolf wasn't done. Still following his swing, he turned and connected both fists on the jaguar's right knee, eliciting another pop, and another painful gasp. The swing continued, and his heel did similarly on the onça's right ankle. Then, before the panther could fall, the lupine double-fisted his chest, almost punching him out of the trench. The felid hit the sharp edge of the pit with his spine, bending back at a horrible angle with a sickening SNAP.

"Thanks, Master," panted the canid, painfully straightening up.

With a horrifying yowl/roar, The J.A.M. slumped to the ground.

Mary drew her gun and was about to jump into the trench—

Wile suddenly grabbed her arms and growled, "He's done for! But come, the machine is ready! You can still save him!"

The Questor looked down at the groggy Terminator with the most intense hatred she could muster. But the Professor was right. She wasn't a villain, and even if she was, that wolf probably had a shield over the trench anyway. Now, however, she had a chance to defeat him, _and_ the toon who did this. "I love you, J.A.M.," she whispered, as she put her gun away and ran back to the laboratory.

His lower body was useless now, and his chest felt as if it had been rearranged, or if something inside was broken, and expanding, making it more and more difficult to breathe. Painfully clawing himself forward, he slowly moved along the trench toward the border; his greasy headfur falling over his face. D-Boy painfully stood beside the downed Anathema, panting, and watching him crawl like a worm. Was he trying to escape?

The rest of the toons ran to the laboratory as well. Wile stuffed some notes under the time machine's keyboard as Calamity made the final adjustments. Mary looked at the pad for a moment, and then looked back outside.

"You'll have nine hours to find him and prepare your plan. We're ready when you are," signed the young carnivore.

She turned and hugged him again. Then, looking into his dark eyes, she said, "Thanks for everything, Cal, and thanks, guys, you all are _truly_ wonderful friends. I hope that in the other timeline the rest may see what we have to offer in friendship, besides our talents. I'll be sure to give you your note, and— Cal," her voice cracked, "if I fail and nothing changes, then—then—" Suddenly remembering, she dug in her pockets for several items. "Here," she told him, handing him The J.A.M.'s watch, kangaroo pouch, and chain with the Cross and Star of David. "Find his family, and give it to them. Tell them it's from a time when he was the best of the good guys."

The latrans examined the items, incredulous. These were from another timeline, from when the onça was a good guy?

Could that piece of garbage _actually have the potential to be_ a good guy?

Looking up, The J.A.M.'s defocused eye noticed a blurry sign. Forcing what little strength he had into it, the sign came into focus.

ESTADOS UNIDOS MEXICANOS – UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

ESTADO DE SONORA – STATE OF ARIZONA

MUNICIPIO DE NOGALES – SANTA CRUZ COUNTY

HEROICA NOGALES – NOGALES

"Debo—" moaned the feline, his eye dilated and glazed, "—regresar a casa—" The canine above him raised an ear and an eyebrow, amazed at the power of feline instincts. Like all felines, when sensing imminent death, they immediately try to return to their place of birth, in order to complete their "circle of life", so to speak. And despite his condition, this feline was determined. He was using his last reserves to at least die in the country he was born. It took him quite some time, but eventually he was dragging himself over the dividing line. Suddenly quivering, he slumped to the ground. "No—todavía—muy lejos—" He reached up one last time, trying to imitate his "girlfriend" and do the scene change trick.

But he didn't know how.

He never learned.

He thought he grabbed something in mid-air, but didn't have the strength to pull it down. Finally, he slumped to his side.

Mary stepped on the pad and closed her eyes.

"Dear God, please let this work."

_I forgive you,_ he remembered. The feel, and scent, of her lips still tingled on his own.

The only female who actually considered marrying him.

True Love.

Despite all he had done.

He didn't deserve that.

And he knew it.

"Hice mal—" he wheezed, "—toda la vida—hice mal—no merezco—ser amado—lo siento—perdónenme—" He looked up, beyond the Alpha Carnivore's head, into the eternal Sunday sky.

Calamity pressed the button, and stepped back from the console. "Good luck, Mary."

"Your life of murder and destruction ends here, feline scum," repeated D-Boy, "Kendo, Ryoko, this one's for you." He aimed his fists at him.

The J.A.M. just looked at him with a clouded eye, noticing his arms powering up, then he looked past him, toward eternity, "—perdóname—y gracias—por el amor—gracias———" It was here where he remembered his brother's final words, spoken just before he crushed his skull; words which he now repeated solemnly.

(WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

The humanmaid and the time machine disappeared in a flash of blue light.

"————Dei Excelsi————Iesus Domine meum—————"

_I forgive you._

He raised his ears.

The last thing the jaguar saw was the beautiful sunrise.

Then everything turned black.

The wolf fired.

* * *

Spanish/Latin - English

Oye¿cómo se —— dice 'retar'? — Listen, how do you —— say 'challenge'?

¿ESTÁS LOCO! — ARE YOU CRAZY!

Pan comido — "Piece of cake" (lit.: "eaten bread")

Luciferi excelsi — Lucifer is great

Dei Excelsi — God is great

Iesus Domine meum — Yeshua is my Master

Perro — Dog

Debo--regresar a casa-- — I must--return home--

No--todavía--muy lejos-- — No--still--too far--

Hice mal--toda la vida--hice mal--no merezco--ser amado--lo siento--perdónenme-- — I did wrong--all (the) (my) life--I did wrong--I don't deserve--to be loved--I'm sorry--forgive me-- — --perdóname----y gracias--por el amor--gracias------

--forgive me----and thanks--for the love--thanks------


	13. Matlak: Only A Scar

MATLAK - ONLY A SCAR

(UNWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

Mary snapped her eyes open, shocked by the sudden cold she felt, and the sudden darkness around her as well. Did she make it? Or was she lost in oblivion?

Slowly, her senses reassured her. She felt cold, but a somewhat humid cold. She also smelled what seemed to be humid ground, as well as soot and car exhaust. And the sounds she heard were of leaves rustling in a light wind, and a motor vehicle or two in the distance. Her eyes adjusted to the dark night, confirming everything else.

She was in Mexico City!

Or a suburb of it, at least. She had noticed that the point that The J.A.M. specified was some distance outside the actual city limits of the capital, but with all the urbanization around here, this whole place was just one big megapolis. She was about to check her GPS again, but then realised that even though she had it, the satellite that provided the signal hadn't been launched yet. A shiver jolted her, reminding her that it was now late January. And despite being in the tropics, the altitude was so high that here winter was winter, sans the snow, naturally. Looking up, she saw a partly cloudy sky with no moon. She wished she had taken astronomy classes to calculate the exact date she was in, and being midnight, there would be no newspapers to check yet. Finally, the streetlights came into her field of vision. She was finally able to see where she was standing, namely, a T-crossing. It was a residential area, with houses of all shapes and sizes, and species as well, for as she walked down the street, she saw not only human houses, but also caves, huge trees, barns, and holes in the ground, all with modern styling. Well, it was certainly a much better place than Tip—Trip—that other place where The J.A.M. had his base. Speaking of which, she wondered which house was his—

Oh no.

He may have given Calamity the coordinates, but he never specified the address!

Well, she had nine hours to find the right house, but would that be enough? The Questor walked down several streets, finding them all deserted, and with no clue as to which house was The J.A.M.'s. Sure, she knew his real last name now, but not all the mailboxes had the family's name on them—EEP!

She dove between a parked car and a shrub and pressed herself against the pavement, as if trying to shrink, just as a police cruiser rounded the corner. She held her breath and tried to slow down her racing heart, afraid that it might be heard even over the cruiser's engine. The car passed and turned the corner, but she held still for nearly an hour, too scared even to think of sleeping. But finally, the stress of the entire quest got to her, and she began to doze off—

NO! She couldn't risk falling asleep, not now when she was so close to ending her quest, and much less in such a cold night! She stood and dusted off, and continued her search. After a while, she wondered if there were any 24-hour stores around, or at least a phone booth with a phone book. That way, she would be able to find his address—

Aha! What luck! There was a phone booth right next to that white school building! She ran to it—

But there was no phone book.

Okay, don't panic. There should be a 24-hour store around here somewhere—

And with all the nocturnal species living here, there was. She ran inside and found a surprised clerk, an opossum, who looked at her as if she were an alien. "¿Qué se le ofrece?" he asked.

She had no idea what he said except for "what", and had no idea what to reply, so she stuttered, "Um, tele-phono," one hand near her head while moving the other as if she were leafing through a book. For a moment, the clerk just looked at her oddly, but seemed to understand. He reached under the counter and pulled out a large phone book. "Grashas," she sighed, as she took it to a table.

"De nada."

Now came the hard part. She knew what the family's real last name was, but when she flipped to the corresponding page, she gasped when she saw about fifty other families with that same last name! Okay, okay, don't panic. She now had—she glanced at her watch—seven hours before the incident. Now, let's think rationally. There were fifty families here with that name, but not all of them lived in this particular neighbourhood. So, she got out a pen and marked off those names. Sheesh, this would have been easier if The J.A.M. had already told her his parents' real first names! Okay, this left about twenty families. She copied the addresses on another paper she pulled out, and with a tired sigh, flipped the book closed.

Man, she _had_ to get some sleep.

But not yet. That other toon could already be here! The humanmaid rushed the book back to the clerk, thanked him as best as she could, "Grashas," and dashed off.

"De nada," he repeated. Back outside, the aggravation increased, because all the streets had the names of cities, and they were in no particular order. Oh well, she had to start somewhere: first family, in Paris #220. That house was apparently a rabbit habitation, since it was a hole in the ground. Also, there was no dry Christmas tree outside. Okay, that would be another way of checking them off: no Christmas tree, no jaguars. Next house: Madrid #43…

On and on she searched, crossing out houses that didn't conform to a feline habitat, and houses that had already disposed of their Christmas trees. And on and on she ran through the district, without a map, frantically searching for street names, and hiding from the police, until dawn came upon her again. She then saw a lone street sweeper—an old male spotted skunk—trudge along the street, sweeping up stray gift-wrappings. Panicking again, she saw other toons emerge and leave for their workplaces, and a few start to open the few stores in the area. Drat, she now had less than an hour to go! She stopped to catch her breath in a small park, which was in front of the school she saw earlier. If she didn't find The J.A.M.'s house soon—

(UNWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

A blue flash on her left made her hide behind a tree. Peeking, she saw a ball of blue light fade away, revealing the female toon she saw in Calamity's original laboratory, still wearing the same attire.

Elmyra?

No, Elmyra had red hair, and this toon had brown hair. Also, Elmyra had the ultimate ditz face, and this other toon seemed to be quite intelligent, and determined. So determined, it seemed, that as soon as she materialised, this toon turned and started walking away from the school, without looking to the right or left.

Could she know where The J.A.M. lived?

Sneaking around trees and bushes, Mary followed the brunette and saw her cross the street. She followed on the opposite sidewalk, hiding behind utility poles and automobiles. Then she saw her stop in front of a large tree house, which had an orange car parked under it, and a dry Christmas tree on the ground. The Caucasian toon then pulled out what appeared to be a palm-top.

Oh dear.

The Questor panicked again, hiding behind a parked car. She pulled out her sheet, and saw that one of the addresses coincided with the tree house! That villain had found The J.A.M.'s home! _Now_ how was she supposed to stop her? All right, stay calm and think: if neither of them were here, then The J.A.M. will get a severe injury near his eye, but not actually lose it. This toon was going to do something that would make sure that he lost his eye, so Mary had to do something that would make the brunette think that the jaguar had lost his eye—

But what could she do?

She then saw the toon take a branch from the dry tree, and pull something from her pocket. Like the proper toon she was, the African-American reached behind her and pulled out a pair of binoculars to see exactly what the other teenager was doing.

And what she saw made her shiver more than the January weather had.

Not to mention it made her turn red with a fury she had never felt before.

The brunette was happily attaching a FISHING HOOK to the tip of the branch!

Dear God, what possible crime would The J.A.M., her _true_ boyfriend, do to this toon in the future that would merit something like THIS? Elmyra couldn't help but hug everything to death, and Montana always had money in mind whenever he attacked, but not even that brat was evil enough to kill, dismember, or much less mutilate another toon to get his way. True, he _did_ try to skin her boyfriend, but even that was just a temporary situation.

She glanced at her watch and saw that she had less than 30 minutes to go.

Okay, think: to make that toon think that her plan worked, she would need to pull off something that would make the jaguar _look_ as if he had lost an eye—but what could she do? Mary turned away and faced the large blue house that was across her boyfriend's home. And it also had a dry Christmas tree waiting for the sanitation department.

Idea: she quietly pulled off a branch from this tree, hoping that it was the same length that the other toon was using. Peeking from behind the car, she saw the Caucasian working very carefully, and happily, on her branch. Okay girl, you want blood? You're going to see blood. The African-American reached behind her and pulled out a deflated brown balloon. Reaching again, she pulled out a small bottle of Acme®™ Fake Blood, and filled the balloon without making it swell. Then, carefully, she attached the balloon to the tip of the branch. If this worked, then The J.A.M.'s big brother, The R.I.C.K., would play right along and convince that brunette that he indeed punctured his brother's eye.

The question was now: how was she going to switch that villain's branch with her own?

Peeking again, the Questor saw that the other toon was still fumbling with her branch. Obviously fishing hooks and pine branches didn't mix. But eventually, the Elmyra look-alike held the branch in front of her and smiled with satisfaction. She even gave it a few practice swings to make sure that the hook didn't fall off. Finally, to mask the hook, she pulled out a small can of aerosol paint and sprayed the hook with the exact same shade of brown as the rest of the branch.

Perfect.

She held it up for a few minutes, waiting for the paint to dry, and finally placed it again on the exact same spot she found it. Now to hide!

This was Mary's chance. The moment that the villain turned and walked away to find a hiding spot, she pulled down the scenery and found herself right next to the lethal branch. Without letting go of the scenery, she dropped her branch, picked up the lethal branch, and pulled up the scenery again.

The Caucasian turned at the sound, but seeing nothing, she dismissed it as the rustling of leaves.

The African-American remained behind the car and saw the villain take a post behind a hedge. Well, now it was a matter of time before the next event triggered everything.

Fifteen minutes later, more and more kids, cubs, pups, and kittens emerged from their homes to play in their front yards with their recently acquired toys. Then, both teenagers held their breath as a door opened in the tree trunk.

Pedalling a red tricycle, wearing a green t-shirt that was actually his size—though it rode up his wide stomach—headfur neatly trimmed to his head, not much taller than a car tire, was the third oldest jaguar cub of the family.

Upon seeing him, Mary nearly cooed at his cuteness, but smiled tenderly instead. She felt like picking him up and cuddling him, perhaps not Elmyra-style, but more like she would to a plush toy, or perhaps Furrball. She then saw The J.A.M.—golly, she couldn't believe that this cub would one day become her boyfriend!—ride the tricycle all around the tree. Then, her attention was brought to the front of the tree again, as an older male cub, wearing a blue t-shirt, emerged. And he seemed quite miffed, as his low ears and swishing tail showed. It was the first time she had seen The R.I.C.K. in person, she realised. She wondered what he looked like now—

A growl interrupted her pondering, followed by some kiddie voices. The Questor was surprised when she heard the cubs because they weren't speaking in Spanish as she expected. She wasn't sure what language they were using; perhaps it was the local Native American language—Aztec, was it?—or perhaps they were speaking in Feline? Wait—yes, they _were_ speaking in Feline! Recently, her boyfriend had mentioned to her a few phrases in Feline—including some terms of endearment—and she understood a few words from the cubs. And what a cute voice The J.A.M. had! He must have had a bleep of a time during puberty when his voice changed into the deep tone she knew. But that wasn't relevant now. She knew that The R.I.C.K. was demanding that his brother get off his tricycle, and The J.A.M. just stuck his tongue out at him.

"Mewr growl gr gr yowl hiss growl!" repeated the firstborn.

"Yowl-yowl growl-growl _yowl yowl_!" mocked the thirdborn. Enraged, the elder cub's fur turned red, just as the younger cub wheeled the tricycle around and began pedalling away.

Oh no, here it comes!

The R.I.C.K. scanned the ground for a moment and snatched the first weapon he saw.

Mary held her breath and looked away.

Dakota Dee leaned closer.

(WHACK!)

Mary flinched, as if she had been hit as well. Then, her fingers and toes curled when she heard the most gut-wrenching feline yowl she had ever heard, practically yanking tears from her eyes. Looking up again, she saw the younger cub covering his eye, while his brother stood back in shock, incredibly pale.

The dripping branch fell from his paw.

(UNWARPUNWARP!)

Seconds later, two adult jaguars clad in brown bathrobes, and one with long headfur and apparently pregnant, suddenly appeared outside the house. The Questor was surprised for a moment to finally see her boyfriend's parents, but the cub's wailing was tearing her apart. She wanted to run over there and hold him, comfort him, just _do_ something to calm him down—

"GASP!"

Now it was the mother's—The R.R.O.S.I.E., Mary remembered—turn to pale and flatten her ears when she saw the damage. She quickly exchanged Feline words with the father—The T-M.A.N.—and then (WARP!) commanded The R.I.C.K. something. The cub hastily ran to the car, opened the passenger door, and held it open while the mother carefully picked up the injured one. Mary noticed that the father was no longer there, but then he suddenly re-emerged from the front door holding two younger cubs, one male and one female, while a slightly older female cub padded out by herself—

His sisters! The ones he said that got sick, committed suicide, and died in birth! They were still alive! Would they be safe now?

The T-M.A.N. then locked the door and stuffed the cubs into the car. Panterita, meanwhile, continued to weep for the injured cub even though she was still analysing the family. She counted five cubs, deducing that Number Six would be born later this year, and Number Seven would appear sometime later. A typical Latin American family. None of them wore gold chains with a Cross or a Star of David; that would come just a bit later—

Her analysis stopped when she saw the other female emerge from her spot. And she couldn't believe what she saw: that brunette had her hands on her hips, and had the most gruesomely smug expression on her face.

But what really burned Mary up was the fact that her opponent was _smiling_.

And with her job well done, the look-alike turned and walked away. Something overcame Mary at this point, making her stand fully and ignore the other cubs that were gathering near the tree, and the squeal of tires as the orange car raced away.

That female toon had the clearest intention of dismembering her boyfriend.

That female toon did what was in her power to cause him to turn evil.

That female toon wanted to destroy his body _and_ soul.

True, Mary had spoiled her plans, but how did she know that this evil toon wouldn't try anything else again?

No.

She had to stop her _permanently_.

Slowly, she reached into her body pocket and pulled out her pistol.

That toon _must_ be destroyed.

That arctic wolf was obviously on a mission to destroy evil, hence, his remarkable persistence in wanting to destroy the impenitent jaguar. Did that mean that this evil humanmaid, too, was impenitent? Did her smug smile, generated because she thought that she had helped pull an eye out of _a little kid_, mean that she was beyond rehabilitation? Did the fact that this evil person didn't blink an eye when she saw her plan of _child abuse_ be fulfilled, mean that she was an Anathema as well?

Mary followed the brunette, hiding behind cars and poles again.

Who knows what more evil this corrupted humanmaid could do to other children in the future?

The Questor knelt behind a rampart and drew a bead on the toon's head, as she walked into the park.

Her hands weren't trembling.

No, this was for justice. She would destroy evil, remove whatever device the evil toon had to control the time machine, and scene-change herself to Acme Acres.

This look-alike would _not_ harm her boyfriend again.

_Don't do it._

Huh?

No, she _had_ to do it! Isn't this what lovers do to defend each other? Destroy the sources of attack? Destroy the attackers? Destroy the enemy? Destroy—

_Don't do it._

But—but—true, Mary _wasn't_ a villain, and true, this was also something that _villains_ did, but didn't good guys _also_ have situations like this? Like in a war—?

_Are you in a war?_

That was a good question. Was she in an open conflagration against someone who was bent on destroying everything she knew was good? Did that justify Mary's own intentions?

_Don't do it._

Yes. She had to destroy evil. This evil teenager would go unpunished if Mary did nothing, and worse, she would very likely continue hurting others: other cubs.

_Don't do it._

Her fingers tightened.

_Don't do it._

But if Mary killed her now, would the brunette be dead in the other timeline as well, or just here? And if no one knew about this except Mary, would this action be effective in deterring others from doing something like this?

_Don't do it._

Or, was she doing this out of hate for the female toon?

_Don't do it._

Hate, she knew, was what drove villains forward. She wasn't allowed to hate a villain, just the evil within the villain. Could she destroy evil without harming the villain, so that the villain would no longer be one?

_Don't do it._

Had _she_ talked to the evil toon, as deeply as she did with the evil jaguar?

_Don't do it._

Had she found out what drove this villain forward, and what had caused her to turn to the Dark Side, just as she found out with the evil jaguar?

_Someone waits for her._

And could someone love the villain despite her being evil, as much as Mary loved the Anathema?

_Learn._

Did the Questor want to be a Terminator, like that wolf?

_I have judgment ready for her. I will do this. I will avenge. The J.A.M. is safe. It's time to go._

Quietly sobbing, she lowered her gun, just as the brunette pulled out a remote. Mary hung her head and put her gun away, (WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!) not noticing the blue flash. She remained in the edge of the park for a few minutes, just crying to herself, and thanking God that today was Saturday and no toons were crowding the school. After a while, she stood, and looked back at the tree house in the distance. Some youngsters were outside playing, and a few were apparently asking where the jaguar family went. She then realised that Professor Coyote's theory was incorrect: that villain only attacked The J.A.M., but there was no one else around that could possibly be J or M. She wondered who they were—

OH NO! That brunette probably went to another time to destroy the others! And Mary blew her chance to stop her!

_They are safe too. It's time to go._

Or, maybe not, she sighed, suddenly feeling confident and peaceful about the whole thing. She walked back to the blue house and picked up the branch with the fishing hook. Looking at the horizon for a moment, she knew that her boyfriend hadn't lost an eye, and that all that would remain of this day would be only a scar. With a satisfied sigh, she broke off the tip and threw it into a storm drain, and tossed the branch beside the dry tree.

And somehow, she knew that somewhere, sometime, J and M, whoever they may be, were safe as well.

Finally, she jumped, and pulled down the scenery of Acme Acres.

* * *

Spanish - English 

¿Qué se le ofrece? - May I help you? (lit.: what is offered to you?)

De nada - You're welcome (lit.: of/for nothing)


	14. Matlakze: Quests End

MATLAKZE - QUEST'S END

She forgot, though, that the scene change allowed her to travel through space, but not through time. This she realised when she saw the huge sign in front of her that proclaimed:

In Project

ACME ACRES

Coming soon!

Drat, that meant that the Looniversity hadn't been built yet! Instead, everything was just an open field, with tree clusters all around. It seemed that Professor Coyote forgot that Acme Acres was still in the designing stages right now! How was she supposed to find him now and give him his note—?

The note!

Yes! If she could find Lightning and Calamity with their postcards, then there was a chance that she would be able to find Professor Coyote with his note to himself! She pulled it out, and took a deep breath, once again praying that this would work. She jumped, closed her eyes, and pulled down the scenery again, wondering where she would end up. Los Angeles? Burbank? Malibu?

She opened her eyes.

The desert?

She guessed that Professor Coyote preferred his natural habitat to fancy houses. She looked around and saw that the area was filled with canyons, cliffs—

And _caves_.

The cave behind her, she noticed, had a front door. Well, here goes nothing. She rang the doorbell and waited a moment or two, and then a minute or two, and then ten, and then twenty. She rang again, but he still didn't answer. So, she sat in front of the door and waited for him.

"Excuse me, young lady?"

The next thing Mary knew was that she was lying on her side, and a large brown paw was shaking her awake. Suddenly she sat up—

She hoped for the briefest moment that the entire ordeal had been a dream, but her surroundings told her different. Furthermore, it was around noon. But what was most important was that the elder coyote was standing next to her!

"Professor Coyote! Am I glad to see you!" she exclaimed, jumping to her feet and hugging him.

"Um, young lady," he lowered his ears and fidgeted in her grasp, "might I ask who you are and what someone like you is doing in such a desolate place such as this, _and_ blocking my doorway? And why did you call me 'Professor'? I'm a Genius, but I don't teach."

Oops. Embarrassed, she released him, remembering that in this particular time they hadn't met yet. "Um, sorry, Prof—um—Mister Coyote. I realise that you don't know me—um, yet—but I'm sure that this will explain everything." She handed him the note, and he raised an eyebrow when he saw that it went like this:

Ethelbert!

Our time travel theory was correct! Unfortunately, interfering with the timeline has brought about horrendous repercussions in the space-time continuum! This young lady has travelled back to your time to correct an event that _another_ toon artificially brought about, which created an alternate timeline resulting in the demise of a fellow carnivore. If you're reading this, that means that the young lady in front of you was successful in correcting the timeline, but now she needs your help to return to her own time, which is your future. Don't worry, you're quite healthy in the future, and are working with this young lady, along with all your friends, in a most interesting place that will be built later on. I sent the time machine with her, but to a separate place. I'm sure you remember our hideout near Hoover Dam?

Help this young lady in everything you can. I left instructions in the time machine for you so you can operate it with no problems, and I'm sure you'll be impressed with the technology that will be developed in the future.

Deepest regards from your future self,

Wile Ethelbert Coyote

P.S.: Call your mother.

For a while, the coyote read and re-read the note, drooping one ear, and then letting his jaw swing open in disbelief, and he even included a squeaking hinge effect. He turned away for a moment; his genius brain having come to a complete halt. "Prof—I mean—Mister Coyote? I know this is difficult for you to believe and I know that it sounds like a hoax, but—"

"This—" he pondered, "this is my pawriting, my middle name, and—(sniff)—egad, my scent as well! But if all of this is true, then—then—" he turned to her, "that means that you're—you're from the future?"

The humanmaid nodded. "You really helped us—helped me—a lot—in this mission—um—you _will have helped_ us—" she giggled, "so I might as well say thank you."

It was then when the male noticed something. He took the female's left arm and leaned down to examine her watch. "Digital?" he gasped, and gasped again when he saw the date. "Oh—oh my—I was right—I mean—I _will be_ right—" He had to sit down, and he did, right in front of his door. Looking at her again, he struggled in his mind to come to terms with everything, and finally realised that he had work to do. "Um, yes, yes. Come right in. We have to get everything ready." He led her inside, and turned on the lights. Mary saw that the equipment was just a tad cruder and less sophisticated than Calamity's laboratory, but it wasn't cluttered as she expected it to be. Instead, the laboratory was set apart from the living quarters, where she was being led. "Please, take a seat. I'll make the necessary arrangements." The Genius padded to the kitchen, while the Questor was glad to finally sit down in a comfortable couch that didn't reek of tobacco, alcohol, or body fluids. "Since you just finished your mission, and from your appearance, and—um—scent—I will deduce that you're extremely exhausted and dehydrated. Therefore, I will prepare you some ref—"

The humanmaid was out like a log.

The canid realised that he was going to need help for this, so he went to his _rotary phone_ and called up some assistance.

Mary yawned, feeling warm and comfortable, and pulled on her covers a bit. The smell of pancakes helped bring her out of her slumber, so she stirred and pulled the covers off her head. It was still dark, she noticed, and was about to go back to sleep, but her digestive tract seemed to dislike that idea. Then, she saw someone in the darkness. "M-mom?"

"You're finally awake, I see."

The humanmaid smiled, "Oh, mom, I just had the weirdest and longest dream."

"I'm sure you did, hun. Now, come on, you'll tell us all about it at dinner."

She stretched and chuckled. "I dreamed someone went back in time to destroy—"

_Dinner?_

She reached over to her bedside table to check her watch, and suddenly realised that it wasn't there, and that she was _still_ wearing her watch. "Huh? This isn't my r—"

The light turned on.

Mary nearly screamed when she saw an old brown female coyote standing next to the light switch. The coyote lady was not just old, but old _fashioned_: she wore a blue nineteenth century full body dress with a matching hat, which held a lavender feather. Her grey headfur was tied up in a bun behind her head, and the tip of her muzzle supported a pair of frameless horn-rimmed bifocals, through which looked a pair of amber eyes. Glancing everywhere else, the Questor's heart raced when she saw that she was on a couch, which was apparently inside a cave. She threw the covers off and saw that she still had her shirt and pants, but not her shoes. What the bleep—?

"Who are you?" she demanded.

The elder female smiled and replied, "I'm Wile's mother. He called me and told me he had an unexpected guest. Since you are female, he knew that he would need female help in order to take care of you."

This helped calm the Questor down, and disappointed her; too, since this meant that she was still in the past. "Oh—okay—um—Mrs. Coyote—I'm—I'm pleased to meet you—" she stood to shake her paw, "I'm—sorry that I—uh—thought you were—um—I'm a bit confused—"

"Aw, don't you go apologising for that, deary. Sleeping for thirty hours non-stop will do that to anyone, but I made sure you were tucked in."

"Yes, I understand it can—**_THIRTY HOURS!" _**she screamed, finally.

The mother remained calm. "You must have had a gruelling quest for you to get so exhausted. My word, not even cats sleep that long!"

"N—no, I'm sure they don't—" her brain was still trying to catch up, it seemed.

"Well, now, child, since you're all rested up, it's time to get cleaned up before dinner, and then Wile can send you home."

Mary then noticed something, "Say, where _is_ Prof—um—Wile?"

"Reviewing his notes, it seems. He said something about a space-time disruption theory, but let him work. I got the bathroom ready for you." The canid led her down a hall, and stopped at a door in particular. "Go in and give me your clothes so I can wash them. After all, you don't want to face your boyfriend again smelling like a bum, do you?" she smiled with a spark in her eye.

This seemed logical. "No, I don't. I really can't remember when I last—————_how did YOU know I have a boyfriend!"_ demanded the omnivore, angrily eying the aged carnivore.

Mrs. Coyote kept her ears up, gave another sly smile, leaned down, and whispered in Mary's ear, "You talk in your sleep, hun." At that, the humanmaid blushed incredibly, wondering just what words had escaped her lips as she slept. The female latrans winked, "Don't worry, dear. Wile didn't hear you, and I won't tell anyone."

"Um—thanks," she replied, still blushing, as she stepped inside and closed the door. Moments later, the teenager stuck out her hand and gave the elder her clothes, and she handed her a new white towel. Smiling, Mrs. Coyote padded to the washroom.

_(Author's note: just so you know, this scene is shot from the shoulders up.)_

Mary closed her eyes, leaned her hands on the wall tiles, and let the water soak her hair and splash her face. Though the last time she did this was no more than three days ago, from the feel of the water cooling her and washing away sweat, dirt, sand, and soot, she might as well have very much been a bum. She would rather be soaking in her own tub in her own bathroom, naturally, but this would have to do.

Remembering those Michael J. Fox movies, she wondered if any _other_ pictures had changed, since the ones she had did not. Come to think of it, when that female villain thought she had succeeded in making The J.A.M. lose an eye, she did _not_ pull out a picture to verify that. Was she just intent on making her boyfriend suffer? Were the changes going to be finalised when the brunette caught up with J and M, whoever they might be?

Or, had _her_ own efforts been futile, and nothing had changed with The J.A.M., and he was still an Anathema in the future?

Fear overcame her again—no, _terror_ overcame her again. How did she know that her boyfriend did _not_ lose an eye, if his big brother used a different branch than what he was supposed to use? Had the branch been too short or too long? How did she know that the evil toon did _not_ pull out a picture in the seconds when Mary wasn't looking? Had anything _truly_ changed? Had _she_ changed anything, if at all, back to how it was supposed to be? Or even worse, had she changed things, but _not_ to the way they were before? Had they been changed into something much more terrible? How many lives had the Anathema destroyed in _this_ third timeline? How many more toons been pulled into his life of perversion? Had the _bit players_ been pulled into his circle? How many more authorities had been bribed? And even worse: how many more Terminators had been assigned to destroy him this time?

_Stop that. You're getting paranoid,_ she thought. _The J.A.M. is okay. He **didn't** lose an eye. Everything is back to normal._

Though try as she might, she couldn't get rid of the thoughts of doubt, fear, and destruction. She had seen too much of that recently, and it was all practically embedded in her brain. It looked like she would need plenty of counselling when she returned. _Anyone_ would need counselling after going through what she did, no matter how loony or crazy they might be. There was a conflict inside her: part of her wanting to feel peace, while the other part kept asking questions that she could not answer, and those questions brought turmoil that pushed away the peace. How she wished she could talk to any of her friends now.

_Did I succeed? Did I save J.A.M.? Did I defeat that girl? Will the time machine work again? Will any of this happen again? Will—_

"You all right in there, hun?"

Mary nearly slipped on the tiles by the sudden knock and question. Leave it to furry toons _not_ to use non-slip pads on their shower stalls. "Um, yes, Mrs. Coyote!" she replied, washing herself. "I'll be out in a minute!"

"Take your time in there. You have all the time in the world now!"

The Questor looked up and sighed.

Could that be true? Could she _really_ have succeeded?

The only way to find out was to finish up here, and then march to that time machine.

Mrs. Coyote had the laundry ready long before Mary was finished, thanks to her son's quick-wash and quick-dry washer and dryer, so she was able to finish cooking the teenager's dinner. Later, she padded up to the open bathroom door, where the re-dressed humanmaid was attaching her hair ribbon. "Dinner's ready, hun," she told her, making Mary smile.

As she followed her to the kitchen, the Questor asked, "Mrs. Coyote?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I—I know you don't know me—but thank you for trusting me, and letting me trust you, and for this favour. If I can—"

"You're welcome, hun. But come on; don't let your dinner get cold!"

"Mrs. Coyote," she insisted, "I know I'm just a student now, but if later on, you ever need my help—"

"You want me to call you without hesitation because you'll do whatever you can to help me?" she asked, stopping in her tracks and leaning down to look at her.

"Yes," replied the teenager with conviction, looking at the mother's amber eyes. "It would be the least I can do for all the trouble you went throu—"

An index paw-digit on her lips silenced the humanmaid. "Honey, think of all this as a favour to a fellow carnivore, or a carnivore and an omnivore, if you will. Also, it's been ages since I was asked for help of this kind. I love doing this, sugar; it reminds me that I'm important. I haven't felt like this since my last day at the weapons factory in '45!"

Mary was surprised at that, but understood the elder. When she straightened up, she replied, "O—okay, Mrs. Coyote. Thank you." With that, she gave the canid a powerful hug to express her gratitude, which was gladly returned.

Dinner was a simple affair, though it looked more like breakfast due to all the pancakes and cereal, which was complemented by broiled steak and fruits. Both carnivores were surprised at how much this young omnivore could eat in one sitting, and wondered when was the last time she ate and just how much energy she had spent on her quest. Finally, the African-American was done, and was about to take the dishes to the sink, but the elder stopped her. "Now, now, child, don't worry about those. You go with Wile so he can get you back, okay?"

"Whatever you say, Mrs. Coyote," she replied, hugging her again. "And thanks again! See you in the future!"

"Any time, dear. See you later!"

The Questor turned and walked to the Genius, held his paw, and stated, "Okay, Pro—Mister Coyote. I'm ready." The male nodded, reached up, and pulled down the scenery.

The lights of Hoover Dam were quite breathtaking tonight. She would one day return here with The J.A.M. to admire the sight, even if she had to drag him here. Turning, she saw Wile pad up to a rock wall, press some rocks in a certain sequence, and stand back. Then, a portion of the rock wall slid underground with a low rumble, revealing a hidden cave inside. Mary gasped, naturally, but he just stood there as if this was an everyday event. It wasn't until both went inside and he turned on the lights when the coyote decided to gasp.

The time machine!

The female saw his amber eyes widen and his ears lower with surprise, as if he were a puppy getting his Christmas present. The elder male padded all around it, trying to digest what was before him. "I—" he stuttered, "I built this?"

"Well, a student of yours came up with the blueprints, and you helped him build it," she replied, walking inside.

"S-student of mine?" he queried. Would he actually pass on his knowledge to another generation?

"Yes. He's a great friend of mine, and of my boyfriend. He learned a lot from you." She walked up to the machine as the canine ran his paw along the CPU.

"A _micro-computer_?" he gasped. "Did my student also come up with that?"

"Oh, no," she replied, retrieving the notes from under the keyboard. "A human did, but I'm sure your student would have done it first if he had been born earlier. These are for you, from you." The canid took and read the instructions, quite shocked at first, as if he were reading a revolutionary science-fiction novel. But then, his genius brain took over, treating the time machine like a new device of his own invention. Mary saw him turn serious and focused, and then begin to work. She, too, helped with the installation by checking connections and hooking up cables. It wasn't as complex as she thought it would be, after all, the time machine just needed a power source.

"Turn on the CPU," read Wile while throwing the main switch. The humanmaid sat in front of the monitor, activated the computer, and ran the controller program while the canid watched in silent surprise. "Did _you_ help my student with the program as well?"

"Huh? Uh, no, actually, I didn't."

The male raised an eyebrow and lowered an ear. "What? Then how is it that you know how to use this?"

The female sighed, "Where I come from, 'micro-computers' are practically in every home. Since they use a visual-based operating system, it's easy to learn."

"Egad. I wish I could just keep the CPU and see what wonders will have been built in the future!"

"Heh. You'd need an electron microscope to see the inside of the components close up!"

"But I _do_ have one of those," he said.

Figures. "Um, sure, but by the time you figure ALL of them out, the components will very probably have been invented already."

Both his ears lowered at that. "Perhaps you're right. And according to the notes, I will eventually tell my student what to do with this thing so that no more space-time disruptions occur."

"That's good to hear!" the teenager sighed again. "I really _don't_ want to go through this again."

The screen then asked for the time and coordinates, and the coyote padded up to type them from the notes. "I see that my future self also wants the time machine in the future. Oh, well, I suppose I will be right. Keeping it here for such a long time would be too risky." He added more instructions, which would make the time machine go to the future as well. Both then sat and waited, and five minutes later the machine signalled it was ready, just as the lights dimmed in the cave, and outside. The elder glanced at the entrance and said, "I hope the power outage doesn't last long."

"Me too." She stood, and looked at him again. "Thanks for everything, Mister Coyote. I'll try to be a better student of yours from now on."

The Genius did a double take and gasped, "What? You mean that _you_ are my student as well?"

"I'm _one_ of them," she smiled, stepping on to the pad. "But you haven't met your _top_ student yet."

"O-one of them?" he stuttered, wondering just _what_ would happen in the future, as he prepared to activate the time circuits. Mary quivered with expectation now that everything was almost over. And soon she would see if everything had returned to what it was supposed to be. She was about to see the pictures again, but then remembered that they had remained unchanged because of the original incident, according to Wile.

Or, had The J.A.M. been safe all along because her quest had already been successfully finished?

Oh well, she'd let the Geniuses ponder on that one.

Wile put his paw on the "enter" key.

"Thanks again, Professor. See you in a little bit!"

"See you in a few years," he replied, smiling.

This was it.

Mary closed her eyes, "Dear God, please let this work, and please let everything be as it was!"

Wile pressed "enter", and padded back.

A blue light engulfed the humanmaid, and then the entire machine.

(WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

And with the sound of several hundred people slowly saying "warp" while gargling, both disappeared, leaving behind a bewildered coyote.


	15. Matlakume: Reboot

MATLAKUME - REBOOT

(UNWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

Mary was disoriented again. She guessed that time travel took some getting used to, but right there she decided that time travel was something she was definitely _not_ going to get used to. Slowly, again, she took in her surroundings. It was morning once more, but this time, she was standing on a small field. In front of her was a city, and behind her was a forest.

Oh no, where was she now? Where did Wile send her?

But then, she began recognising, and remembering. The city in front of her had a familiar skyline.

No GPS was needed here.

Acme Acres!

That meant that behind her was _Acme Forest_!

So, she turned, and RAN.

This wasn't your average running, however: she was doing the pinwheel take! And from her point of view, it looked like she was going through the speeder chase from "Return of the Jedi". On and on she ran, letting no tree, bush, or boulder get in her way. Her heart raced like never before, nearly bursting with anticipation, anxiety, and even terror at what she would find. Finally, she arrived at Calamity's laboratory, panting, but not exhausted.

Had everything returned to normal?

She looked around, but there was no Century 22 sign anywhere. Instead, there was a sign that read "Private Property". Was her coyote friend still there?

A blue light suddenly lit up inside and faded away just as quickly. Looking inside, she saw a several lights and shadows, and heard several voices.

"Mary?"

She froze at the sound of that voice.

"What happened?"

"Mary?"

Her name was spoken by a deep voice.

"Where did she go?"

"Bleep it, NO! MARY!"

And in perfect English, and without blatant curses embedded in the phrase. Could it be him?

"Fifi, are you okay?"

"Híjole, dat was weerd!"

"Get up, Sneezer. We've got WORK TO DO!"

…silence…

"You're right, Cal. Guys, come on. She couldn't have gone too far." Yes, the deep voice that was free of distortion, growling, and evil, but it had a tone of deep worry in it. And though it had only been three days, it seemed to her as if she hadn't heard that voice in a lifetime.

The pinwheel spun again.

The jaguar didn't even have time to emerge from the cave. He was barely halfway toward the entrance when suddenly (THUD!) something collided with him and set him flat on his back. Or almost flat, since whatever collided with him had arms that were under him now. He was about to panic, thinking that someone, or something, had learned and copied his warp, but then he calmed down when he saw and smelled someone familiar. "Huh? What? Panterita?"

Panterita looked down, and saw _both_ of his eyes now. Gently, she reached up and touched the fur around his left eye, and brushed it aside.

Only a scar was left.

"Um, Panterita, you know I love you, but we kinda have an audience here."

Her gaze fell into his orange eyes, and she smiled as she wept once again. "F-Furrycoat, say that again."

"I said that we kinda have an audi—"

"No! Before that!" she chuckled.

"You know I love you?"

She didn't blush, despite knowing there was an audience. "I love you—so much—but—before that."

He thought for a moment, and said, "What, 'Panterita'?"

She shivered, but didn't mind that. "Yes. Say that—always." Not "Negrita", or even "Mary". "Panterita" was her own special name now. But now came the acid test; the trial by fire. "Um—Furrycoat—do you remember when and how you got that scar next to your eye?"

Furrycoat raised an eyebrow. "Panterita, I _told_ you this morning. It happened when I was four, but I can't remember any of it."

Yes! "And—and—do you still hate the one who did that?"

"Mary, please, my brother was just a cub back then. Why would I hold a grudge against him all these years?"

Yes!

She had won.

"You—you're right," she replied, hugging him tighter. "How silly of me to think of such a possibility."

The onça thought about that for a moment, but then dismissed the question, as she had done just now. "Okay, whatever you say, Panterita. But—are you okay?" he asked, as some of her tears fell on him. He brushed them off her face, gently, "Are you hurt? Did the transporter dommmmmmmMMMMMMFFFFF!" The others were somewhat shocked to see Mary plant on him a _very_ serious lip-lock, which caused his eyes to bulge. Seeing them stay like that for some time, they politely turned and padded away. Panterita, on her part, didn't know for how long she kissed him, and didn't really care—

—until he started tasting like dirt.

Suddenly propping herself up, she realised that her boyfriend had experienced a Romantic Meltdown Take. Quickly standing up, she was about to do her giant eyedropper routine, but stopped for a moment when she saw Fifi looking at her.

The skunkmaid was giving her two thumbpaws up, and smiling smugly at her.

Mary blushed, shocked at the intensity of her passion, and thankful that it didn't get out of her control. The female carnivore padded off and left the couple to continue their antics, which they did. The humanmaid shivered for a moment, and then helped the onça return to his normal shape. She couldn't help but chuckle as he teetered with a happily confused expression on his face. At least in _this_ timeline, this would be her boyfriend's first meltdown take.

"Œeeeeeeeeeee," he semi-purred, "Panterita, what was that for?"

She hugged him from the side, "Because you were dead, and now you're alive."

"Dead?" he asked, suddenly serious, lowering his ears. "Don't you mean you _thought_ I was dead?"

She gazed into his eyes, "No. You _were_ dead. I _saw_ you dead. The one you are now—just—just wasn't anymore—but now, you are again. You—you resurrected, Furrycoat."

That still didn't make sense to him. "Ooookayyy—um, you know, I was about to start thinking the same thing about you when you just vanmmmmmMMMMMFFFFF—!—FFFfmmmmmmmmmm…" He really didn't understand what was happening with her right now, but after a while, he decided to raise his ears, just go with the flow, and let her explain later. "PrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr…" Golly, how she had _missed_ that. She ran her hand on his chest over his t-shirt and—

He was wearing his gold chain with the Cross and the Star of David?

Wait a minute, something wasn't right. She suddenly pulled away and lifted his t-shirt—

His leather kangaroo pouch was there? And so was—he grabbed his arm—his watch? "Furrycoat, I thought you dropped these!"

"I did, and I picked them up again." Oh, well, never mind then. Seeing the chain again, something else came to mind. "Um, Furrycoat, I know that this is going to sound non-sequitur, but I need to know something."

"Yes?"

"What do you think of Osama Bin-Laden?"

Yes, that was _definitely_ non-sequitur. "Osama Bin-Laden?" He thought for a bit, and answered, "I don't think much of him, actually, but I just hope that he gets captured, brought to justice, and fried, along with all his followers."

Correct answer. "What about Fidel Castro?" she asked, smiling tenderly.

An eyebrow was raised as he wondered why she was being so tender with him while discussing politics. "I think he's the only one left on this continent who still thinks that communism is a good idea."

Right again! "And Adolph Hitler?"

What was going on here? "It was a shame that he couldn't be brought to justice in Jerusalem. And I can't imagine what logic brought him to decide to order the extermination of six million people simply because of their ancestry."

Yes! "Karl Marx?"

"The guy was an idiot because he tried to change the world when he couldn't even take care of his home."

"Lenin?"

"He was just as bad."

"Stalin?"

"A paranoid dictator just as bad as Hitler."

"Ummmmm—Napoleon?"

"Megalomaniac midget."

"Charles Darwin?"

"A pathetic materialist. Tried to turn a philosophy based on observation and conjecture into a science."

"What about the zodiac and horoscope?"

"It never got it right with me, and besides, it's—" he thought for a moment, "—what, thirty, sixty degrees off?"

Wonderful! "Can you spit for me?"

Now he had to lower his ears and step back at that request. "Mary, what's all this about? You know I can only spit feline-style because I never picked up that disgusting habit! I _still_ don't know how my little brother does it."

And now, "Would you dare repeat anything censurable from Fowlmouth?"

He frowned and swished his tail a bit. "I most certainly would not! I will admit that I've come close a few times, but you _know_ I don't say that kind of stuff! Now, Mary, please tell me: what's going on?"

She sighed, "What's going on is that—that—everything's just fine." There was more to ask, she knew, but she got the picture. She then just held him and put her head on his right shoulder, never wanting to let go. He shrugged, raised his ears, pulled her close, took a deep breath, and purred-sighed loudly as he exhaled.

"You missed me too, Furrycoat?" she asked, relieved that everything was over.

"PrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr—that, and you smell like pancakes. Yum!"

"OH, YOU—!" She punched his shoulder lightly, but then decided to poke his abdomen—

"EEP!"

•which sent him to the ceiling again, tail like a brush. "Well, you _do_!" he called from above. "Did you eat any just now?"

The humanmaid stood back for a moment. Furry olfactory powers strike again! "Um, actually, I did—it's a terribly long story, Furrycoat."

The felid dropped from the ceiling, doing his stop in mid-air with the corresponding sound effects, and landing softly next to her. "Panterita, _what_ happened to you? You were gone for less than a minute! And why would I be dead? It takes more than crazy toons appearing out of nowhere to get rid of me, and you know that."

Embracing him again, the female felt her reply practically gush from her heart, "Furrycoat, to you I may have only been gone for a minute, but I was gone—for a while. The transporter threw me out of this timeline."

His ears flattened in fright. For the first time in a long while, the male heard, and saw, something that actually scared him. "I—I think that would explain why your watch is ten hours ahead—" he suddenly pulled her wrist close, "—and three days?"

Mary, too, stared at her watch, and held up The J.A.M.'s to compare the time and date. "Wow, three days? I thought it was more than that!"

He held her face gently, looked into her beautiful brown eyes, and asked, "Mary, what—what happened?"

"We would like to know too," added Wile, suddenly standing next to them, with Calamity at his side. They, too, inspected the watches, and raised their eyebrows at the time difference.

She sighed, and began, "J.A.M., Cal, Professor, those toons that were here earlier, well, they were trying to travel back in time, or at least that girl was. Furrycoat, you're right: it takes more than a crazy toon to get rid of you, but that girl was an _evil_ toon. She tried to destroy you—and—" she sobbed, "—and she _did_, but I managed to fix that."

"What?" signed the teen coyote. "How were you able to do _that_?"

She hesitated; not wanting to release her love, but eventually did, and gave the young canid his notes from himself. He read them, and naturally, his jaw fell to the ground. The Questor was about to give the Professor his note, but realised that she already had, and then suddenly realised something _else_. "Waittaminute—Professor? Do you—do you remember—um—me?"

The elder latrans eyed the teen with slight exhaustion, sighed, and crossed his arms, "When you left that night, I was filled with hundreds of questions. Had you returned safely? Would you remember _me_? Had any other anomalies resulted from the time travelling? When you first came to the Looniversity, you looked familiar to me, but it wasn't until two weeks later when I realised who you were. I kept it to myself all this time because I knew that if I breathed a word to you or anyone else, horrible paradoxes would result. When Calamity drew the blueprints of the transporter and showed them to me, I never felt so scared in my life. It was _practically_ a time machine, with some components missing. This morning I had the feeling that today was going to be the day when the disruption occurred, which is why I convinced Calamity to let me call you and ask you to come. I knew you had been sent to an alternate timeline, but remembering you all those years ago, I knew you would be okay. From your appearance, though, I thought that you were gone for more than three days as well. But now, you're here, and the events have come full circle. Welcome back, Mary."

The African-American smiled, "Thanks, Professor. But what happened to the three other toons that came with the girl? Are they still in the cave?"

This time, the younger carnivore replied, "I guess they know how to think quadimensionally. When they realised the girl was gone, one of them gave me a note that I'm supposed to read in the future. The moment I grabbed the note, they disappeared. Obviously, the note is to my future self telling me how to retrieve them from this time."

Wow, Michael J. Fox never had it like this. Remembering something else, the female teenager turned to the male elder, "Professor? Um—how's your mother?"

He smiled, "She's doing well. When you were with us, I never saw her happier. She's been trying to help others ever since that day, but there have been few opportunities. It was a relief to see her do something different other than knitting all day long. Though I must say that her chats with Miss Prissy, Granny, and Slappy have become rather nostalgic as of late."

Mary pondered for a moment, feeling nostalgic herself. It was sad that someone with so much to give didn't have many opportunities to do so— "Professor, your mother told me that she worked at a weapons factory in 1945. Did she?"

Wile chuckled, "Oh yes, from '41 to '45. She took the midnight shift right along Red Hot Riding Hood and Slappy. They built cannon shells and other types of munitions, I believe. She had a spark in her eye that didn't shine again until the day you showed up."

"Professor Coyote, do you think you could speak with Principal Bugs about getting her to teach in the Looniversity?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Teach? But what would she teach?"

"American Toon History. Specifically: the role of toons during wars. She would be a wonderful assistant to Professor Honey, and I'm sure she has plenty of tales to tell us, and. And I, for one, would be willing to listen."

The elder carnivore pondered, "Hmmmm, interesting suggestion, Mary. I'll speak to my mother, Bugs, and Honey about it. I'll leave you two now, because I'm sure you have lots to talk about—"

"Wait!"

"Yes?"

"Um, guys, are you three familiar with the—the—uh—Challenge for the Alpha Carnivore Rank?"

The tree carnivores gasped at the question and flattened their ears, and for a moment, Mary thought she heard Fifi and Arnold gasp as well. Wile padded closer and whispered, "Mary, _where_ did you hear that term? That is a _very_ sensitive topic amongst us carnivores! We just _don't_ talk about it openly as if it were the weather! Now, where did you hear that?"

She lowered her head, embarrassed, "Um—sorry, Professor. I won't mention it to anyone else. But I did see a fight between two carnivores for that rank."

"Who?" asked her boyfriend.

The female looked at him with fright, and replied, "I'll—I'll tell you later, okay? I'm still recovering from the shock." The three males sighed with slight relief, and remained quiet.

Finally, the Professor decided to break the awkwardness, "Come on, Calamity. The time machine you built in the other timeline is near Hoover Dam, but we have to figure out what happened to the first time machine, and to those future toons." The two padded away, and Mary heard Wile speak of tracking the anomalies, dismantling, and snatching something from the future.

"I don't think I understood all of that," said The J.A.M. "But you actually _saw_ an ACR battle?"

She held him close and looked at his orange eyes again. "I'll explain everything to you, Furrycoat, don't worry. I didn't understand much about what I saw, or even time travelling, but I will say that the whole thing made me realise just how I _really_ feel about you, and what great friends we have. Also—" she suddenly remembered something else, "—someone—told me that—" she sniffed again, "—that you're a _really_ lucky jaguar."

"Lucky? Why?"

"Lucky—because you have someone who would die for you."

"Someone _did_ die for me," he stated, brushing away her tears. "For _all_ of us. And I wouldn't call that 'luck'; I'd call that 'grace'."

The humanmaid thought about that, and considering that everything returned to normal, had to agree. "You're right. There's no way that everything that happened, including how we met, came about by pure chance. But what you should realise is that _right now_ you have someone, that despite her faults, will _always_ be with you, and is willing to give up her life if that was the only way to make sure you'd live."

The onça stood back at that declaration; realising for the first time the full implications of the events, including the fact that she _could_ have been destroyed in the time disruption, as well as just how deep her feelings were for him, and vice-versa. He raised his ears, "And you, too, have someone who will gladly give his life for you," he added, caressing her cheek. "'Greater love has no one than this:'"

"That a person—or toon—should lay his life down for his friends," Panterita finished, smiling. This was _indeed_ true friendship, brought not by luck, but by grace. No more needed to be said here, so they just embraced, with Mary weeping openly again. After a long while of expressing their affection toward each other, she led The J.A.M. outside to enjoy the beautiful day, and to have an even deeper discussion. "Say, Furrycoat, when do you think I could meet your family?" she asked him, leaning on his shoulder again.

The male was yet again surprised at her question. His ears lowered, "Um—my family? Well," he thought for a moment, "just give me a week's notice. I've sorta got to prepare them to meet you."

The female raised an eyebrow. "What?" she asked, straightening up. "You mean you haven't told them about me yet?"

"Oh, no, I have, I have," he soothed. "They don't mind you being a human, but they do kinda need preparation time."

"But why would they need to prepare?"

"So they won't eat you when you meet them," he chuckled, smiling and showing his fangs.

"WHAT!" she yelped, stomping in front of him.

"Hey, you _know_ what Banjo's family tried to do with—with—those rabbits back when they first met them!" The onça, however, couldn't keep a straight face when he said that, so he laughed, much to his girlfriend's annoyance. "Just kidding, Panterita. You're gonna love my three sisters—"

His _sisters_! They were all still alive!

"—and I'm sure they'll love you too—with ketchup."

"KETCHUP!"

"Just kidding!" he repeated, raising his ears and holding her shoulders. "Don't worry. We're all civilised carnivore toons. They've wanted to meet you for some time now. I sent them your picture, and yes, they were surprised at first, but my parents have no problems with us, as long as we love each other. Which, I might add, was proven just earlier, am I right?"

The humanmaid calmed down at that, and smiled again. "It was tried, tested, and proven, Furrycoat. And nothing will ever change that." Both embraced and kissed again, one glad to see that all had been restored, and the other glad that she was glad.

"J.A.M.? Mery? Cood joo help oss deesmantle de transporter?" squeaked Lightning from inside the cave.

They pulled apart and the felid said, "Looks like we're needed. Shall we, Panterita?"

She would never tire of hearing that. "You go on, Furrycoat. I'll be right with you." He smiled at her again, turned, and returned to the—

"Mary, are those _holes_ on the back of your shirt?"

Startled, she craned her head as far back as she could, pulling her shirt forward. And on the back of her shirt, she could plainly see several pinholes. "Uh, I'll explain that later too. Okay Furrycoat?" She had no idea how to even begin explaining that incident.

"O—okay," he replied, confused, and padded back in. The humanmaid remained outside, wiping the last of her tears away, breathing the clean forest air, being warmed by the sun, and then suddenly remembering something else. Whatever happened to "J" and "M"? In what time were they? Had that evil female tried to attack them? And what would happen to the brunette now?

After more pondering on all the events she had witnessed, particularly the attack on the cub, she said aloud, "I can't believe that only a scar would cause so many repercussions, to the point of stopping a soul from turning to evil!"

"You got that right, sister."

Oh no.

She stiffened, with shivers rolling down the back of her neck. She knew that voice.

Slowly, carefully, she craned her head to the right.

Standing beside her, arms crossed, looking at the sky, clad with boots, leather pants, jacket, and sunglasses, was none other than the arctic wolf Terminator.

Or, was it _really_ him?

A closer inspection revealed that the canine _was_ from the other timeline. His left ear was wrapped in a bandage again, his face and head had areas where the fur had been scratched off, and he was still somewhat bruised up. The bump in his head was still there, and he clearly still had some bee stings on his face.

Mary's next move was so sudden, and done practically without conscious thought, that it took her a moment to realise that she was suddenly facing him and pointing her gun at his head—hey, she _still_ had the gun that the evil jaguar gave her!

The carnivore, on his part, didn't seem to mind the fact that a deadly weapon was currently pointed at him—

Oh, no! He had his magic shield to protect him! The female thought about shouting for help, or even escaping with a scene change, but then realised that even if she _did_ call for help, the others would still be no match for this male, and if she somehow managed to escape, he would still be able to find her again.

Was he after _her_ now?

And how did he remember her from the other timeline? Did he think _she_ was the Anathema now? Did he think that The J.A.M. _still_ deserved to die, even if he didn't do anything worthy of death in this timeline?

The Terminator didn't seem to notice her terror and confusion, and just spoke while looking at the blue sky, "Don't worry, I'm not here to kill anyone. I just stopped by to congratulate you for successfully completing your quest, and for rescuing the jaguar from himself. Now, in this timeline, no one was killed or harmed because of him, and my own friends are still alive. But I still get shivers when I think of the punishment that was held in store for the Anathema, and I don't even want to _imagine_ the judgment prepared for the _true_ culprit of all this mess." He turned to her, "You see, the toon who caused all this is guilty of a much greater evil, even greater than all the evil done by the Anathema. It would have been better for that toon to commit suicide than to have altered the destiny of a soul. But what that toon didn't realise is that no matter in what dimension or timeline, a Waiting One is _always_ a Waiting One, despite the changes brought about." Mary stood back at that, lowering her gun.

The evil jaguar, a Waiting One?

"The Anathema repented at the last moment," he explained. "The moment you left the other timeline, everything changed instantly, but not before the Anathema confessed that he had done evil, asked for forgiveness, and submitted to the Creator." The Questor gasped at that. It seemed that her efforts, requests, pleadings, arguments, and why not, her affections, had been more than successful. It took several moments, though, for her to mind to process and accept the fact that _she_ had _truly_ snatched a soul out of Hell. "That's right. Even in the most severe judgment, there is always mercy available. Anyways, when I sensed everything changing, I immediately shifted dimensions in order to witness the changes without being changed myself." The lupus then lowered his bruised head, and his ears as well. "Your quest is over, but mine has barely begun. You see, the actions of the evil jaguar opened him up for demon possession, which he accepted freely and willingly. But now that the Anathema doesn't exist, the demon that possessed him lost his body habitat, and it is now searching for a replacement. I must now find that demon in order to stop it from causing even more destruction. I don't know where or how it will happen; I just know that it _will_ happen."

"I'm—I'm sorry to hear that. By the way—um—how's your ear and head?" she asked sheepishly.

He looked up and shook his head slightly, "Better, don't worry about it."

"Okay. And—uh—sorry about the bees and mallet, you know. I really didn't want to—well, I just wanted to—"

"You're forgiven," he stated firmly, grinning. With that, the carnivore turned and walked away, leaving behind a very confused omnivore.

But, she realised, she may be confused, but also polite. "Wait!" she called out, putting away her gun. The canine stopped and turned to look at her. "What's your name?"

He turned fully, and smiled, "D-Boy Whitewulf, trans-dimensional drifter, Waiting One." And he disappeared into the forest. The Former Questor was speechless. A _Waiting One_? And on a _termination mission_? Didn't that only happen in the old days? Or—did that just not apply to _humans_ now? If so, then would the wolf _not_ go after the villain, as he did with The J.A.M.? And if so, then _how_ would her judgment come to pass?

_I will deal with her._

Another shiver ran through her body, generated by fear, and sadness, for the brunette, because of what was in store for her. But then, something else came to mind. What would she do with the gun? Would she give it to her parents until she turned 18 or 21? Was it legal to be armed in toon California? And if so, was the model she had legal in this state?

Well, if she couldn't keep the gun, she had a pretty good idea of what to do with it. She knew a two-tone toon—

Hold it.

If she still had the Anathema's gun and bullets, then did she also have—?

The humanmaid searched her body pockets for a moment, and was shocked to find that she _still_ had the moneyboxes, and they were _still_ full of money! Quickly stuffing them back, lest Montana see them, she frantically thought of what to do. Should she turn the money over to the police, since it was laundered from drugs and terrorists? Or———hadn't the _Anathema_ acquired that money? Did the transactions from which he got the money never take place, since the Anathema never existed? And if so, had _no_ crimes been committed that would be linked to the money? Hmmm, interesting situation she was in. Even if she did turn the money in, there was no way of tracing it back to Mexico, since neither the criminal nor his organisation existed anymore. What would she do with it then? Give it all to her favourite charity? Or go to Las Vegas and see if she could find Skippy? She chuckled at that last thought, and finally decided to take care of some pressing businesses first. Yes, she would help charities, but she would research them first—

That line of thought was interrupted by the sudden whine of what sounded like a turbine crossed with a VW engine. Mary looked up, saw D-Boy slowly fly over her on his airbike, wave good-bye to her, and then zoom off to the horizon.

As he did, she caught sight of a particular sticker on the back of the airbike.

It was the same one that The J.A.M.'s bicycle, Cygmon, had on its rear mudguard:

**ΙΧΘΥΣ**

The Greek word for "fish", inside a fish.

That had a deeper meaning, she knew, but she would ask her boyfriend about it later. Right now, she had to help dismantle the transporter. With a satisfied sigh, Mary walked back into the cave, where everytoon was helping with the dismantling. Walking up to her boyfriend, she held his paw, and asked the "bit players", "Say guys, could you all answer me something?"

The "bit players" turned to her, and Beeper signed, "Yes?"

"Guys, if you all suddenly realised that you could have successful careers in any area _except_ comedy, would you _give up_ comedy in order to pursue that career?"

The "bit players" looked at each other for a moment, somewhat surprised at the profoundness of the question. Give up comedy if it meant making money somewhere else? Forget about making others laugh with loony humour for a high place in the business world? Have to rely on _others_ for amusement?

"Naaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"

They chuckled for a moment, and then Mary released her boyfriend so she could give each of them a big hug, but more so Calamity, who got the biggest hug of them all. And their confusion increased as she told each of them just one word:

"Thanks."

* * *

Spanish - English

Híjole - Golly


	16. Epilogue 1: Repercussions

EPILOGUE 1 - REPERCUSSIONS

(UNWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

It took several moments for Dakota to realise she was back in her vault. The hole in the wall was still there but—but—hey! Those annoying rabbits and that hybrid were gone! Her plans were a success! The J was finally gone! Oh, and so was The M. And the Looniversity grounds were hers for her taking! YES!

With a vicious cackle, she ran out of the vault, and slammed the door shut with a hollow BOOM.

(BOOM)

See what I mean?

(UNWAAAAAUNWAAAAAUNWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

Three more blue light balls suddenly appeared near the ceiling, and when they faded away—

(SPLATSPLAT!)

—two of the three wet toons they contained fell on their faces, while the third stopped in mid-air five centimetres from the floor with a light tire screech sound, flipped 180 degrees, and landed gently on his foot-paws.

Once that had happened, an orange rabbit doe with a black shirt and black shorts, who had been watching from inside the improvised tunnel, (UNWARP!) reappeared, stiffened her ears against her back, stiffened her tail as well, and stomped over to the hybrid, though she got a trifle distracted by his drenched clothes. Still, with very definite grunting, she spat, "What the (CENSORED) do you call yourself (CENSORED) DOING, you (CENSORED)!"

Nolan was quite shocked at Bekki's outburst—as were her brothers and sisters, who remained in the sidelines—but the answer was obvious, at least to him. "Er—helping?" he asked, lowering his ears defensively.

"HELPING?" she grunted, circling him with very defined stomps. "WHAT THE (CENSORED) DO YOU (CENSORED) MEAN BY THAT!"

Now the male, too, was getting riled. His back arched, "Oi had to save M!" he flattened his ears too. "Oh, and J, too."

The doe fumed at that, but continued circling him. "M? _The M!_ IT'S ALWAYS THE (CENSORED) M WITH (CENSORED) YOU, ISN'T IT?"

All right, _no one_ insulted the object of his affections and got away with it. He clamped his paws on her shoulders, held her still—though she continued stomping in place—and hissed-chattered, "Aye! Y'got a problem with that?"

She wasn't intimidated by him at all, though she was a trifle surprised at his actions. She continued stomping, "YOU (CENSORED) BET I DO! THE M DOESN'T (CENSORED) CARE ABOUT YOU! SHE NEVER (CENSORED) ANSWERED ANY OF YOUR (CENSORED) E-MAILS WHEN SHE WAS (CENSORED) AWAY! SHE'S ALWAYS (CENSORED) SAYING YOU'RE ONLY A (CENSORED) KITTEN! SHE'S TOO (CENSORED) OLD FOR YOU!"

That hit him right at home, but his denial kicked in. "It may seem that way now, but later on she'll change. She can change!"

She was practically spitting on his face. "THE (CENSORED) SHE CAN! YOU ALMOST GOT (CENSORED) BLOWN TO (CENSORED) OBLIVION IN THAT (CENSORED) THING! WAS SHE (CENSORED) WORTH THAT?"

"YES!" he finally yelled, hackles raised, teeth chattering, fangs and incisors bared, and tail swishing. Nolan had enough of Bekki's "maternal" demands. "AND WHAT'S IT TO _YOU_!" he poked her shoulder. "YOU'VE ALWAYS BLOODY HATED ME! WHY WOULD YOU _EVER_ CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO ME!"

"Pottymouth" was just about to bash his eye into his brain. "I (CENSORED) CARE BECAUSE I (CENSORED) LOV—!"

She clamped her paws on her muzzle, eyes wide, ears diagonally down, and leaning back suddenly.

And both toons stood completely still. The rest of The Fourteen stared at them in shock and winced in confusion, and jaws clanged on the floor all around.

"Wha—? Y-you—?" uttered the cat-rat, staring at the doe in shock, raising his ears, and grinding his incisors in confusion. He heard rumours, but nothing prepared him for the shock of this sudden revelation.

Meanwhile, the doe's speech patterns were having problems staying coherent. "I—I——(CENSORED) it, you weren't supposed to (CENSORED) find out like this—!—you were—(CENSORED)—!—you were—" Bekki could stand it no longer. She grabbed the hybrid by his damp shirt, and kissed him _hard_. Nolan's eyes widened in shock, and then closed in a slow blink. His tail held still, and his fur lowered. He slowly embraced her, and then the leporid, too relinquished her grip on his shirt and gently held his head. Her ears slowly rose and turned to him. The felid-murid's heart was beating fast, and when Bekki broke the kiss, all he could do was stare at her.

This pottymouthed doe was _some_ kisser.

On her part, she was trying to keep her gaze on his eyes, and not his damp trousers.

"Oi—Oi never knew." Nolan finally whispered, when he regained control of his senses. "Never even _suspected_. A.J. gave me some hints of what you felt for me by the way you acted, but Oi always thought he was joking."

"Well, now you (CENSORED) know the (CENSORED) truth, ya hunk", she replied with hot tears. Bekki took several shuddering breaths, and continued, "Nolan, I've (CENSORED) loved you ever since I first (CENSORED) saw you. And every (CENSORED) time you mentioned The M, I just (CENSORED) wanted to rip her (CENSORED) head off!"

"Can't blame a fellow for being a bloody fool, ay wot? She _is_ a hybrid too, you know," murmured the carnivore-rodent, looking sheepish, lowering his ears. "She's also strong, independent, and—" he thought for a moment, and purr-chattered when realisation finally came to him, "—rather a lot like you, actually, but without the Sopranos-influenced dialo—"

"Shut up," the herbivore turned her head, but still looking at him. "Just shut the (CENSORED) up and kiss me, you (CENSORED)!" He obliged, and in that instant, the older female hybrid vanished from younger hybrid's mind, and his heart, because he had now found his _true_ love. The rest of The Fourteen, meanwhile, looked in shock at their sister and their friend, incredulous that she had managed to make him change his mind about the object of his affections, and in such a short time. After a while, the new couple broke the kiss. Bekki smiled at her new boyfriend and rubbed her chin against his muzzle. Nolan responded by purr-chattering and rubbing his cheeks against her, causing her to grind her incisors in pleasure.

He chuckled, "Bunny purrs. Guess that helps keep the teeth a nice length, too, ay wot?"

She stopped grinding to reply, "All (CENSORED) thanks to Professor Fox for (CENSORED) reinstating the Toon Animal Heritage Ritual. Though all of this (CENSORED) has caused me to (CENSORED) have the shortest (CENSORED) set of teeth in the (CENSORED) warren, love." Both shivered when she addressed him in the way she had wanted to address him for a long time.

"Well now, it looks like Oi returned the favour. We rats, or part rats in my case, grind our teeth when we get frustrated, and you caused a lot of that with me."

"I'm—I'm (CENSORED) sorry," she cooed. "I really couldn't (CENSORED) help it, not with what you (CENSORED) thought about The M. I (CENSORED) think about you more than any of my (CENSORED) sisters do."

"Wow." Of course, since he had obviously been the object of _her_ affections— "Wait a mo—your _sisters_ think about me, too?" She nodded. "Wow, Oi never knew that, either! Lucky thing, though, that you were more active in your mental pursuit."

She chuckled at his erroneous deduction, "Now, now, love, don't get too (CENSORED) bigheaded on that. They just (CENSORED) think of you as a (CENSORED) friend—except me, of course. Hunni sometimes gets (CENSORED) at me because my (CENSORED) teeth grinding keeps her up at nights. I—um——(CENSORED) dream about—um—us," she blushed.

Nolan grinned, knowing just _what_ the dreams were about. "You must have quite the vivid imagination, dearest Bekki," they shivered again. "No wonder you've been circling me like that."

She ground her teeth for emphasis, "It's a (CENSORED) bunny thing. I've been (CENSORED) known for—um—sleep-jumping as well, even (CENSORED) more than Anni does over The J. And don't even (CENSORED) get me started on my (CENSORED) sleepwalking in (CENSORED) circles!"

That was an even bigger shock for the hybrid, but he understood. He decided to reply using her vocabulary, thinking it appropriate, "Oh, Oi _know_ it's a (CENSORED) bunny thing," she chuckled, "Oi've read up on rabbit behaviour, y'see, and it says that such circling indicates that the circler wishes to do the—um—" he blushed again, "—horizontal waltz with the circlee."

Bekki blushed as well. "WALTZ?" she blurted. "Oh, please, Nolan—" For a moment, the male lowered his ears thinking that he had offended her— "I prefer to (CENSORED) refer to it as 'techno'." She gave him a wide grin with a bit more tooth grinding.

The felid-murid chuckled, "Of course. Rabbits _would_ prefer something a bit more—um—enthusiastic." His new girlfriend just grinned and ground her teeth seductively at him, making the carnivore-rodent sweat and want to squeal-yowl with fright.

Quickly, he decided to change the subject. He took her by the arm and led her out of the vault and into the hole that Anni had created earlier. "Where did you _learn_ all those imprecations, anyway?" he asked, brushing his damp fur self-consciously. Just his luck, he had inherited his mother's thick fur, but his father's body shyness.

The doe smiled. "We have (CENSORED) cable."

"The full-blown digital setup, t'would seem," observed the male. "One thousand and fifty-seven channels and Oi'm sure there are nights when there's nothing on."

"Exactly. Plus, sometimes I (CENSORED) overhear mom and dad some (CENSORED) nights. These (CENSORED) ears pick up a LOT of (CENSORED) stuff," she smirked, holding his paw tighter. At this point, he went into a full-body blush, and both disappeared into the tunnel.

On the side, Anni commented, "Wow, I never thought SHE would find someone." Then, she pulled out a picture, and sighed, shuddered, and raised her ears in relief when she saw it. She turned to her older brother and asked, "Junior, what happened, exactly? I thought Dakota had won this time."

He hopped up to her, "She almost did, but Calamity told us that Mrs. M managed to undo everything in time. She gave him his messages from himself, and the emergency note that you gave him was able to reach him in this time. He and Professor Coyote were able to track you down and bring you back, just in time to avoid Dakota. Also, they devised a plan to make sure she won't try this again. And speaking of which—" Junior led his sister away from the time machine, and Tex also hopped back.

(WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

A blue flash, and the time machine was gone.

"What—what happened?" asked the doe, bewildered.

"Calamity took the machine back to the past, he and Professor Coyote dismantled both machines, and burned the blueprints. Like I said, Dakota won't be able to try again."

Anni sighed in relief once again, and hugged her big brother. "Thanks for everything, bro. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a black panther to find." She hopped out of the vault, ears straight up, shuddering and grinding her teeth in expectation. She stopped for a moment to look at her siblings with a slight air of authority, and continued. The rest of The Fourteen followed her and also left the vault.

All except one.

Tex had watched his sister leave with Nolan.

And he saw his other sister hop happily away, followed by the rest of his siblings.

The buck stood there in the empty vault, as his heart connected with his throat.

He lowered his head, covered his face with one paw, and ground his teeth _very_ loudly, meaning that it was _not_ out of pleasure.

Once again, he was left all alone.

The dust on the floor parted in circles as his tears fell.

"Oh, Dee……"


	17. Epilogue 2: Oh, No, Here We Go Again!

EPILOGUE 2 - OH, NO, HERE WE GO AGAIN!

There was a cave, a den, a lair, hidden in the depths of Acme Forest. Currently, it served as a home for a certain Mexican jaguar, whose name was The J.A.M. He lived alone, but that didn't stop him from getting visits, which normally consisted of his most trusted friends, and his girlfriend, Mary Melody. And it was precisely Mary who had decided to visit him today and have a long chat with him.

Being a "bit player", and a human at that, Mary didn't have a defined wardrobe, which meant that she could dress differently each day. Today she decided to forego her roller blades and wear her white shoes, as well as a hot blue t-shirt and dark blue pants, with a white bow in her hair.

Her visit, of course, meant that he had another chance to show her his rag doll impersonation. Basically, Mary was sitting in the middle of the couch, and he was stretched out over her, his spine toward her, with his torso over her legs, in a _very_ feline pose. His head was on her right, and it was raised a trifle so she could scratch his ears more freely, making him purr. She then found her favourite spot, right between his ear and jaw, which triggered a certain reflex as she scratched.

He curled a trifle, lowered his ears, bent his left leg, and his foot-paw twitched in time with her scratches. "PrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrryou just _love_ doing that, don't you!" he chuckled.

"What can I say? The Anathema never purred like you do." She leaned back, admiring him, and then the rest of his house. Everything was back to how it was supposed to be; no blank spaces or missing doors or hallways to torment her memory. And the pool was right where it was supposed to be as well.

He stopped purring for a bit, and asked her, very seriously now, "The Anathema—he was me?"

The humanmaid looked down, "Well, yes and no. He had your DNA, but he was a completely evil toon."

The onça turned away a trifle. "I never gave much thought to what would have happened if I had received a much more horrible injury that day, or where I would be if I had never become a Waiting One. Hearing it from _you_, though, I guess I'll guard my position as a Waiting One with even _more_ fear and trembling." And he shivered to emphasise the point. "I never knew that I had so much potential of being so tremendously evil."

"Everyone has that potential, Furrycoat. It's a case of making decisions—and being rescued from evil by grace—that we're not all like that."

"But what surprises me is that he acquired a taste for cigarettes and alcohol, and even _drugs_! How was that possible? Alcohol tastes like bleep, and when I tried smoking I nearly coughed up my liver!"

Panterita laughed a trifle, "Maybe the same thing happened to him, but eventually he got used to it?"

"Maybe, but that—_edible harem_—ugh!" He felt nauseous just _considering_ that possibility. "I mean, I understand that lions are okay with that, but not even _they_ eat their mates!"

"Sad, don't you think?"

"Sad and twisted. You see, I kinda _had_ planned on forming a harem in a few years," he smiled smugly.

"WHAT! YOU MEAN THAT JAGUARS—!"

His index finger hushed her outburst, "But, like my dad, the maximum number of females in _my_ harem—_non-edible_, mind you—will be—" he looked at her eyes, "one. And I kinda hope she'd be willing, once that day comes."

She looked tenderly at him, and kissed him softly. Both remained quiet as she pondered a bit more on her gruelling quest. "You know, Furrycoat, the evil jaguar lived in this most awful neighbourhood. It had a short name that began with a 'T'. Um—"

"Tlalnepantla?"

"No, a _short_ name, you jaguar!" she mock-scolded. "It had a 'p' in there somewhere, um, 'Trip'? 'Tippy'?"

"Tepito?"

"Yeah, that's it!"

Her boyfriend shivered. "Ah, yes: 'El Barrio Bravo de Tepito', or as you would call it, 'The Fierce Neighbourhood—or even _ghetto_—of Tepito'."

Mary raised an eyebrow. "You've been there?"

"No, but the Mexican news mention the place almost every week. That's the worst place in Mexico that I know of."

"Worse than the Congress?"

The J.A.M. looked at her for a moment, "Okay, _second worse_," he chuckled. "I don't know for how long it has been like that, but I _do_ know that when my _mom_ was a cub, my _grandpa_ wouldn't let her go in there, even in the daytime."

"Wow," she sat back, realising just where she had jumped into.

"Yes, I'm surprised that you two didn't get mugged, _especially_ since you were there late at night."

She smiled, "Well, I kinda _did_ have a fierce carnivore escort, _and_ that crazy wolf sorta got everyone out of the way."

"True. And they fought the ACR battle?"

"Yes. But why exactly is it such a sensitive subject with carnivores? It almost sounded like the Alpha _Male_ Rank battle that wolves fight."

The carnivore looked away a trifle. "It's something like that, but much deeper. Wolves, lions, and other species do the Alpha Male Rank battle to keep everything in order, and only within their own packs. With them, challenges are rare, and short-lived. If the Alpha is a _true_ leader, no one will dare challenge him without the risk of getting seriously hurt, or even banished from the pack. But ACR challenges are even _more_ rare. In a given region, the Alpha Carnivore is generally in that position by de facto. One rises to that rank by merit, wisdom, and leadership, not just strength or good fighting skills. Since the Alpha Carnivore is the accepted leader over all carnivore species, he or she is _also_ extremely respected by all species, and few will question his or her authority. Generally, an Alpha Carnivore succession happens when the Alpha is about to die, and he or she assigns a new Alpha to that position, again, based on wisdom and leadership. If the Alpha dies suddenly, a new Alpha rises to that position almost like a piece to a puzzle. Every carnivore simply _knows_ that the Alpha is the Alpha, and no self-respecting carnivore will question that. Since they are so well respected—and feared—any blatant challenges are given only by the extremely rebellious, and _then_ only as a last resort to usurp that position. The ACR challenge is viewed kinda like an attempt of a coup d'état. The challenger, again, is viewed as a complete scoundrel, and they very rarely win. And if they do, their position lasts a very short time, when a _true_ leader comes along and sets things right again. The only way anyone will respect the challenger is if the Alpha Carnivore becomes corrupt, therefore _losing_ respect, and his or her challenger will _always_ oust him, become the new Alpha, and clean the position of corruption."

"Wow," reeled the omnivore. "That explains a lot."

"We treat that rank with the utmost respect. I'm glad that the Terminator had enough sense to accept the challenge to _at least_ try to keep some dignity in the rank. But just as well, if the Anathema had won, he would have only been delaying his destruction. Another more powerful Terminator would have eventually done him in." With that, the African-American reeled again, as the profoundness of what she saw finally hit home. She felt lost, almost, so she sought comfort by holding her boyfriend close; the boyfriend she came so close to losing. They both remained silent for a minute, and then he commented, "You know, your story got me to ponder on something."

"On what?"

The Mexican smiled, "Well, for some reason, roadrunners and snakes are beginning to sound appetising," he smiled. "I just might join Calamity in his next hunt. And you _have_ to admit that while the Anathema was going all wrong in getting rid of sports, that in itself seems like a good ideEEEEP! Stop that!" He squirmed as she began poking his chest in merciless retaliation. "ALL EXCEPT BASKETBALL!" he roared, and she stopped as soon as she heard that. He calmed down, and stretched a bit. Then, with seriousness again, he looked into her eyes, "Panterita, I feel so terrible that you had to go through all of that alone. I wish I could have helped you in some way—"

She hushed him, as he fell into her eyes. "And you would have, with all you have. And I know that you would have done the same thing for me, if _I_ had become an Anathema. But this dropped on all of us without warning. There was nothing anyone could do."

"But _you_ did something, Panterita," whispered Furrycoat. "You saved my eye. You saved my life, my brother's, my sisters', my cousin's, and countless others—"

"Your cousin?" she interrupted.

"Yes. I only know of _one_ ocelot named J.J., and that is my cousin. I don't know who the other 'helpers' were, but I hope they're living decent lives now and are working in respectable jobs."

She shook her head, "It all still feels like it was a dream, since I'm the only one who remembers it all. You are the only one who knows _something_ of what you were rescued from, and that's because I told you. No one else knows about it because it never happened." She lowered her head, her eyes starting to sting again.

"All thanks to you," he purred, rubbing his cheek on her hand. "You're cerrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrtainly morrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrre 'starrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr' than 'bit playerrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr' in my book, PanterrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrita."

Mary looked up, smiled tenderly, and scratched the bridge of his nose, "And you will always be _my_ star, Furrycoat."

"PrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr—but there is also something else. You _do_ realise that if it weren't for little old me, right know you could be in New York doing a news show?"

She sighed and smiled, "Yes. And I would be in New York, alone among all the other reporters, knowing that this hole in my heart would never be filled by the one who turned my world upside-down. And who knows? Maybe I _will_ do a news show later on, but this time, _you_ will be there to see it, Furrycoat."

He smiled back, "And I will help you anyway I can. Say, what will you do with all the money?"

"I haven't completely decided yet. I already set apart the rest of my tuition, I helped fix my apartment, upgraded my computer, and I still got a lot left."

The J.A.M. raised a playful eyebrow, "Planning on giving _Maximiliano_ some competition?"

She thought for a moment, and replied, "Nah, I'll probably do something more important with it. Don't worry, Furrycoat, all of it will be used for the good guys."

"And the gun?"

"I know a two-tone who will love to have it in his collection. I'm waiting for his e-mail reply."

"Well, that's good to hearrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr," he purred, as she scratched the area near his eye where only a scar remained. Mary basked on the thought that not only was he her boyfriend, but he was an extraordinary pet when he needed to be. While most of the time he behaved like a "normal" toon, as she was, these non-anthropomorphic times were reserved for her and her only. She continued by scratching his ears and moved to his whiskers, which instinctively made him press his muzzle against her fingers.

She was his now, and he was hers, and would be for a long time to come.

Their heads slowly drifted closer and both prepared for a deep kiss—

—and at that point, a domestic brown female cat padded out of the closet for no apparent reason.

His ears perked up, and the couple stared up at her, incredulous. She was somewhat plump, clad in a red polo shirt and blue jeans, and had hazel eyes looking through a pair of round glasses. A set of darker brown curly headfur adorned her head.

And she spoke, "Hi there, I'm Rottin Kid: The Incredible Werekitty. I was wondering if you'd like to enjoy a trip to the Next-Door Continuity?"

At this point, something within Mary shattered.

Having experienced enough time travel to last her forever, seeing her boyfriend as the most evil toon since Jack The Ripper, being chased by a Terminator wolf, having lasers and bullets fly all around her, and nearly getting herself killed several times while at it, was bad enough.

But seeing a _female_ _feline_ come through the door, unannounced, in _her boyfriend's house_, was more than she would allow.

"Excuse me, Snookums," she said, pushing The J.A.M. off her, and slowly standing up.

Rottin Kid looked at the humanmaid oddly for a moment, but suddenly lowered her ears and curled her tail in front of her when she smelled tons of adrenaline coming from the omnivore. "HEY! CALM DOWN! I'M AN AUTHOR! HONEST! I'm also a _house cat_, as if you can't tell!" The Former Questor kept on walking menacingly toward the Author, now with a definite scowl, and her brown skin taking on a reddish tint. Panicking, the queen reached out of frame, bringing back in a script, and a pen. She then scribbled an addendum at the page where the omnivore was slowly advancing upon her:

_A wooden crate, tall and large enough to contain Mary, falls over her. It doesn't harm her, but it effectively traps the irate humanmaid._

(THUD!)

And sure enough, a wooden crate, tall and large enough to contain Mary, fell over her. It didn't harm her, but it effectively trapped the irate humanmaid. The male just sat and watched the female carnivore incredulously, ears low, as she sighed with relief and relaxed her features, "Phew. Author Power™ saves my hide again." She put away the script and padded up to the crate, "Okay now, just calm down. Did you know that one second of anger takes ten minutes off your life?"

(CRASH!)

The Former Questor's response was to break out of the crate using a Larger Than Average Mallet.

Naturally, the Author freaked out, and bristled completely, backing away, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Call her off, J.A.M.! Call her off! Uhhh—you wouldn't hit anyone with glasses, would you? Dang, I _knew_ opening a dimensional porthole in the closet was a bad ide—"

(WHAM!)

Her last statement was cut off due to Mary whacking her back into the closet, and slamming the door shut. The statement was replaced by an "Ow."

She turned back to her boyfriend, and practically growled, "What———was———THAT!"

The J.A.M. couldn't help her much in that area, "Um, it looked like a fat female cat who knows how to jump from one continuity to another, I guess—"

"My, aren't we the territorial sort," said Rottin, peeking out of the closet door, though a bit groggy, and with her glasses crooked. "You should _know_ that he's yours: heart, soul, leather bike pack," she adjusted her glasses and snickered a bit. That, of course, caused the humanmaid to turn back to her, slam the door shut again, set multiple padlocks on it, and cover it with 2×4's for good measure.

Education works wonders.

A muffled voice came form inside the closet, "Yeash. Her sense of humour seems a tad off today. I rather thought she liked innuendo-based humour."

Also, a faint scratching was heard, but the African-American hissed, "I'm NOT letting you out. And you're lucky I don't have my gun right now, cat!"

"Dang! And I wanted to do my big-eyed cute anime kitty take too…"

Satisfied that she had taken care of this non-sequitur nuisance, the omnivore huffed contentedly and sat next to her boyfriend again, who said, "That's what I get for cameoing in _her_ fanfic!"

She ignored his comment, leaned back, and sighed, "After all I went through, I do NOT need that now." Then, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Looking up, she saw the bespectacled brown kitty standing behind her, apparently having come through the kitchen door now.

"Actually, I thought you just _might_ need this now. Especially since it's a vacation from everything that happened to you recently."

"Vacation?" asked the female teenager, raising an eyebrow, but still reaching behind her to pull out the mallet again if necessary. "You mean that I won't have to deal with any Jack The Ripper wanna-be's or rampant Terminators?"

The queen shook her head. "None, I promise. This vacation will take place in the future. You won't be able to mess up any timelines, because when you come back, it will all seem like a very hazy dream."

"This sounds interesting," said the male teenager. "Will we meet our older selves?"

The Author cocked her head, "Well, not 'meet' per se. You'll _become_ your older selves, and see how things _could_ turn out for you."

The couple looked at each other, and the male felid spoke, "It sounds safe enough—I hope," he frowned, looking up at the female felid.

"Oh, it will be," she replied with an assuring tone. "I specifically targeted a time for you two when there is no physical danger to anyone."

The humanmaid looked at her for a trifle, still suspicious, and then turned to him, "What? You mean you _want_ to go through with this, Furrycoat?"

"What can I say? I'm curious! And, it sounds much better than what you or Michael J. Fox went through."

Still she hesitated. Finally, she looked up and asked, "What do we have to do?"

"Ah, I'm glad you asked me that. Just follow me." They did, and Rottin led them to the closet door. "Could you open this again, please?" Mary blushed at her previous temper-generated behaviour, but she and The J.A.M. removed the locks and 2×4's from the door. Then, the queen gestured them to go inside, and they obliged.

The next thing Mary knew was that she felt like she was waking up from a very, very long dream. Her bed felt unusually warm—and large—but she thought that was because her window was closed. There was also a particular smell all around; not offensive, just very prevalent. She opened her eyes and slowly sat up, wondering why her room was so dark in the morning. She reached over and turned on her lamp—

"Huh? This isn't my room again!"

"You say something, Panterita?"

_Both_ toons froze.

Sloooooooowly, they turned toward each other.

Humanmaid and jaguar were in the same bed.

Yanking the covers up to their necks, both screamed, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

(Scene freeze)

(Jigsaw puzzle (a-la "Get Smart") out, with corresponding end fanfare)

TO BE CONTINUED/ ¿CONTINUARÁ/ SEGUIRÁ?


	18. Encore: Ive Been Alright

ENCORE - I'VE BEEN ALL RIGHT

The stage was dark again, and the audience could barely see the performers. Then, a spotlight shone on Sweetie and Sneezer—

Candi Milo

Kath Soucie

—as they played a slow organ introduction. Another spotlight shone on the two lead vocalists. Mary Melody—

Cree Summer Franks

—wore her blue dress shirt, white hair ribbon, dark blue shorts, and her black roller blades. Standing back to back with her was The J.A.M.—

The J.A.M. as himself

—clad in his standard attire, and also with black roller blades. Everyone had their headset microphones ready, so Mary looked up at the night, and began:

"_Was at the end of my rope—had nowhere to go."_

The J.A.M., with low ears and tail, also looked up and replied, _"Was at the end of my rope, I had nothing to show—"_

Both turned a bit toward each other, _"Until the day I turned to you, was at the end of my—"_

Suddenly the music picked up, as did everyone's ears, with Lightning and Furrball—

Luke Ruegger

Frank Welker

—strumming hard on their guitar and bass, respectively. Little Beeper—

Little Beeper as himself

—was pounding away at the drums. And naturally, Calamity—

Calamity Coyote as himself

—was at the sound console, making sure that everything was sounding right. Mary and The J.A.M. skated on the stage for a bit.

Suddenly, she stopped and asked him accusingly, _"What?"_ He looked back at her, confused. _"You talking to me?"_ He raised his paws innocently. _"You talking to me!"_ she insisted.

Then, he shot back, _"You call me crazy."_

"_You call me crazy…"_ she countered.

"_You call me crazy!"_ he repeated.

"_You call me crazy!"_ she shouted, smiling. Then she sang,

"_You call me crazy, man, you make my day."_

He pulled out a map, _"My state of residence was disarray,"_ and threw it away.

She held her head while balloons fell, _"At every party and as far as anybody knewww—"_

Both, _"Everything was cool, but—"_

Mary held a fist to her torso, _"The truth was bottled up inside of me."_

He looked away and lowered his head, ears, and tail, _"I was as lonely as a man could be!"_

She suddenly pulled out a picture of the entire Tiny Toons Adventure cast, _"And my 200 friends couldn't fill the void in my souuuuuul—"_

Both shook their heads in frustration,_ "It was a giant hole!"_

Gogo rowed in mid-air without a boat in front of the onça, who added, _"Nothing made any sense."_

The rest chorused, _"La la la…"_

The humanmaid put away the picture and looked up again, _"I thought there would never be an end—"_

"_La la la…"_

His ears perked up, both turned, and knocked, _"Love came knocking at my door!"_

The music stopped, but only for a second, and it picked up as both pointed at each other and proclaimed,

"_Since I met you_

_I've been all right._

_You turn all my darkness into light._

_And since I met you_

_I've been okay, I've been all riiiight—!"_

Lightning added, _"You know I've been all right—"_

The couple continued, arms around each other, _"Since I met you_

_I've been okay._

_You're rolling my winter into May!_

_And since I met you_

_I've been all right,_

_I've been okay—!" _They did the hand/paw gesture of "sorta okay", but smiling tenderly.

Then, Sneezer to Sweetie, _"Since I met you—"_

"_I've been okay—!"_

Sweetie to Sneezer, _"Since I met you—!"_

The onça then pulled the humanmaid back, in order to avoid being trampled by a sudden deer stampede:

"_You got me feeling like a million bucks!"_

She pointed at a leprechaun riding on the last deer: Vinnie._ "Some people write it up as Irish luck!"_

Turning, he suddenly held Buster's foot (which was still attached to his body) at her, _"But I know better, cause my rabbit's foot never diiiid—"_ She was holding Babs' as well.

Both, _"—me a bit of good!"_ and they threw the leporids away. Buster and Babs immediately stood, brandishing mallets, just as the first couple pulled out socks stuffed with something heavy.

Mary, _"The truth hit me like a sock in the eye!"_ Both socked the unsuspecting lagomorphs off the stage.

The J.A.M. extended his arms, _"A revelation that I can't deny!"_

She rolled next to him, letting him embrace her from behind, _"Your love has overtaken every little part of meeee—!"_

Both exclaimed, _"You were what I needed!"_ The panther then picked her up and carried her in his arms as he skated across the stage.

She sang tenderly, _"I'm carried away…!"_

The rest, _"La la la…"_

He looked at her eyes, _"Never seen the sunshine like today!"_

"_La la la…"_

Both, _"You made something of my life!"_

He set her down just as the music stopped, and both sang when it started again,

"_Since I met you_

_I've been all right._

_You turn all my darkness into light!_

_And since I met you_

_I've been okay, I've been all riiiight—!"_ Hand/paw gesture.

Lightning, _"You know I've been all right—"_

"_Since I met you_

_I've been okay._

_You're rolling my winter into May!_

_And since I met you_

_I've been all right,_

_I've been okay—!"_

Sweetie, _"Since I met you—"_

"_I've been okay—!"_

Sneezer, _"Since I met you—!"_

Suddenly, the music slowed, and so did the couple, until they were back to back again. Lowering their heads, and he his ears and tail, Mary sang nostalgically:

"_Was at the end of my rope."_

He shook his head_, "I had no where to go, go._

_Was at the end of my rope—"_

She looked up a trifle, _"I had nothing to show—"_

Both, _"Until the day that I turned to you."_

He looked up and hollered, _"Was at the end of **my** rope!"_

With the rest chorusing, _"Haaaaah…"_

She shook her fists, _"I had nowhere to go, go, go!"_

"_Haaaaah…"_

She continued, _"Was at the end of my rope—"_

He held out his empty paws, _"I had nothing to show—"_

Both turned to each other, _"Until the day that I turned to you._

_Was at the end of my—" _The music picked up very quickly, _"—yyyyyyYYYYYY ROPE!"_

"_Yeah, that's right, I'm talkin' to you,"_ mumbled the onça playfully, perking up.

The rest sang, _"Since I met you—"_

The couple skated apart, shaking their heads, _"Sick and tired…"_ At this point, Mary suddenly doused The J.A.M. with a hose.

The rest, _"Since I met you—"_

Mary, _"Sick and tired?"_ And immediately she pointed a huge fur dryer at him.

"_Sick and tired!"_ His fur fluffed ridiculously, of course, and he looked at himself,

"_Sick and tired of the same ol' fluff!"_

She smiled, grabbed his shoulders, and shook him, _"You came along and you shook me up!"_

His fur normal now, he gestured at the endless sky, _"You got me trippin' on a vision of eternityyyyyy—!"_

The rest, _"E-ter-ni-ty—"_

Both, _"I can see it clearly…clearly…clearly…clearly…clearly…clearly…clearly…clearly……………!"_

The music stopped once again, but the echo continued for about half a minute. The couple didn't take their eyes off eternity, not even to look at the audience, who was screaming louder at this point. Yes, their eternity was accounted for.

The music started again,

"_Since I met you_

_I've been all right._

_You turn all my darkness into light!_

_And since I met you_

_I've been okay, I've been all riiiight—!"_

Lightning peeked into the frame, _"You know I've been all right—"_

"_Since I met you_

_I've been okay."_

A sudden blizzard was followed by a dry wind filled with flowers. _"You're rolling my **winter into May**!_

_And since I met you_

_I've been all right,_

_I've been okay—!"_

Sweetie, _"Since I met you—!"_

"_I've been okayyy—!"_

Sneezer, _"Since I met you—!"_

The J.A.M., _"I've been okay—!"_

Lightning, _"Since I met you—!"_

Mary, "I've been okayay—!"

Sneezer, _"Since I met you—!"_Furrball then did a few gliding notes on his bass, and the music went wild.

The jaguar, _"Was at the end of my rope!"_

Lightning, _"Had nowhere to go."_

Mary, _"I had nowhere to go, go!"_

Sweetie, _"Had nowhere to go."_

Mary again, _"Was at the end of my rope!"_

Sneezer, _"With nothing to show."_

The J.A.M., _"Had nowhere to go, go, go!"_

Lightning, _"I had nowhere to go!"_

Mary, _"Was at the end—!"_

Sneezer, _"I had had nowhere to go!"_

Sweetie yelled at the audience, _"Come on!"_

Mary, _"—Of my rope!"_

Lightning, _"I had nowhere to go!"_

Sneezer helped Sweetie,_ "Come on!"_

The jaguar yelled, _"Was at the end—!"_

Lightning, _"Nowhere to go!"_

The tiny couple, _"Come on!"_

The J.A.M., _"—Of my rope!"_

Everyone, _"I had had nowhere to goooo…!"_

The music shifted again, and now humanmaid and jaguar looked and pointed at each other,

"_Was at the end……then I met youuuuuuu……"_ Finally, they finished with a scream at the sky,

"_Nowhere to goOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…….!"_

They held that pose for a while, as the music continued going wild, and the audience likewise. Then, they slowly lowered their heads, and the stage blacked out when the music came to a sudden halt.

The audience cheered for a very long while after that…


	19. Credits And Bloopers

CREDITS AND BLOOPERS

The reason why I have Calamity Coyote and Little Beeper as Mexicans is because in the episode "Piece of Mind", written by Jim Reardon, at the beginning of Calamity's flashback, the mailbox in front of his lair reads "Los Coyotes". Since Little Beeper was born in that area as well, he also qualifies for Mexican citizenship.

* * *

"My dear Tex, you just can't grasp the whole principle of it all, can you?" She rubbed his paws with both of her hands, making him grind his teeth softly and nearly making him melt. "We rich people have power which is not to be denied. We are above the rest. We are smarter, stronger, better fed, better protected, and better informed than the rest. The J had every single one of those qualities, except the 'richer' part, but with the rest, he had everything in him to make it BIG in the business world! But no, he had to become a goody-two shoes who _wouldn't_ give or take bribes, or _wouldn't_ twist the rules for his benefit! Have you any idea how much wealth _both_ of us together could have made by NOW?" By now, she was crushing his paws and making him lower his ears and grind his teeth loudly, so with a quick yank he pulled himself free, with deformed knuckles, unfortunately. The Caucasian returned to the article, "That stupid black panther just HAD to choose the wrong side…"

Shaking his paws back to normal, the lagomorph replied, "That hurt like (CENSORED), you know."

"CUT!" And Dakota laughed her heart out, as Tex kept shaking his pained paws.

* * *

The "couple" looked up and saw another toon pad in from the hole in the wall. It was a male, but the species was not very well defined. He wore a red shirt under a yellow vest, and blue shorts. His fur was cream coloured, with black points on his ear tips, muzzle, paws, foot-paws, and tail, like a Siamese cat. His ears were large, but triangular. Rodent teeth hung from his upper jaw, and carnivore fangs hung right alongside them. His muzzle was too short to be rodent, and too long to be feline. His black tail had thin translucent fur, allowing the hide to show through a trifle.

"Nolan?" asked Dakota.

(TRIP!)

(THUD!)

"The one and only," he replied, with his light British accent, on the ground.

"CUT!"

Everyone laughed, naturally. "Bloody (CENSORED)! My dramatic intro, and I had to bloody blow it!"

* * *

"All right, Furrycoat," she said with a very distinct romantic tone returning, "If you have no problem with it anymore, then _I_ won't either—" Two heads moved in for the previously scheduled ki—

(The phone doesn't ring, and the two stay still just once centimetre from each other. After a minute, Mary starts laughing.)

"CUT! Who forgot to cue the phone?"

* * *

Keeping in mind Calamity's laboratory, she jumped and reached outside the frame. With a quick yank, she pulled down the scenery over her boyfriend's lair—

(SCRAPE)

And the scenery was stuck again half-way.

"Cut…not again…"

* * *

It was definitely Elmyra's voice, but three more toons dropped out from nowhere, interrupting her. One fell right next to Mary—

(THUD!)

•or on her, actually.

"CUT!"

"Ow," they both said.

* * *

The Tiny Toons characters were created by Tom Ruegger, Glen Kennedy, Dave Marshall, Ken Boyer, and Rich Arons, I think.

Minerva Mink was created by Sherry Stoner, I think.

Wile E. Coyote was created by Charles Mendelson "Chuck" Jones.

The name "Ethelbert" was assigned to Wile E. Coyote by the writers of "Beep Beep, The Road-Runner".

Wile E. Coyote's mother was created by the writers of "Beep Beep, The Road-Runner".

O'Mike The Leprechaun was created by Michael Maltese and Charles Mendelson "Chuck" Jones.

All characters are © Warner Brothers/Amblin Entertainment (and used without permission, but it's doubtful that they mind) EXCEPT FOR:

Nolan Carrotte and Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty, who are © Jennifer Cleckley. Used with permission.

Mister Freeman, who is © Himself. Used with permission.

D-Boy Whitewulf, Kendo Gekishuu, and Ryoko Gekishuu, who are © Daniel Wheeler. Used with permission.

The M is © The J.A.M./Jennifer Cleckley.

Dakota Dee, Tex Bunny, Barbara Ann "Anni" Bunny, Rebecca "Bekki" Bunny, The Fourteen, The J, the Fire Dove design, The Evening News, The Eagle, The Chihuahua, The Pheasant, The Iguana, The Pumamaid, The Ratmaid, The Oppossummaid, The Raccoonmaid, The Guard Dog, The Clerks, and The Policemen, who are © The J.A.M.

and The J.A.M. and Cygmon, who are also © The J.A.M.

I'll say that The T-M.A.N., The R.R.O.S.I.E., The R.I.C.K., The J.U.L.E., The R.R.O.S.I.E. TWO, The Z.A.M., The H.O.K.E.Y., The C.A.T.M.A.N., and The J.J., are also © The J.A.M., because my family simply isn't into furry RPG, he he.

The prologue and epilogues were co-written with Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty.

* * *

She needed explanations now, and the only one who could answer them was the one who caused all this mess. She jumped and pulled down the scenery—

—and stayed hanging there.

"CUT!"

"Um, a little help here?"

* * *

Right on cue, Furrball dashed past them, with a white stripe painted on his back, AGAIN. And right behind him, doing the traditional skunk-skip, was Fifi LaFume. Again, Mary had trouble digesting what she saw and smelled, as both females stepped/rolled back from the scent trail the skunkmaid left behind—

—but not fast enough. They stared at Fifi for a few moments, and promptly fell on their backs, out cold.

"CUT!"

"Pardonez-moi," giggled the memphitid.

* * *

"Bleep it, no!" shrieked Mary, but not at Shirley's question. She jumped and pulled down the scenery of Acme Forest—

—but she pulled too hard, and ripped the bottom bar off the scenery.

"CUT!"

"Like, calm down, Mary, er sum junk!"

(take 2)

"Bleep it, no!" shrieked Mary, but not at Shirley's question. She jumped and pulled down the scenery of Acme Forest—

—and pulled too hard again, bringing down the whole scenery crashing down.

"CUT! A little less panicky, please?"

She just stuck her tongue out at him.

* * *

Quickly rolling in front of the dove in submission, on his back, paws up, and ears low, the canine replied, "I think a rock rolled down my jacket."

"CUT!"

* * *

Props by Acme Co.

Bicycle furnished by Montero.

Mary Melody's wardrobe furnished by Oscar de la Renta.

The J.A.M.'s wardrobe furnished by Yazbek and Casio.

Dakota Dee's wardrobe furnished by Pierre Cardin.

D-Boy Whitewulf's wardrobe furnished by Levi's.

Mister Freeman's wardrobe furnished by Wrangler.

Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty's wardrobe furnished by Hanes Casual Wear (it's the polo shirt, you gutter-minded readers!) and Bobbie Brooks.

Looney Toon consultant: Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman

* * *

Her attention returned to the screen when the computer asked for a name and password. _Here goes nothing,_ she thought, typing the name and password she knew, praying that they had not been deleted from the syst—

"Um, guys, the computer crashed."

"CUT!"

* * *

Slowly, the latrans stood, padded toward the dark window, paws behind him, and spoke softly, "When Calamity presented to me the theory and a rather crude design, deep in my mind I knew that with the right modifications, and a huge power source, the transporter could double as a time machine. I never mentioned that to him because I knew he would stumble onto that possibility all by himself as he continued to work on his machine. I felt somewhat relieved when he told me that he had shelved the project, and right now someone's stealing Bugs' car from the parking lot."

"CUT!"

* * *

Looking up, he was right above her, his index claw reaching for the top of her t-shirt. The panther was also licking his lips and fangs in a tremendously disturbing manner—

Mary started laughing again, halting his movement.

"CUT!"

"Sorry, J.A.M., but you look so funny licking your lips like that!"

He just frowned, and spoke in perfect English, "Um, can we hurry this scene along? I hate being drawn like this."

* * *

The panther chuckled again, tilting back on his chair, and spitting to the side—

(THUD!)

The chair fell back, taking him with it.

"Ouch…cut…" he said, while Mary giggled uncontrollably.

* * *

Original casting by Steven Spielberg.

Additional casting by Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty and The J.A.M.

Voice direction by Andrea Romano.

Mary Melody is Cree Summer Franks

Dakota Dee is also Cree Summer Franks

Tex Bunny is John Kassir

Anni Bunny is Francesca Marie Smith

Nolan Carrotte is Daniel Radcliffe

Bekki Bunny is Nancy Cartwright

Wile E. Coyote is Noel Blanc

Calamity Coyote is Himself

Little Sneezer is Kath Soucie

Lightning Rodriguez is Luke Ruegger

Sweetie Bird is Candi Milo

Shirley The Loon is Gail Matthius

The Dove is James Earl Jones

D-Boy Whitewulf is Daniel Wheeler

The pheasant is Lou Diamond Phillips

The spider monkey is Erik Estrada

The iguana is Emilio Estévez

The ocelot/J.J. is Ricky Martin

The brown eagle is Ricardo Montalbán

The Chihuahua is Andrés Bustamante

The pumamaid is Anabel Ferreira

The ratmaid is María Alicia Delgado

The raccoonmaid is Ludwika Paleta

The opossummaid is Rita Moreno

The guard dog is Rubén Aguirre Fuentes

Little Beeper is Himself

The Snake is Eugenio Derbéz

Clerk 1 is Mario Bezares

Clerk 2 is Horacio Gómez Bolaños

The R.I.C.K. is The N.I.M.H.

The J.A.M. (cub) is also The N.I.M.H.

The T-M.A.N. is Himself

The R.R.O.S.I.E. is Herself

Mrs. Coyote is Phylicia Rashad

Buster Junior Bunny is Charles Adler

and

The J.A.M. is Himself

* * *

"Joor boyfrend ees a _looser_," hissed the feline, lowering his ears and throwing the pictures in her face. The humanmaid staggered back at this—

"OW!"

—because a picture poked her eye.

"OOPS! CUT! Mary, you okay?"

She plucked out the photo from her eye, and rubbed her eye, "Ouch, you have a trick wrist there!"

* * *

Slowly, The J.A.M. stood, put down his cigarette, lowered his ears, swished his tail, and glared back, making her roll away slightly in fright. "Negrita, dere ees no such teeng as lobb." He pointed at his missing eye, "I lerrnedd dat when I was forr. My beeg brodder tott eet was fonny to pool my eye out. Joo teenk he onlee wanted to geeb me a scar?" He sat down again, and she calmed down a trifle. "I gabe heem what he deserrbed. And de fonnee teeng ees—(in perfect English) that you're blocking my view of the teleprompter, Mary."

"Oops."

He shook his head. "Cut…"

* * *

"¡Nos secuestraron!" shrieked the opossummaid.

"¡Tiene una joven humana en su oficina!" squeaked the ratmaid.

"¡Nos iba a y comer!" yowled the pumamaid.

"¡Él está allá!" chattered the raccoonmaid, pointing in the direction of the "office". "¡Apúrate¡Creo que se la va a echar primero!"

The Spanish lessons he had before were now brought into use; hence, the wolf blushed when the pumamaid cursed. Still, he spoke with a heavy English accent, "…um, what was my next line?"

"CUT!"

* * *

The canine was suspicious for a moment, but he took his walkie-talkie and asked, "¿No se ha ido todavía Lightning Rodríguez?"

The three waited, and waited, and waited some more. The canine smiled and repeated, "¿No se ha ido todavía Lightning Rodríguez?"

"Oh, cut already. Someone tell Lightning to turn on his walkie-talkie, bleep it…"

* * *

He ground his incisors some more, overwhelmed at her request, "Joo—joo'rre askeeng a lot, Mery. I help a lot of toons heerr. Eef joo change everyteeng back, oll of dees weel be gonn. And what's left—"

"Cut, sorry, Lightning."

"¿Qué? But what was rrong with dat?"

"·Um—" the jaguar blushed, "I forgot to grab the gum so I could spit it out." Lightning squealed, brandished an enormous mallet, (WARP!) and dashed off after the jaguar, who warped away just in time.

Mary sighed, "Males…"

* * *

Special appearances by Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman and Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty.

Additional special appearances by Enrique "El Perro" Bermúdez De La Serna and Raúl Orbañanos: the soccer commentators.

The line "These are words of wisdom: Let it be" was originally conceived and written by _Sir_ John Lennon and _Sir_ Paul McCartney.

The term and concept of "aniplasm" was originally created by Abel DuSable, I think.

The Toon Animal Heritage Ritual was conceived and created by Andy Fox.

The "Back To The Future" movies are © Amblin Entertainment.

"Men In Black" is © Columbia-Tri-Star Pictures.

The line "They left me all alone! Where did everybody go?" was originally conceived and written by Dave DeTiege, in the Looney Toon short "Mother Was A Rooster", directed by Robert McKimson, and it's © 1962 Warner Brothers.

The giant eyedropper/drink shaker procedure in helping a toon out of the meltdown take was suggested by Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty.

* * *

Slowly, the carnivore brought them down on her shoulder blades, and slowly pressed so that the tips went through her shirt.

The omnivore was to the point of hyperpanic when she felt eight needles press on her skin—

"Yikes!" she yelped, jumping back. "Furrycoat, your claws are cold!"

He grumbled, "Cut……"

* * *

_At the sound of the 'klong', it will NOT be lunchtime,_ she thought, gritting her teeth.

Little Beeper zoomed up and suddenly halted next to Calamity with a "toing".

"NOW!"

(UNWARPOUNC—WHAM!)

Mary was on the sand, and The J.A.M. was flat against the cave wall. Groggily, he peeled his face off the stone, and mumbled, "Cut…Panterita, a bit higher next time, okay?" (THUD!) Panterita just laughed.

* * *

Firearms were rarely used in the Looniversity, but now more madness was thrust in her face (UNWARPCRACKWARP!) quite literally, as another snake dropped dead, his surprised face inches from her—

(BONK!)

"Ow!" they both said.

"CUT!"

Mary rubbed her head, and the snake rubbed his head as well. "Perdón," he smiled.

* * *

He glanced down at his shirt and pulled out his chains again. "Ah, oll of deese are famoss peepoll." He held them out one by one. "Darrween—Karrl Marrx—Engells—Staleen—Lenneen—Heetlerr—Robbesspierr—Napoleón—Mussolini—General Tojo—Marrshall Tito—Saddam Hussein—Anton LaVey—Osama Bin Laden—Idi Amin—Mao Tsedong—Fidel Castro—El 'Che' Guevara—————and what's the name of this idiot?" Mary laughed her heart out again. "I know, I know, cut."

* * *

He took another drag and tilted his head as he searched his memory for a summary of his exploits, smiling and chuckling occasionally as he did so, and counting off on his paw digits—and Mary started laughing at him again.

"Cut," he grumbled.

* * *

Bleep it, why won't he accept this? "To you, yes, I suppose I am. True love can do that to you. You go crazy because the one you monster has been turned into—no, wait, I got that wrong. You go crazy—"

"CUT!"

* * *

"…_Please, stop this…"_ Her whisper seemed to penetrate his brain, like a light in a dark cave. _"…Let's go back to Calamity's. They must have finished the time machine by now. And if it works, none of this will have ever happened! No one will remember this…!" _And she was weeping, driving her point straight to his putrid soul. _"…For **once** in your life, just let this go! He can't hurt you anymore, and he **won't** hurt you anymore! He won't remember this. No one will—!—except—"_

—except that he was wincing, bending his head and raising his shoulder. He chuckled, "Um, cut. Not so close, Panterita. You're tickling my ear."

She fumed at that, and poked his side.

"EEP!"

* * *

Music directed by Steve Bernstein and John Van Tongren.

"Since I Met You" is © 1998 Achtober Songs / Out of Twisted Roots Music / Blind Theif Publishing / Fun Attic Music (from the album "Supernatural", © 1998 Forefront Records / Virgin Records America, Inc.). Words and Music by Toby McKeehan, Michael Tait, Kevin Max and Mark Heimermann. Performed by Cree Summer Franks, Candi Milo, Kath Soucie, Luke Ruegger, and The J.A.M. Concert and duet interpretation by The J.A.M. Used without permission.

* * *

"I—I will—and—J.A.M.—" she put her hand on his shoulder, "You didn't do anything to deserve losing your eye, or to grow up without someone caring for you. Yes, you did terrible wrongs because of it, and you may not feel sorry for any of that, but that will change now. And—and—from all you told me, it's obvious to me now what you always searched for, and wanted, and never got. So even if this timeline is destroyed and no one remembers it, like me with the rest of this line you wrote—"

"CUT!"

* * *

"You all are in grave danger just by being close to him! That jaguar has tortured, killed, and eaten hundreds of toons like yourselves! He has stolen countless amounts of money, he has laundered millions of dollars of drugs and smuggled goods, he has caused rebellions and insurrections, he is a mafia pin—I mean 'kingpin', he is a drug lo—"

"CUT!"

"J.A.M., can we get another wolf for this?"

"Don't tempt me."

* * *

Seeing her eyes widening, he continued, "Don't worry, they're both nekkid toons, otherwise they wouldn't do this with an audience." That brought _some_ relief from the humanmaid—

"Um, can we stop for a minute? My zipper's stuck."

"CUT!"

* * *

(by D-Boy)

"I can defeet joo—" growled the jaguar.

"You're welcome to try—" replied the wolf.

"Forr de highest carnívoro—"

"We fight under the sky—"

"Onteel one of oss dies—"

(D-Boy hesitates, obviously forgetting his line, so he improvises:)

"Prepare for trouble—"

(The J.A.M. continues without missing a beat) "Make eet a dobble—"

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite oll people weeitheen our nashon!"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extennd our reach to de stars abobb!"

"D-Boy!"

"J.A.M.!"

"Team Furry blasts off at the speed of light!"

"Sorrender now or prepare to fite!"

(Furrball appears out of nowhere) "Meowth! Dat's right!"

Everyone laughs until The J.A.M. says, "Okay, cut, that's enough fun for today."

* * *

The lupus then realised that the onça's own instincts were being called forth as he felt sharp teeth clamp on his head—

"PTOOEY! D-Boy, your head has dandruff! CUT!"

"Oops, sorry, I'll go shower right now."

(take 2)

The lupus then realised that the onça's own instincts were being called forth as he felt sharp teeth clamp on his head—

"PTOEEY! Now your head tastes like Pantene®™! Cut!"

"I just can't win here…"

* * *

No copyright infringement is intended or implied. I did all this for the fun of it.

All of the characters, places, and events portrayed in this fanfic are fictitious. Any resemblance to any real persons, places, or events is unintentional and purely coincidental, except in cases of severe self-insertion, I suppose, but even then the similarities are controlled, he he.

Can you guess who the two-tone toon that Mary is referring to is?

* * *

This was Mary's chance. The moment that the villain turned and walked away to find a hiding spot, she pulled down the scenery and found herself right next to the lethal branch. Without letting go of the scenery, she dropped her branch, picked up the lethal branch, and—

—got the scenery stuck again.

"Sorry."

"CUT!"

* * *

Oops. Embarrassed, she released him, remembering that in this particular time they hadn't met yet. "Um, sorry, Prof—um—Mister Coyote. I realise that you don't know me—um, yet—but I'm sure that this will explain everything." She handed him the note, and he raised an eyebrow when he saw that it went like this:

2 gallons of milk

2 loaves of bread

4 rolls of—

"Eep! That's my shopping list!"

"CUT!"

"Humans…"

* * *

"Well, now, child, since you're all rested up, it's time to get cleaned up before breakfast, and then Wile can send you home."

Mary then noticed something, "Say, where _is_ Prof—"

"CUT!"

"What was wrong with that?"

"Not you, Mary, Mrs. Coyote!"

"Huh? What did I do wrong?"

"It's _dinner_, not breakfast."

"It's (CENSORED) for all I care!" she smirked, making everyone blush.

* * *

The cast and crew prepare the next scene. The camera pans down on Mary, on the couch, wearing a long blue bathrobe. She looks at the camera, and smiles seductively.

"Hey, fanboys, it's my first shower scene! Four years of comedy school, and I get to do a shower scene! If you thought my bikini scene with Furrball was cute, just wait till you get a load of this! So eat your heart out, Babs!"

"Mary, we're ready," said The J.A.M., padding by, wearing his standard attire.

She smiles again, stands, and walks to the bathroom set. There, she stands in front of the camera (which blocks her from YOUR view, mwha ha ha ha!) and drops the robe. A stagehand picks it up and takes it away. Instantly, wolf calls fill the set.

"YEAH!"

"WHOO, BABY!"

"FIFI'S GOT NOTHING ON YOU!"

"Quiet on the set!" orders the jaguar.

"I LOVE THIS JOB!"

"GO HUMAN TOONS!"

"I LOVE YOU, BABE!"

"**_QUIET ON THE SET!"_** roared the onça again, hushing everyone. Standing next to the camera, he continued, "Lights! Roll camera!"

"Rolling."

"Speed," said the sound operator.

The slate person walked in and said, "Mary's Quest: Only A Scar, Chapter 11, scene 4, take 1." (CLACK)

Mary stopped smiling, put on a worried expression, and waited for the narration.

The feline ordered, "Action!"

Mary closed her eyes, leaned her hands on the wall tiles, and let the water soak her hair and splash her face…

…_Did I succeed? Did I save J.A.M.? Did I defeat that girl? Will the time machine work again? Will any of this happen again? Will—_

"You all right in there, hun?"

Mary nearly slipped on the tiles by the sudden knock and q—

(THUD!)

"CUT!"

The camera pans to the floor, where Mary is sitting unceremoniously—

•and wearing a strapless dark brown bikini (nyah nyah nyah!)

"Ouch," she said, rubbing her gluteus maximus. "Can we get some non-slip pads here, please! I promise we'll take them out when we're done, really!"

"Sigh, from the top, people…"

* * *

SPECIAL THANKS

To Century 22.

To Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman, Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty, and Daniel "D-Boy" Wheeler, for letting me use their characters.

To The Bible In Basic English.

To Power Bible CD.

To the late Francisco Gabilondo Soler "Cri-Crí". Though I never did like his music, one excerpt served quite nicely here.

To El Heraldo De México.

To Roberto Gómez Bolaños "Chespirito", also for a bit of his material.

To the Instituto Nacional de Estadística, Geografía, E Informática, and The T-M.A.N., for helping me find the actual location of Tepito.

* * *

To female saw his amber eyes widen and his ears lower with surprise, as if he were a puppy getting his Christmas present. The elder male padded all around it, trying to digest what was before him. "I—WHOA" he stuttered, tripping on something, making everyone laugh. "I built this?"

"CUT!"

"Excuse me."

* * *

Acme Acres!

That meant that behind her was _Acme Forest_!

So, she turned, and RAN—

(WHAM!)

—straight into a tree.

"CUT! You okay, Mary?"

She peeled herself off, pointed at the trunk, and mumbled, "Heh, a tree…"

* * *

That still didn't make sense to him. "Ooookayyy—um, you know, I was about to start thinking the same thing about you when you just vanmmmmmMMMMMFFFFF—!—FFFfmmmmmmmmmm…" He really didn't understand what was happening with her right now, but after a while, he decided to raise his ears, just go with the flow, and let her explain later. "PrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr…" Golly, how she had _missed_ that. She ran her hand on his chest over his t-shirt and—

—suddenly hugged him tighter and leaned him back. The jaguar tried to mumble something, but his mouth was locked. Frantically, he waved his hands about, and then made a cutting motion with his paw digits.

"I zeenk 'e wants to cut," smiled Fifi, leaning into the frame.

* * *

"Stalin?"

"A paranoid dictator just as bad as Hitler."

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm—who came next?"

"Mumblemumblemumblecutmumblegrumble—"

"That's right. Even in the most severe judgment, there is always mercy available. Anyways, when I sensed everything changing, I immediately shifted dimensions in order to witness the changes without being changed myself." The lupus then lowered his bruised head, and his ears as well. "Your quest is over, but mine has barely begun. You see, the actions of the evil jaguar caused me to forget the rest of this freakingly long line and—"

"CUT!"

* * *

EXTRA SPECIAL THANKS

To Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty, for co-writing the prologue and epilogues (tons of fun!), and for coming up with The M.

To Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman once again, for editing this story and providing reference information, and for letting me put him in here.

* * *

(by Rottin Kid)

Bekki could stand it no longer. She grabbed the hybrid by his damp shirt, and kissed him hard. Nolan's eyes widened in shock, then closed in a slow blink. He slowly embraced her, and then she, too relinquished her grip on his shirt and gently held his head—one hand slipping down his chest to—

"GLMPH!" Nolan exclaimed, jumping, and breaking the kiss, Bekki grinning impishly at him.

"CUT!"

Bekki smiled at the camera, "Like my mom (CENSORED) says, I just can't (CENSORED) help myself." Nolan just did a full-body blush, considering where Bekki's hand was.

(take 2, also by Rottin Kid)

Bekki could stand it no longer. She grabbed the hybrid by his damp shirt, and kissed him hard. Nolan's eyes widened in shock, and then closed in a slow blink. His tail held still, and his fur lowered. He slowly embraced her, and then the leporid, too relinquished her grip on his shirt and gently held his head. Her ears slowly rose and turned to him. The felid-murid's heart was beating fast, and when Bekki broke the kiss—

(She didn't)

Instead, the kiss went on…and on...and on...Then they fell out of frame.

"CUT!"

Anni shouted, "Hey, you guys, GET A ROOM!'

* * *

He lowered his head, covered his face with one paw, and ground his teeth _very_ loudly, meaning that it was _not_ out of pleasure.

Once again, he was left all alone.

The dust on the floor parted in circles as his tears fell.

"Oh, (CENSORED)—I mean—Dee!"

"CUT!"

"I hope Bekki isn't rubbing off on me, geez…"

* * *

The carnivore looked away a trifle. "It's something like that, but much deeper. Wolves, lions, and other species do the Alpha Male Rank battle to keep everything in order, and only within their own packs. With them, challenges are rare, and short-lived. If the Alpha is a _true_ leader, no one will dare challenge him without the risk of getting seriously hurt, or even banished from the pack. But ACR challenges are even _more_ rare. In a given region, the Alpha Carnivore is generally in that position by de facto. One rises to that rank by merit, wisdom, and leadership, not just strength or good fighting skills. Since the Alpha Carnivore is the accepted leader over all carnivore species, he or she is _also_ extremely respected by all species, and few will question his or her authority. Generally, an Alpha Carnivore succession happens when the Alpha is about to die, and he or she assigns a new Alpha to that position, again, based on wisdom and leadership. If the Alpha dies suddenly, a new Alpha rises to that position almost like a piece to a puzzle. Every carnivore simply _knows_ that the Alpha is the Alpha, and no self-respecting carnivore will question that. Since they are so well respected—and feared—and I can't believe this lunacy I have in giving such ridiculously long lines that not even **_I_** can remember! Cut already!"

"Wow," reeled the omnivore. "That explains a lot." And everyone laughed.

* * *

Just in case you're wondering, the various ways of saying "To Be Continued" are written in English, Spanish, and Portuguese, respectively.

Also, the chapter titles were being counted in Náhuatl (Aztec). The word for "1" (and the suffix for "6" and "11") is actually "zen", but is pronounced "zeh". The spelling was altered to reflect the true pronunciation.

* * *

(still another by Rottin Kid)

_A wooden crate, tall and large enough to contain Mary, falls over her. It doesn't harm her, but it effectively traps the irate humanmaid._

(THUD!)

And sure enough, a wooden crate, tall and large enough to contain Mary, fell over her. It didn't harm her, but it effectively trapped the irate humanmaid—

—or would have. Instead, the box misses, completely.

"CUT!"

Rottin looked up, "Okay. Whoever's aiming the box is BLIND!"

(take 2, by, you guessed it, Rottin Kid)

_A wooden crate, tall and large enough to contain Mary, falls over her. It doesn't harm her, but it effectively traps the irate humanmaid._

(TACKLE!)

(THUD!)

Rottin tackled Mary out of the way, both narrowly being beaned by said box.

"CUT!"

Mary said, "Either they're blind, or we've got some psycho up there." And eerie rabbit giggles were heard from above.

* * *

(Yikes! One more by Rottin Kid!)

Naturally, the Author freaked out, and bristled completely, backing away, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Call her off, J.A.M.! Call her off! Uhhh—you wouldn't hit anyone with glasses, would you? Dang, I _knew_ opening a dimensional porthole in the closet was a bad ide—"

(WHAM!)

Her last statement was cut off due to Mary whacking her back into the closet—

—but missed, and Rottin was whacked into the wall.

"CUT! Let's try that again"

Rottin mewled, "Do we _REALLY_ have to do another take?" (sliiiide—ker-thuddle)

The jaguar noticed his girlfriend smiling, "Um, Hun, are you _sure_ you aren't deliberately missing?"

* * *

END TAG:

Mary Melody comes out of the TTA rings and proclaims, "Nigra sum, sed formosa."

Until next time, remember:

I AM THE J.A.M.

Good evening.

(WARP!)


End file.
